Master No (Masters and Mercenaries, #9)(27)

“We agreed I would entertain you for the next few weeks.”

“Entertain?”

“Isn’t that what submission is for you, Faith? You want me to make the decisions, but you want to be pleased with them. If we’re going out to eat, you want me to pick the restaurant, but a good Master in your mind would select something that pleases you. I ordered wine for you tonight not because I wanted to force my will on you, but because I happen to know you like a white wine, not the red that would have gone with your filet. You’re not really looking for a Dom. You’re looking to role-play. Tell me something, have you ever truly submitted to a man?”

Wow. That was judgey. And might point out why her last Dom had left. “I can’t help but be who I am, Sir. I suppose you’re right. I do view it as a form of entertainment and relaxation and yes, I likely would have been disappointed if you had ordered red wine for me. It gives me reflux.”

She tossed it out because she wasn’t sure it mattered anymore that her digestive issues might make her seem less than sexy.

“You’re used to being in charge,” Ten explained. “I’m simply trying to understand you. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. People need different things to complete them. You want the fantasy Dom.”

“If by saying fantasy Dom you mean I want a man who cares enough to know what I like and who wants me to have it, then yes. I want that fantasy.”

“But you want it without having to ask for it,” he accused.

“I didn’t have to ask for the wine tonight. You’d already figured it out.”

“Did you thank me for it?”

“Thank you. And yes, at the time I did say thank you. I also thanked you for saving me. I’m not sure what else you want.” She was starting to get irritated. He was talking in circles around her. This was exactly what she didn’t want from a man. She didn’t want this horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that she was missing something, that she wasn’t good enough.

“And that’s what I mean by role-play. You want your Dom to instinctively know what you need, but you don’t want to give him the same courtesy. You want a man who seems to be dominant, but you’re still completely in control. I’m having this conversation with you because while I might have been willing to play along in the beginning, everything changed this afternoon. You should understand that I won’t allow you control in this aspect. I am in charge of the operation and of you. I will monitor you twenty-four seven. I will be informed of where you go and what you do, and I will select the guards to go with you when I can’t. Every aspect of your life will come under my jurisdiction and with only one real goal in mind—you alive at the end of the mission. So I think we need to talk about our contract because it will have two parts. I’ll be playing two parts, but understand the guard will always trump the lover.”

“You make it sound like I’m hiring you to play both. I’m not hiring a lover.” Was she? It had seemed like a fun thing to do. Find a Dom. Spend some time with him. Enjoy something with no strings for once in her life. Now it seemed cheap.

She had to decide between the guardian and the lover. Or she had to pack it up and go home and give herself over to her father and his brand of oppressive care.

“Faith, I’m trying to be honest with you.”

She nodded. “And I thank you for it. I think I’ll sleep on it. Do you have everything you need, Sir?”

He stared at her and for a moment she thought he was going to argue, but he finally nodded and finished off his beer. “Yes. I’ll be on the couch if you need anything.”

He nodded her way and walked out.

She needed to start the day over. She needed for things to not get so f*cked up. She’d been happy thinking everything was fine. She’d been looking forward to weeks of not having to make decisions, of being taken care of.

Of pretending someone gave a damn.

Foolish. She was utterly and completely foolish and she needed to tell Master T…Ten in the morning that she was going home to Houston.

She was about to walk back to her room and pack her things when she heard it. The sound of a hand slapping flesh and a low, feminine groan.

“You know I’ll give you what you need, baby. Always. I want to plan my f*cking life around what you need. But give me something back. I need a little something, Erin.”

Another smack. Another low moan. “You wouldn’t take a little, Theo. You would take everything.”

“Only from you. I only want all of you,” came the impassioned reply.

She moved away, the intimacy almost too much to bear. She stepped out into the hall and toward the guestroom.

Wasn’t that what she was afraid of, too? That she would truly find herself giving everything to some man who wouldn’t really care about the gift. Who wouldn’t see it as a gift at all, but rather as his due? When she really looked at it from Ten’s perspective, it did seem like she was hiring a lover.

Had she intended to take from Ten and give nothing real back? She supposed she thought their needs dovetailed neatly. She was submissive and he was Dominant, but it was so much more complex than that. She wanted to see him as a Dom, but he was a man and he had needs that went past sex.

She’d expected him to take care of her, never thinking that he might like a little care himself. Not simply sexual care or service. Maybe he wanted someone who saw him, too.