Lover Awakened (Black Dagger Brotherhood #3)(32)

So why the hell didn’t he just pick her up and put her in Phury’s bed? Right now.

But he couldn’t move. And as he stared down at her while she lay on pillows he’d never used, between sheets he’d never turned back for himself, he remembered the past…



Months had gone by since the slave first awoke in captivity. And in this time there was not anything that had not been done to him, in him, or on him, and there was a predictable rhythm to the abuse.

The Mistress was fascinated by his privates and felt the need to display them to other males she favored. She would bring these strangers into the cell, get out the salve, and show him off like a prized horse. He knew she did it to make the others insecure, for he could see the delight in her eyes as the males shook their heads in awe.

When the inevitable violations started up, the slave did his best to release himself from his skin and bones. It was so much more bearable when he could rise up into the air, rise higher and higher until he bounced along the ceiling, a cloud of himself. If he was lucky, he could transform entirely and just float along, watching them from above, playing witness to someone else’s humiliation and pain and degradation. But it didn’t always work. Sometimes he couldn’t free himself, and was forced to endure.

The Mistress always had to use the salve on him, and of late he’d noticed something strange: Even when he was trapped in his body and everything being done to him was vivid, even as the sounds and the smells burrowed like rats into his brain, there was a curious displacement below his waist. Whatever he felt down there registered as an echo, as something removed from the rest of him. It was odd, but he was grateful. Any kind of numbing was good.

Whenever he was left alone, he worked at learning to control his huge, posttransition muscles and bones. This he succeeded at, and he’d attacked the guards a number of times, totally unrepentant about his acts of aggression. Verily, he no longer felt like he knew the males who watched over him and who found such disgust in their duty: Their faces were familiar to him in the manner of dream figures, naught but hazy leftovers from a wretched life he should have enjoyed more.

Each time he’d struck out he’d been beaten for hours—although only on the palms and the soles of his feet, because the Mistress liked him kept pleasing to the eye. As a result of his offensives, he was now guarded by a revolving squad of warriors, all of whom wore chain mail if they came inside his cell. Moreover, the bedding platform was now fitted with restraints that could be sprung from outside, so that after he’d been used, the guards didn’t have to endanger their lives letting him go. And when the Mistress wanted to come calling, he was drugged into submission either through his food or by blow darts that would be shot through a slot in the door.

The days passed slowly. He was focused on finding the weakness in the guards and on removing himself as much as he could from the depravity…when for all intents and purposes he died. And died so hard that even when he was out from under the Mistress, he would never truly live again.

The slave was eating in his cell, trying to keep his strength up for the next opening within the guards, when he saw the sliding panel on the door shift open and a hollow tube protrude. He leaped up, though there was no cover to be had, and felt the first sting in his neck. He pulled out the dart as quickly as he could, but he was hit with another and then another until his body grew heavy.

He woke up on the bedding, shackled.

The Mistress was sitting right next to him, her head down, her hair shielding her face. As if she knew he had found consciousness, her eyes shifted to his.

“I am to be mated.”

Oh, sweet Virgin in the Fade…The words he’d longed to hear. He would be free now, for she would need no blood slave if she had a hellren. He could go back to his duties in the kitchen….

The slave forced himself to address her with respect, although to him she was no female of worth. “Mistress, will you let me go?”

There was only silence.

“Please let me go,” he said raggedly. Considering all he had been through, to throw his pride out for the possibility of being free was an easy sacrifice. “I beg you, Mistress. Release me of this confinement.”

When she looked at him, tears were in her eyes. “I find that I cannot…. I have to keep you. I must keep you.”

He started to struggle, and the harder he fought the binds the more the look of love overtook her face.

“You are so magnificent,” she said, reaching down to touch him between his legs. Her face was wistful…nearly worshipful. “Ne’er have I seen such a male as you. Would that you were not so far beneath me—I would show your face in my court as my consort.”

He saw her arm moving slowly up and down and knew that she must be working that rope of flesh that interested her so. Mercifully, he could feel it not.

“Let me go….”

“You never harden without the salve,” she murmured in a sad voice. “And you never find completion. Why is that?”

She stroked him harder now until he felt a burning down where she was touching him. Frustration bled into her eyes, darkening them.

“Why? Why do you not want me?” When he stayed silent, she yanked at his male staff. “I am beautiful.”

“Only to others,” he said before he could catch the words.

Her breath stopped, as if he had choked her with his very hand. Then her eyes slid up his stomach and his chest to his face. They were still glossy with tears, but rage also filled them.