My New Step-Dad(13)

“Don’t be sorry, just knock it off,” he says, and looks pointedly at me. “Your mother was my wife.”

“Not really,” I remind him. For some reason, I need him to remember that fact, that he and my mother weren’t really together. That this isn’t as bad as it seems.

“You’re right, but on some level I was her friend, and you’re my reasonability for the next week. You’re mine.” His last two words come out in a different tone.

“Yours?” I question.

“You know what I mean, Sophie. Don’t twist my words.”

I let my eyes drop to the floor, not wanting to look at him anymore. I need to keep my mouth shut. Everything he says I want to turn in my favor. Maybe I am twisting his words and hearing what I want.

“Sophie, look at me.”

It takes everything in me to pull my eyes back to him. I can still feel the heat on my face from the embarrassment. That makes this much worse, knowing my fair skin is showing it to him.

“You’re young and beautiful; you don’t want someone like me. Go find yourself a nice young boy who can give you flowers and hearts. I have nothing to give you. My life is my job, and nothing will ever come before it. I worked too hard for it to throw it away on a scandal that would ruin everything.” His jaw clenches likes he’s pissed he had to say the words.

But the reality of what he’s saying hits me harder than it should. At least he’s honest. His job will always come first. My mother always filled me with false promises. It’s like cold water being thrown on me. I can feel the lump in my throat grow, and I know if I speak it’ll all break loose. It would be an uncontrollable flood of tears, and I don’t want him to see them. Without responding, I jump down from the countertop, making a quick dash to leave the kitchen. I feel him reach out for me, but I brush past him, barely missing his grasp, and stumble into Lily.

Shit. Just wonderful. More people to see my embarrassment. I wonder how much she heard, and not wanting to find out, I push past her too, leaving both of them in the kitchen. I hear Bruce call my name, but Lily’s soft words seem to stop him from coming after me.

Slamming the door, I make sure to lock it behind me. God, I feel so stupid. Why am I always pushing myself on people who don’t want me? It’s like I make things up in my head and don’t see things for what they really are, dreaming up these futures that are so far from possible. Back at school, the girls and even a few teachers always said I lived in my head, my nose in a book. Maybe they were right. But is it so wrong to dream of big love? In reality, I’ve never had a taste of it.

Flipping on my laptop, I bring up rental properties and start searching through them. It’s time to move on. I can’t keep chasing after things that are just running from me. I also don’t have to be like them. Lily’s right. I can start a new life, be different from my mother.

I print off a couple listings and take a shower. I get dressed in another sundress, this one light purple. I make quick work in the bathroom, deciding to leave my hair down today. When I’m ready, I go to my bedroom door and pray I don’t run into Bruce. I grab my purse and the list of properties and try to make a fast retreat from the condo, only to slam right into Lily.

“Sorry, Lily. Seems I can’t stop falling all over you today,” I mumble as I continue past her. I don’t know how much she heard this morning, but I really don’t want to relive it. She follows me into the entryway where I hit the elevator button. Damn, I should have explored this place better and found out where the stairs are. I would love to avoid this conversation I know Lily is about to make me have.

Suddenly, she snatches the papers out of my hand.

“What the hell?” I snap, trying to grab them from her. She shuffles through them before folding them and putting them under her arm. “Are you going to give those back?”

“No, you don’t need them.”

Her response is tart but clearly final. I remember the tone from when I was a child and she would watch me from time to time between nannies showing up.

“I don’t know how much you heard, but it’s clear he doesn’t want me here. It’s also clear that he’s only keeping me here because he feels he obliged because of my mother. I was an unwanted burden on her, and I won’t be an unwanted burden on someone else.”

The elevator dings, answering my silent prayers. I reach my hand out, indicating for her to give me my papers back, but she makes no move to. Whatever. I’ll get new ones somewhere.

“Keep them,” I say, stepping into the elevator, but she follows behind me.

“Lily, I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t want to talk about this, and I want to be alone right now.”

“He hates his job,” she says, ignoring what I said to her. “He’s different with you. Bruce Archer is losing control. I saw him pick you up and sit you on the counter. I couldn’t see your face but I saw his. Didn’t you see it?”

No, I didn’t. I closed my eyes and waited for him to kiss me, but I don’t say that out loud.

“He was right. I should find someone else. I want someone I’ll come first with. It was silly and na?ve of me to think he’d want me. Hell, I saw the woman he was with the night I got here.”

“I’ve never seen him with a woman. You must—”

I cut her off. “It doesn’t matter.”