Making the Cut (Sons of Templar MC #1)(47)

“Whoa Gwen.” Rosie gaped at me in astonishment. “You are like super restrained, I don’t know any of Cades exes who wouldn’t be up there ripping Gingers throat out.”

“That’s probably why they are his exes.” I decided and take another pull of Amy’s beer. I was slightly pissed that my boyfriend hadn’t gotten mine like he promised. Maybe I was more pissed about the ‘him talking to a slut part’.

“Now can we stop wasting breath on Queen Bitch and talk about something else?”

“Gladly.” Lucy started talking about one of the men from another charter who she was crushing on.

Not long after that, I got a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Lucky smiling down at me with a beer.

“Hey Princess, Cade got caught up, asked me to give you this.” He handed me the beer sitting down beside me.

“Thanks Lucky.” I smiled at him. “What’s new?”

He rolled his eyes, and then gave me a sad look.

“Bitches Princess, they are driving me crazy, don’t know what they are thinking half the time, drives me insane.” He grumbled. “Sorry.” He added looking sheepish.

I laughed. “Its okay.” I took a swig of my beer. “Tell me all about it.”

Lucky didn’t need much probing, he launched right into the stories of his women troubles, talking easily to me, I started to like him more and more as the conversation went on. He obviously had respect for women, he just dated too many at the same time. During our chat, more men came to shoot the shit and introduce themselves. Most were friendly, albeit it scary. Some were flirty, and very attractive, giving Amy lots of attention, which she was lapping up. I started to feel a little bit intimidated at the men as night went on, they were getting rowdier, but I pushed through it, drinking more beer. Lucky stayed by my side for ages, he kept me feeling calm. I was starting to get a bit pissed Cade hadn’t showed up, primarily because of the way Ginger was with him, I scanned the yard and couldn’t find either of them. Great.

My eyes did fall on Bull though, sitting apart from the group, in front of a fire drum. I saw his eyes in the flickering light and something in them alarmed me. I got up, purposefully, Lucky stood too.

“Algood princess?” He asked, the concern in his eyes registered. Cade told him, the prick.

“Yeah Lucky I’m fine, just got to do something.” I replied.

I left the table and he followed my gaze.

“Wouldn’t if I were you Princess, he doesn’t like company so much lately.”

“I’ll be fine.” I responded before turning into the party and making my over to Bull. After multiple glares from some women, and winks from the men, I made it over. I sat beside Bull on the bench and he didn’t even look up.

“Don’t want company Gwen.” He muttered, staring down at the beer in his hands.

“Too bad.” I shot back and he glared up at me, hoping to scare me away. I didn’t move, he shrugged his shoulders and returned to contemplating the fire. I followed his gaze, watching the flames, sitting in silence for a bit. I had also seen Bull a lot during the past week, him and Cade seeming to be attached at the hip. Every time I saw him I became more concerned.

“Haven’t told anyone this.” I started, speaking softly. “Not even Amy, my brother, no one. I would appreciate it, if after I tell you, we keep it between you and me.” I hoped he wouldn’t go running to Cade. Bull continued to ignore me and I decided to take it as agreement.

“I tried to kill myself 6 months ago.” I stated, voice flat. Bull’s body stiffened, but he stayed silent.

I was telling the truth, only me the doctors that treated me and one other person knew about this.

“I was going through some shit...” I started.

“Know about that.” Bull clipped.

“Cades been sharing I see.” I was annoyed but keep on going.

“Anyway, I wasn’t dealing with things well, wasn’t eating, going through intense rehab. Wasn’t sleeping, hardly at all. Nightmares, flashbacks whatever.” I shook my head. “Memories of the night, their faces. Sometimes I would wake up screaming, screaming so loud, neighbors would call the cops, they were convinced someone was getting murdered. Eventually they stopped calling. I saw what I was doing to my friends, family. I wasn’t coping, I was a burden on everyone I loved. Caused them pain, I could see it in their eyes, couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the feeling I had under my skin either, the feeling of dirt, scum, I couldn’t get it out no matter how hard I tried, couldn’t get clean. I decided one day, I couldn’t do it anymore, not to myself, couldn’t lived trapped in my nightmares, couldn’t let my family deal with it either.” I took a breath, and saw Bull was staring at me intensely.

“So I made a plan. I had a date, a date when I was going to finally put myself out of the pain, and put my family out of it too. Yeah they would grieve, but at least they wouldn’t have to watch me rot from the inside out. They wouldn’t have to experience me fading away, worry about me all the time. The date came closer, adrenaline starting running through my veins, I started to get a bit perkier, knowing the end was near. Not happy. I would never be happy.” I felt a lump start in my throat, but I had to keep going, Bull had to hear this.

“It was a Monday and I didn’t want anyone to find me, find my body. I didn’t want to do that to the people I loved. So when everyone was at work I was going to call the ambulance, once I knew it was too late. I was just about to swallow a whole bottle of sleeping pills when my friend turned up. Lucky for me, I had a friend who had been watching me, knew the signs. He had a gut instinct he said.” I looked at Bull in the eyes, put my hand over his, he flinched but didn’t pull away.