Midnight Jewel (The Glittering Court #2)(82)

The taunt in his tone sparked me back to life, and I began thinking up a list as impersonal as his. “I don’t know what your point is, but yes, it’s the same for me, obviously. I like—wanted—your body too! Rosamunde and I were sizing up all the men on the ship on that first day, and I didn’t even look at anyone else. You were stronger. Hardened. You had a fighter’s stance, and I could tell right away you were more than a shopkeeper. I wanted to touch your face, your arms, your chest . . . and try to figure out if you were some kind of warrior in disguise. You’ve got this look in your eyes that pierces right through me. It’s always hungry. Hungry to tear apart the world and its secrets. And sometimes it’s hungry for me, and that . . . does things to me. Even your hair . . . I like it because it’s like you. Trying to behave, but ultimately, the unruliness—or maybe it’s just defiance?—comes out. And when you didn’t shave—”

Grant held up a hand. “Okay, I’ve heard enough.”

Without realizing it, I’d started smiling when talking about his hair, but his pained expression snatched my amusement away. “What? You asked for a simple answer.”

“And you didn’t give me one.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and slumped against the wall. “Seriously, Mirabel. Let go of . . . whatever we stumbled into. Focus on helping with the case and getting your money. Focus on what you worked so hard to get here for: a husband.” The word tumbled out harshly, like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

“That’s not what I came for,” I said after several moments of contemplation.

A small frown creased his forehead. “Isn’t it? I can’t really believe you sailed across an ocean to help root out traitors.”

“No. I came here for my brother.” I pointed at the letter and could hardly believe I was telling him what I’d never told anyone. “Lonzo Borges is Lonzo Viana. He got in some, ah, trouble and started using a different name. He sailed here almost two years ago as a bondsman. I lost contact shortly after he arrived—until you found him.”

I could see Grant processing this. He rarely learned something he hadn’t seen coming. “That’s why you want the reward. I wondered if you . . . were trying to buy out your own contract. You’ve gone through all of this . . . for him?”

“I’d do more. As much as I’d like to buy out my contract, his bond comes first. And if that means finding a rich husband? Well, it’s worth it to keep him safe. Why are you looking at me like I’m crazy?”

“I’m not. I’m looking in awe. Whenever I think I know how brave you are, you astound me again.”

“I don’t feel brave. I just love him, that’s all. He’s sacrificed for me too.” I clenched my hands in front of me and looked down. “He broke with our father because of me.”

“Broke?”

“Our father trained us both to be a part of his crusade, but we had very different roles. I was the pretty distraction—even more than I am here. I wanted to go on daring escapades, like the men did, but I believed in my father. I thought he knew best. The cause really was just, and I was born to it.” I took a deep breath and almost couldn’t go on. “He encouraged me to be friendly with men when it suited his needs. Very friendly. I distracted them while my father conducted his secret deeds. Sometimes I coaxed out information. Usually, all I had to do was a kiss or a little touching. Sitting on someone’s lap. I didn’t like it at first, but after a while . . . well, I just didn’t think about it at all. It just became I something I did. I was indifferent to it.”

I glanced up. Grant’s face gave away nothing, but I could see him hanging on to every word. I had to look away again at the next part of the story.

“One day, he found an informant who could spill all the plans about a massive attack coming against some Alanzans. The man was ready to talk—but he wanted me along with his bribe. He said he’d give my father’s faction everything he knew in exchange for a night with me. And my father was ready to make the deal.”

Grant jerked upright from his lounging position, face incredulous. “How could anyone make their daughter do that?”

I shrugged. “Fighting injustice was his life’s work. And he didn’t make me do it, exactly. But he pushed. He told me it was a small sacrifice compared to how the Alanzans suffered. That it’d be over fast and was almost the same as what I’d already done. Except . . . this time, I didn’t feel indifferent. I was afraid, but I also felt guilty. I didn’t want to disappoint him or betray the cause. And I almost gave in . . .”

“Almost.” Grant latched on to the word.

“Then Lonzo found out. He’d always followed our father’s way without question too. But this broke him. It broke all of us. My father called me a coward. Lonzo accused my father of selling me like merchandise. We argued all night. I shouted. I cried. And in the morning, Lonzo and I walked away. Our father’s way couldn’t be ours anymore. He went to Belsia and died shortly after that.”

“Mirabel . . . I wish you’d told me that before.”

I finally met his eyes and felt a bitter smile on my lips. “Why? Because we’re always so forthcoming about our feelings and secrets, Grant? I’m not even sure why I told you now. I guess to explain why I’m here and why I need to free Lonzo from his bond. Although, I suppose I’ve sort of become a bonded servant myself in the Glittering Court.”