Managed (VIP #2)(96)

Guilt and shame hit me anew, but my mind skids to a halt. “What do you mean supposed? He is my ex. How can you even think that—“

His lip curls in disgust. “You’re not stupid or blind. You damn well know how this looks.”

“And how exactly does this look to you?” I ask, my heart thudding loudly in my ears. “Tell me, Gabriel, what do think went on here?”

For a second, I don’t think he’ll answer. But then something defiant flashes in his eyes, and he stiffens, those icy, business-like walls slamming down around him. It’s so swift and effective, I can almost hear their phantom clang.

“It looks like you f*cked us over.”

He might as well have punched me in the gut. For a second I can’t breathe.

“Right. All of this, all of what we had together, was just some elaborate ruse to get a story. Sure, why not? I can play a whore, can’t I?”

I will not cry. I will not cry.

“Do not twist this, Sophie.”

“I’m not twisting anything. You flat-out said it. I’m only clarifying your theory.”

“I wouldn’t have to theorize if you would simply tell me what the f*ck happened!” He punches the air, as the words tear from him.

“I shouldn’t have to explain that I’m not some gutter slut,” I shout back. “You should trust me enough not to leap to that disgusting conclusion.”

“And if it had been me? Had you walked in on me with someone who had already hurt your family, someone you knew I’d been in a relationship with while hurting your family? You’d honestly just assume it was all fine because you trust me?”

He looks at me with wide, pained eyes, and my heart squeezes. “Well…”

“No, you wouldn’t,” he cuts in, going hard once more. “At the very least, you’d expect an explanation without having to ask for it. And I would bloody well be giving it to you,” he shouts. “Because you’d deserve that courtesy. Anyone would. And most certainly from the person you—”

His mouth snaps shut, and he turns away, running a hand through his hair. Hunched and trembling, he looks so defeated that I move to go to him. Because if he’s hurting, I need to stop it.

But he doesn’t give me a chance. He straightens once more and turns to me. “I am trying my best to give you a chance here. Because what Killian and I walked in on tonight did not look good.” He spreads his hands in a helpless gesture. “Christ, Sophie, give me something to work with, a bloody breadcrumb of an explanation to take back to Killian.”

My face burns so hotly it throbs. “Killian? You think I give a shit what Killian believes right now?”

“You should be extremely worried about what the bloody hell Killian thinks of you. The band’s welfare should be your top priority, damn it.”

“It’s obviously yours,” I snap.

“Of course it is.” He slashes the air with his hand. “I’m their goddamn manager! What did you think?”

“I thought,” I answer with a shaking voice, “I meant enough to you that you wouldn’t make ugly assumptions. That you wouldn’t worry about soothing Killian’s feelings at the expense of mine.”

All emotion wipes from his face, and he straightens to his full height, rolling his shoulders back as if to brace himself. “This is real life, Sophie. Not some movie. You don’t get to use this as some test to see how much I’ll blindly accept, as if that somehow will make me worthy of you.”

I stand there, mouth open, unable to form a word. A test? He thinks this is some stupid test? But a small, dark part of me wonders, am I testing him?

I would explain all of it if he gave me half a chance to get a word in.

And yet I am hurt that he immediately thought the worst of me. How could I not be? We’re better than this. I gave him my heart; I would never intentionally hurt him or anyone he loves. If he doesn’t know that now, I’m not sure he ever will.

His voice is cold and methodical as he keeps picking, his f*cking logic stomping on my heart with every word. “You think I don’t understand what you’re doing? Give me a little credit. I know you as well as you know me. Did it become too much fun, believing you could manage me?”

This pain is dull and hollow, and somehow worse because of it. I close my eyes against him. “First I’m a sleazy schemer, and now I’m some jerk who enjoys leading you around by the balls for fun? Is that it?”

“Goddamn it, you don’t get to be the injured party here. Not this time.”

My eyes snap open. He looks so genuinely put out and hurt that I don’t know what to say. But I won’t apologize now, that’s for damn sure.

“Well, too bad, because I am injured. And you don’t get to tell me how to feel.” I take a step closer, my fists balling at my sides. “And right now, you’re making it really f*cking hard not to hate you.”

He rocks back on his heels. Silence wells up between us like a living, dark thing. When he finally speaks, his voice is low and unsteady.

“You have always pushed me to express myself. This is me expressing myself. I can concede that I need to let myself live more in the moment and enjoy life. But you, Sophie Darling, need to grow the hell up and take responsibility when things go into the shitter. And if you cannot do that, you don’t belong on this tour.”