Mr. CEO(59)

I need to think happy thoughts and stay positive. But it’s hard. Logan’s outlook looks bleak. Stage four. Who beats that? My heart squeezes in my chest and I have to close my eyes to keep the tears from sliding out. I just want him healthy.

Doctor Wallace begins his physical examination that I’ve seen a few times now, checking Logan’s vital signs, shining a light into his eyes and performing an oral examination. All the questions are the same. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen the examination, but I listen just as closely, and my heart slows all the same. Every second feels like a lifetime. I just need him to be okay.

“Everything seems to be as expected, Mr. Parker,” Doctor Wallace says when he’s done with his diagnostics. “Well, you’re doing better than I expected you would at this stage.” He sits back with a nod and says, “That’s a good sign.”

The doctor’s words are soothing, but it’s still hard to have hope. Just because Logan appears to be doing okay, doesn’t mean anything if the cancer is still there.

I pray that it only gets better from here. It has to. It better. “It does?” Logan lets out a deep breath and says, “Good.”

Doctor Wallace nods. “It does indeed.” He looks around and scratches his nose. “Actually, I thought you’d be in bed like I told you.”

Logan grins over at me. “It’s hard to lie there and sleep when I have such a beautiful woman to keep me company.”

The doctor chuckles, and a fierce blush comes over my cheeks. It’s cute, but I know Logan is worried just as much as I am deep down. I want to laugh and pretend that everything is okay, but I can’t. This cuts too deep.

“What happens after this?” I ask concernedly.

Doctor Wallace turns to look at me. “We continue the treatments everyday so long as Logan feels well enough, until it’s gone.” He looks back at Logan and pats him on the shoulder. “If it gets to be too much, we can take a break and see how you recover.” His voice is somber, and it makes my heart clench.

I suck in a painful breath, my heart feeling like it’s being crushed. I wish there were something I could do to cure Logan, to take his pain away.

Fuck cancer, I think to myself angrily, fighting back the sea of tears. Logan doesn’t deserve this shit.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Logan,” Doctor Wallace replies, rising to his feet and gathering his instruments into his black bag. Tomorrow’s another day of radiation. At least the weekends he has off. But knowing tomorrow is going to be difficult… it hurts.

Bidding us farewell, Doctor Wallace turns to leave the room, but before he can walk out, I stop him at the door.

“Is he really going to be alright?” I ask him quietly. I hate asking him this, and I feel somewhat confrontational, but I can’t let him leave me with a sense of false hope. I don’t want to think Logan is going to be okay if he’s not. “Please, don’t sugarcoat it. I want the one hundred percent truth.”

Doctor Wallace gives me a sad smile and places a firm hand on my shoulder. “As much as I would love to be able to ease your worries, Charlotte, I can’t give you a definite answer. The treatments we’re using have worked many times for my patients, and Logan’s condition today is a good sign. But I can’t give you anything definitive. Will Logan be alright? Only God knows that.”

The doctor leaves, and I close the door behind him. Feeling a bit weak, I lean against the door for support, my forehead pressed against the hard wood.

Behind me I hear footsteps, and then I feel strong arms wrapping around my waist. I can’t help but melt into his embrace.

“Stop worrying, Rose,” Logan whispers in my ear before delivering a small kiss to my neck. “I’ll be alright. You heard the man.” He’s trying to inject strength in his voice, to soothe me, but I can still sense the uncertainty hiding in his words. The pain.

Fuck. It hurts. “I’ll try not to,” I say over the lump in my throat. I turn to face him, fighting back the tears and look into his face. “I just love you so much and want to see you get through this.”

Logan squeezes me as tight as his diminished strength allows and returns my kiss. “I promise you, my Rose, I won’t stop fighting. If there is any chance of me beating this thing, I’m going to f*cking do it. For myself, but most of all, for you.”

The tears can’t be denied, they flow down my face in a torrent and I collapse against Logan, sobbing. Fuck this. Fuck life. Fuck everything.

“I need you to be strong for me, Rose,” Logan urges me, kissing my hair and rocking me gently. “Everything’s going to be okay, and even if it’s not, I’ll always be here for you.” I cry harder, big hiccuping sobs, until I’m gasping for breath. Logan continues to rock me, comforting me, holding me, loving me, until I’m all cried out.

“I’m so sorry,” I lament when it’s over, sniffling and wiping at my nose. I feel slightly embarrassed. Breaking down like that isn’t going to make anything better. But I needed to get that out since I’ve been holding the pain inside for days now. “You’re right. I need to be strong.”

He rests his forehead against mine and says, “You are strong, my Rose.” He kisses me sweetly and I mold my body to his. He takes my hand in his and raises it above my head, all the while kissing me. But it’s awkward, it feels weird and I don’t know what he’s doing. I break the kiss and look up as he’s slipping a golden engagement ring sparkling against the light onto my ring finger.