Lover Mine (Black Dagger Brotherhood #8)(188)

Fucking. Bingo.

John grabbed that hand of hers and brought it to his lips, kissing the thing hard. Then he put it over his heart, and as she kept it there, he signed, I thought you'd never ask, you meathead.

Xhex laughed again and then he was smiling so hard his cheeks felt

like they were full of buckshot.

Gingerly, he gathered her to his chest and held her with care.

"God, John . . . I don't want to f*ck this up, and I have a bad track record with so much."

He pulled back and stroked her silky, curling hair from her face. She looked so damned anxious--which was not how he wanted her to be feeling at a moment like this.

We're going to work it out. Now and in the future.

"I hope so. Shit, I've never told you this, but I had a lover once. . . . It wasn't like you and me, but it was a relationship beyond just physical stuff.

He was a Brother--he was a good male. I didn't tell him about what I was, which was so not fair. I just didn't think anything would come of it . . . and I was totally wrong." She shook her head. "He tried to save me, he tried so damned hard. He ended up going into that colony to get me, and when he found out the truth, he just . . . lost it. Dropped out of the Brotherhood.

Disappeared. I don't even know if he's still alive. That's the main reason I've fought this . . . thing . . . between you and me. I lost Murhder, and it nearly killed me--and I didn't feel for him half of what I do for you."

This was good, John thought. Not that she'd had to go through all

that--Christ, no way. But now their past made even more sense--and it made him trust better where they were now.

I'm so sorry, but I'm glad you told me. And I'm not whoever that was.

476

J. R.Ward

We're going to take it night by night and not look back. We look forward, you and I. We look forward.

She laughed in a quiet burst. "I think that's it for revelations, by the way. You know everything I do about myself."

Right . . . how to put this, he wondered.

John lifted his hands and slowly signed, Listen, I don't know whether you'd be up for this, but there's a female in this house, Rhage's shellan ?

She's a therapist and I know that some of the Brothers have used her to sort things out. I could introduce you to her? And maybe you could talk with her? She's very cool and very discreet . . . and maybe it will help you with the past as well as the future.

Xhex took a deep breath. "You know . . . I've been living with buried shit for so long--and look where it's gotten me. I'm a meathead, but I'm not a moron. Yeah . . . I'd like to meet with her."

John leaned in and pressed his lips to hers; then he stretched out

beside her. His body was exhausted, but his heart was alive with a joy so pure it was like the sunlight he didn't get to see anymore: He was a mute-ass motherf*cker with a nasty past and a night job that involved fighting evil and slaughtering the undead. And in spite of all that . . . he'd gotten the girl.

He'd gotten his girl, his true love, his pyrocant.

Of course, he wasn't fooling himself. Life with Xhex wasn't going to

be normal on so many levels--good thing he was down with the wild side.

"John?"

He whistled an ascending note.

"I want to get mated to you. Properly mated. Like in front of the king and everyone. I want this to be official."

Well . . . didn't that just make his heart stop.

As he sat up and looked at her, she smiled. "Jesus, the expression on your face. What? You didn't think I'd want to be your shellan?"

Not in a million years.

She recoiled a little in surprise. "And you were okay with that?"

It was hard to explain. But what was between them went further than a mating ceremony or a back carving or a witnessed exchange of commitment.

He couldn't put his finger on the why of it . . . but she was his missing puzzle piece, the twelfth in his dozen, the first and the last pages of his book. And at some level that was all he needed.

All I want is you. However that comes.

She nodded. "Well, I want the whole deal."

He kissed her again, softly, because he didn't want to hurt her. Then he pulled back and mouthed, I love you. And I'd love to be your hellren .

477

J. R.Ward

She blushed. She actually blushed. And didn't that make him feel like he was the size of a mountain.

"Good, then it's settled." She put her hand to his face. "We're going to be mated now."

Now? As in . . . now ? Xhex . . . you're having trouble standing.

She looked him straight in the eye, and when she spoke, her voice

ached--God . . . how it ached. "Then you would hold me up, wouldn't you."

He traced over her features with his fingertips. And as he did, for

some strange reason, he felt the arms of infinity wrapping around them both, holding them close . . . linking them forever.

Yes, he mouthed. I would hold you up. I will ever hold you up and hold you dear, lover mine.

As he fused their mouths, he thought that was his vow to her. Mating

ceremony or not . . . that was his vow to his female.

478

J. R.Ward





SEVENTY


Tragedy struck during a brutal winter storm, and verily, it was not at all like the long labor of the female on her birthing bed. The ruination took naught but the blink of an eye . . . and yet the ramifications changed the course of lives.