Lover Awakened (Black Dagger Brotherhood #3)(71)

What if. What if… She was going to drive herself crazy if she kept this up.

Desperate for something else to focus on, she leafed through what she’d written in her journal over the past year. Zsadist’s name had played a prominent role in the entries right before she’d been abducted. She’d been so obsessed by him, and couldn’t say that had changed. Matter of fact, her feelings were so strong for him now, even after what he’d done tonight, that she wondered if she didn’t…

Love him. Oh…man.

Suddenly she couldn’t be alone, not with that realization shooting around her head. She brushed her teeth and her hair and made a go for the first floor, hoping she’d run into someone. Except halfway down the stairs, she heard voices from the dining room and came to a halt. The last meal of the night was in progress, but the idea of joining all the Brothers and Mary and Beth seemed overwhelming. Besides, wouldn’t Zsadist be there? And how could she face him without giving herself away? No way that male was going to deal well with her loving him. No way.

Ah, hell. She was going to have to see him sooner or later. And hiding wasn’t her thing.

But when she got to the bottom of the staircase and stepped off onto the foyer’s mosaic floor, she realized she’d forgotten to put any shoes on. How could she go into the king and queen’s dining room with bare feet?

She looked back up at the second floor and became utterly exhausted. Too tired to go up and come down again, too embarrassed to go forward, she just listened to the sounds of the meal: Male and female voices chatted and laughed. A wine bottle was uncorked with a pop. Someone thanked Fritz for bringing out more lamb.

She looked down at her naked feet, thinking she was such a fool. A shattered fool. She was lost because of what the lesser had done to her. And shaky because of what she’d seen Zsadist do tonight. And so alone after realizing what she felt for that male.

She was about to throw in the towel and go back upstairs when something brushed against her leg. She jumped and looked down, meeting the jade green eyes of a black cat. The feline blinked, purred at her, and rubbed its head against the skin of her ankle.

Bending at the waist, she stroked its fur with unsteady hands. The animal was incomparably elegant, all lean lines and graceful, sliding movements. And for no good reason, her eyes got blurry. The more emotional she got, the closer she and the cat became, until she was sitting on the last step of the staircase and the animal had crawled into her lap.

“His name is Boo.”

Bella gasped and looked up. Phury was standing in front of her, a towering male no longer dressed in war clothes, but now in cashmere and wool. He had a napkin in his hand, as if he’d just gotten up from the table, and he smelled really good, like he’d recently showered and shaved. Staring at him, she became aware that all the talk and sounds of eating had bled from the air, leaving a silence that told her everyone knew she’d come downstairs and gotten stuck on the periphery.

Phury knelt down and pressed his linen napkin into her hand. Which was how she realized there were tears running down her cheeks.

“Won’t you come join us?” he said softly.

She blotted her face while still holding on to the cat. “Any chance I can take him in with me?”

“Absolutely. Boo is always welcome at our table. And so are you.”

“I don’t have shoes on.”

“We don’t care.” He held out his hand. “Come on, Bella. Come join us.”





Zsadist walked into the foyer, so cold and stiff he shuffled along. He’d wanted to stay until the very dawn at the farmhouse, but his body hadn’t fared well in the frigid air.

Even though he wasn’t going to eat, he headed for the dining room, only to stop in the shadows. Bella was at the table, sitting next to Phury. There was a plate of food in front of her, but she was paying more attention to the cat in her lap. She was petting Boo, and didn’t miss a stroke as she looked up at something Phury said. She smiled, and when her head dropped again, Phury’s eyes stayed on her profile as if he were drinking her in.

Z walked quickly over to the stairs, not about to fall into that scene. He was almost free when Tohr emerged from the hidden door below the first landing. The brother looked grim, but then he never was a party.

“Hey, Z, hold up.”

Zsadist cursed, and not under his breath. He had no interest in getting waylaid by some policy-and-procedure shit, and that was all Tohr talked about lately. The guy was cracking down on the Brotherhood, organizing shifts, trying to turn four loose cannons like V, Phury, Rhage, and Z into soldiers. No wonder he always looked like his head hurt.

“Zsadist, I said, wait.”

“Not now—”

“Yeah, now. Bella’s brother sent a request to Wrath. Asking that she be assigned sehculsion status with him as her whard.”

Oh, shit. If that happened, Bella was as good as gone. Hell, she was as good as luggage. Not even the Brotherhood could keep her from her whard.

“Z? Did you hear what I said?”

Nod your head, *, he told himself.

He barely managed a chin dip. “But why are you telling me this?”

Tohr’s mouth tightened. “You want to front like she’s nothing to you? Fine. Just thought you’d want to know.”

Tohr headed for the dining room.

Z gripped the banister and rubbed his chest, feeling like someone had replaced the oxygen in his lungs with tar. He looked up the stairs and wondered if Bella would come back to his room before she left. She would have to, because her diary was there. She could leave her clothes behind, but not that journal. Unless, of course, she’d moved out already.