Midnight Jewel (The Glittering Court #2)(39)

“Of course I do,” I said, trying to sound brisk and pragmatic. “But getting shipped back to Osfrid isn’t going to accomplish anything. I need to go forward, get to the next stage. And you do too.”

“I know. And I mean . . . I really do understand what I signed on for. I want to do it. But Tamsin . . .”

I knew what she couldn’t say. She felt guilty. She thought she was responsible for Tamsin being on the other ship. But I had failed them both. I should have been the peacemaker.

“I know,” I told her. “I feel the same way. But it’s not your fault.”

Miss Bradley was calling for everyone to assemble, and I quickly helped Adelaide change into her gray and silver gown. I painted kohl around her bloodshot eyes and arranged curling tendrils to perfectly frame her face. When we were finished, she looked as flawless as I did—except that grief still filled her face.

“We can do this, Adelaide.”

“You’re so strong,” she said.

Then why was I the one too afraid to show how I felt?

We gathered on deck with the other passengers, and Miss Bradley gave us a brief reminder of what to expect. The captain had already raised a flag as we neared Cape Triumph, one that residents would recognize as the Glittering Court’s. Every year, potential suitors and curious gawkers would gather at the piers to watch us disembark. Jasper, ever the showman, turned it into a big procession, building up the drama and glamour to make sure we were a sensation the moment we literally set foot in Adoria. I hated him for making us do it, and yet, some small, detached part of me understood his reasoning. He was here to conduct business. My companions and I were here to find advantageous marriages. Trudging off the ship in black, with heads hung low, wasn’t really a promising start to that venture.

The shore grew closer and closer. Cape Triumph sat just inside the tip of a piece of land that curled around Denham Bay. Its inner location offered the port city some protection from storms but still kept it easily accessible to ships sailing in from across the sea or along the coast. It was one of the oldest and most important ports in the Osfridian colonies, but the collection of houses, churches, and commercial buildings coming into view seemed like they’d hardly made a dent in that wild coastline. Great forests surrounded it, both towering evergreens and deciduous trees still leafless from the winter. It reminded me of the mountain ranges in northern Sirminica: miles and miles of nature in its purest, hardiest form. This wilderness looked invincible, as though no human hands could ever tame it. But, I supposed, Osfrid had once looked that way too.

I wasn’t surprised when Grant materialized beside me in that way he had. With everyone in the crowd so transfixed by Adoria, no one noticed him seeking me out.

“Mirabel—”

“I know, I know,” I said quietly, keeping my eyes on the coastline. “And don’t worry. This doesn’t change anything. I’ll still do what you need me to.”

He stayed quiet for so long that I had to glance over and make sure he hadn’t left. “That’s not why I’m here. I just wanted to say . . . I’m sorry. And to tell you to be careful about carrying another ghost.”

“You think I should forget my friend?”

“No. I think you shouldn’t forget that you’re still alive.”

He melted into the other passengers, and I felt a brief pang of envy. People complicate things. They can be dangerous if you get attached to them. He’d told me that in our first real talk, and I’d been dismissive. Now, I understood what he meant. Losing Lonzo and Tamsin wouldn’t hurt as much if I didn’t love them. But my life would be so much emptier without that love.

Miss Bradley strode up, clapping her hands for emphasis. “Girls, girls. Let’s get ready. We’ll be the first ones off once the ship is secured.”

The Good Hope glided nearer the pier. This side of Denham Bay boasted smooth, easy waters for ships to dock, again adding to Cape Triumph’s ideal placement. The bay’s far side flanked other colonial territories and was much less hospitable. Its shallow and rocky water allowed smaller boats to get in but nothing like our ship.

I found myself squeezing Adelaide’s hand again as the sailors carefully maneuvered the ship and began throwing ropes to the wharf. I’d spent so much of the past few years trying to blend in that the sight of all those people watching and waiting for us on shore was more intimidating than the untamed city and wilderness behind them. Once securely tied, we had to wait for port officials to come aboard and talk to the captain. Customs officers followed them to begin their arduous inventorying, and before I knew it, we were ushered off to the shore and lined up.

After so much time at sea, solid ground felt nearly as disorienting as the rocking deck once had. Miss Bradley lined us up by rank, and Adelaide went first, bravely taking up that conspicuous position. Amelia, a girl from the other manor, came after her. And then Miss Bradley summoned me.

“Why are you putting me third?” I asked.

Her face was grim. “Because you are third now. Nearly everyone else above you was on the Gray Gull.”

The top three. What Tamsin had most coveted. I met Adelaide’s eyes and had to look away from the anguish I saw in them. Because if I looked at her too long, I was going to have to acknowledge my own pain. And if I did, I didn’t know how long I could keep my hardened fa?ade.

“Adelaide, you need to go now,” said Miss Bradley, not unkindly.