Mirage(38)

I have random conversations with friends who feel like strangers. Some have red cups of I?don’t?even?know?what sloshing around inside. Word has obviously gotten around about my incident with the LSD, because people safely stick to benign topics like their jobs, what they’ve been doing over summer vacation, and how bad they don’t want school to start again. Their mouths are moving and smiling, but their eyes are asking if I’m okay.

More than once, I catch people staring at the pink slash across my brown cheek.

“Attention!” The sergeant has everyone’s eyes on him with that one word through the megaphone. “I’ve got a couple of announcements to make.” The music volume decreases. “For anyone who’s doing tomorrow’s Sierra Golf demo jump, take it easy tonight.” There’s a chorus of good-natured mumblings and laughter. My dad quiets them with one raised hand. “The weather’s spotty, but it looks like we’re still a go. And I know you’ve all been anxious for news about the big-way. It’ll be next weekend. Practice jumps have been ongoing and will continue tomorrow after the demo jump. Even if you are not participating in the big-way, come out and show support. The larger the crowd, the better we look, and I’m pretty sure you’d like them to pick us for the X Games.”

Everyone cheers. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Avery and Dom having an intense discussion by the bathrooms. He turns to walk away, but she fists his T-shirt and tugs him back toward her. The rage that shakes my body is enough for two people. I know I’ve been confused and conflicted, but no one likes to be easy to replace. And what kind of cousin moves in at all, let alone so quickly? Her pout makes me wonder what’s gone on between them.

Dom looks up and catches me watching them. I spin around and head out the door to the lawn area. I want to be alone, but there are a few people out here ignoring the approaching summer storm, which has turned the sky over the mountains from blue to gray. It’s still sunny overhead, though. A few people are swimming in the pool, partying on the lawn, and playing Frisbee. The wind kicks up, lifting the orange Frisbee and tossing it aside.

Dom calls my name. I don’t want to talk to him. I’m chaotic. She is screaming inside my head once more, and I can’t take it. I hear my name called again. I hear his name in my own head. I feel trapped from without and within.

There’s a hand on my shoulder that I know is Dom’s. I dive away from him into the sun-warmed water. Air bubbles tickle my bare scalp and skin. Muffled voices and the warble of water fill my ears. I wish I could stay under forever. I look up at the magnified feet dangling into the water, but then they rise up and disappear. I’m blissfully alone in a cocoon of peace.

A big splash sends the water shifting. I turn. Dom swims toward me underwater, his black hair undulating like burned grass in wind. His dark eyes are fixed on me. A memory flashes from the night in the trailer when his hair looked like waves, then flashes to our kissing in the mirror. I shove the memory away.

I push up from the scratchy bottom of the pool and kick upward, but Dom’s anticipated that, and we bob to the surface at the same time, just inches apart. “This is a fun game,” he pants. His face is anything but amused.

“I don’t want to talk.”

Hear me! she screams within me.

His eyes squint in confusion. “You just said you don’t want to talk.”

“That wasn’t me!” I clamp my hand over my mouth. I can’t believe I spoke her words. I’m possessed. She’s controlled me, and I’m terrified and mortified. My body trembles so hard with fear that my teeth chatter and my head shakes. I’m out of control.

Dom’s eyes narrow. Drops of water glisten on his brown shoulders, and I look away, try to focus on the glaring yellow T-shirt he dropped on the concrete. Too soon, my gaze falls back on him.

“If this is about that conversation you saw with Avery, you got the wrong idea.”

“You don’t know what my ideas are. You don’t know what’s in my head. I said I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

He slaps the water with his hand. “Then what the hell do you want?”

We stare at each other, waiting, challenging. It’s a dance I have many memories of, and it usually ended in . . . makeup sex. My heart picks up speed like it has its own mind. Will my body ever belong to me?

I watch the water drip from the points of his wet eyelashes and, beneath them, clouds reflect in the depths of his eyes. His lips are wet, slightly open. He’s waiting with suffering eyes for me to tell him what I want.

He’s waiting for me to tell him it’s still him.

Thunder rolls over the mountains and through me.

“Tell me,” Dom says, his voice quivering, “that you’re still my girl.” His fingers tighten on the ridge of muscle at the small of my back.

“Why? So you can run to Avery if I’m not?”

He doesn’t answer. Doesn’t move or even blink. He doesn’t even look like he can breathe until I answer him.

“B-But,” I stutter, the truth fighting a tug of war within me, “I?—?I’m not the same girl.”

“I’m still yours, Ryan. Always. That’s not gonna change no matter how much you do. I love you.”

I start to reply, but he swoops his arm around my waist and pulls me against his body. Bubbles rush up my sides and back, delighting my skin. My hands find their way to the slant where his collarbone meets his smooth chest. Part of me wants to push away. Part of me wants to feel the escalation of sensations: my blood pounding thicker through my body, my heart dancing against my ribs, this thirst I didn’t even know I had.