Lover Revealed (Black Dagger Brotherhood #4)(69)

Shoving aside all his jealous-guy horseshit, he kissed her hand…and was alarmed by the tremors in it.

He smoothed her cold fingers out between his palms. “What’s going on with this shaking thing? Are you upset or are you sick? Do you need a doctor?”

She waved off his concern with none of her usual grace. “I can take care of it. Don’t worry.”

The hell he wouldn’t. Christ, she was totally weak here, her eyes dilated, her movements uncoordinated. Ill, definitely ill. “Why don’t I take you back upstairs, baby? It’ll kill me not to see you, but you don’t look as if you’re up to dinner. And I can bring you something to eat.”

Her shoulders sagged. “I was so hoping…Yes, I think that would be best.”

She stood up and swayed. As he caught her arm, he cursed that brother of hers. If she needed medical help, who would they take her to?

“Come on, baby. Lean on me.”

Taking it slow, he led her up to the second floor, then down past Rhage and Mary’s room, past Phury’s, and even farther, until they got to the corner suite she’d been given.

She put her hand on the brass knob. “I’m sorry, Butch. I wanted to spend time with you tonight. I thought I had more strength.”

“Can I please call a doctor?”

Her eyes were dazed but curiously unconcerned as she looked up into his face. “It’s nothing I can’t handle on my own. And I’m going to be all right soon.”

“Man…right now I want to caretake like you read about.”

She smiled. “Not necessary, remember?”

“Does it count if I just do it to ease myself?”

“Yes.”

As they stared at each other, he had a screaming thought flash through his pea brain: He loved this woman. He loved her to death.

And he wanted her to know it.

He stroked her cheek with his thumb and decided it was a crying shame he didn’t have the gift of words. He wanted to say something smart and tender, to give the L-bomb a good intro. Except he just came up dry.

So he blurted out, with his typical lack of finesse, “I love you.”

Marissa’s eyes popped.

Oh, shit. Too much, too soon—

She threw her arms around his neck and held on hard, burying her head in his chest. As he wrapped his arms around her, and geared up to go full sap all over the place, voices drifted down the hall. Opening her door, he ushered her into the room, figuring they needed a little privacy.

As he took her to the bed and helped her lie down, he lined up all kinds of sissy words in his head, ready to romance it up. But before he could say anything, she grabbed his hand and squeezed so hard his bones bent.

“I love you, too, Butch.”

The words made him forget how to breathe.

Totally knocked out, he sank down to his knees next to the bed and had to smile. “Now, why you want to go and do that, baby? I’d figured you as a smart female.”

She laughed softly. “You know why.”

“You pity me?”

“Because you are a male of worth.”

He cleared his throat. “I’m really not.”

“How can you say that?”

Well, let’s see. He’d been canned from Homicide for busting the nose of a suspect. He’d f*cked mostly whores and lowlifes. Shot and killed other men. Then, yeah, there was that former cokehead shit and the current and persistent Scotch sucking. Oh, and did he mention he’d been sort of suicidal since his sister’s murder all those years ago?

Yup, he was worth something. But only a trip to a landfill.

Butch opened his mouth, about to spill the beans, but then stopped himself.

Shut your face, O’Neal. The woman tells you she loves you and she’s more than you deserve. Don’t ruin it with the ugly past routine. Start fresh, here and now, with her.

He rubbed his thumb over her flawless cheek. “I want to kiss you. You feel like letting me?”

As she hesitated, he couldn’t say he blamed her. Last time they’d been together had been a mess with his body kicking out that nasty stuff and her brother walking in. Plus she was clearly tired now.

He pulled back. “I’m sorry—”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you. I do.”

“You don’t have to explain. And I’m happy to just be around you, even if I can’t—” Be inside of you. “Even if we don’t…you know, make love.”

“I’m holding back because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

Butch smiled fiercely, thinking if she ripped his back to shreds hanging on tight, that was perfectly fine with him. “Doesn’t matter if I get hurt.”

“It matters to me.”

He started to get up. “That’s sweet of you. Now, listen, I’ll just bring you up some—”

“Wait.” Her eyes glowed in the dimness. “Oh…God, Butch…Kiss me.”

He stilled. Then sank back down to his knees. “I’ll take it easy. I promise.”

Leaning into her, he put his mouth on hers and brushed her lips. Good Lord, she was soft. Warm. Shit…he wanted in. But he wasn’t going to push.

Except then she grabbed on to his shoulders and said, “More.”