Loved (House of Night Other World #1)(25)

“You broke up with Adam?”

“Well, according to Adam, I iced him out.” Damien lifted his shoulder again. “And I can’t disagree with him. He’s a great guy, but he’s not my great guy.” Then he seemed to deflate. “My great guy is dead.”

“Oh, honey!” I held his hand in both of mine. “I understand. I really do. When Heath was killed, it shattered me—literally. But I made it through.”

“Because you had Stark.”

“I’m not going to say having Stark didn’t help. It did. It still does. But the truth is that I pulled myself together because Heath wanted me to be happy again. That’s one thing you can always count on with someone who really loves you—they want you to find happiness, even when you can’t imagine it for yourself.”

“It feels like part of me is missing.” Damien hung his head. “I thought this terrible empty feeling would go away. Maybe not completely, but enough so that I could feel normal again. But it hasn’t. I tried to fill it up with Adam, and I’m sorry I did. I hurt a good man, and the hole is still inside me. How did you get over Heath?”

“I didn’t,” I said honestly. “It’s not about getting over Heath. I have that place inside me, too. The place only Heath can fill. I’ve learned that I can be happy and miss him—and one more thing—the hardest thing of all. I had to give myself permission to be happy without Heath.” I touched Damien’s chin, lifting his face so that he had to look into my eyes. “Give yourself permission to be happy without Jack.”

“It feels like a betrayal.”

“I know. But where is Jack?”

Damien looked confused by my question, but he answered. “In the Other World with Nyx.”

“Do you think he’s happy?”

His haunted expression softened into a smile. “I’m sure he is.”

“Even though you’re not there with him?”

“Yes. Even though I’m not there with him. Okay, I get your point. It would be terrible if I thought Jack was unhappy and unable to go on without me. It just seems different because I’m the one left alive.”

“Will you try to give yourself permission to be happy? If not for yourself, for Jack?” I asked.

“I will.” He sighed. “But it’s odd timing for all of this to be happening, isn’t it? Especially with Jack and me in the middle of Aphrodite’s vision.”

“It is. I don’t understand it at all. But this isn’t the first time I don’t understand evil.”

Damien paused and tapped a finger on a thin stack of papers that I realized was a copy of Neferet’s journal. “I think we need to keep in mind that according to her own words, Neferet didn’t begin as evil. I’m not even completely sure she realized that she was turning to Darkness. It seems she was simply looking for a savior, and then power so that she would never be in a position of needing to be saved again.”

“How do we move forward keeping that in mind?” I was glad Damien was a fast reader, and that he’d voiced thoughts that’d been circling around in my mind since I read Neferet’s journal, too.

“I’m not sure yet, but I have a feeling we need to remember Neferet was courted by Darkness well before she was Marked.”

“Okay, well, I’ll keep that in mind.” I turned a couple of the old books Damien had spread around him, checking their spines. “Did you find a good protection spell yet?”

“I’ve found several already. I marked some pages here, here, and here.” Bookmarks feathered out of the books he slid over to my side of the table. “Any of them would do, but you don’t need a so-so spell. You need one that speaks to you specifically.”

“But how do I know what should speak to me if I don’t really know what I’m protecting against?”

“Well, Z, that’s why we’re here!” Stevie Rae rushed up to our table bringing her familiar positive attitude, her bright, shining smile, and Shaunee, Shaylin, and Aphrodite in her wake.

“You’re looking better,” I told my BFF as she slid into a chair beside me while Aphrodite took the chair on my other side.

“I feel better, too,” Aphrodite said.

I rolled my eyes. “I was talking to Stevie Rae, but you do look better.”

“What does the bumpkin have to feel better about?” Aphrodite squinted her eyes at Stevie Rae. “You and Bird Boy have a tiff?”

“No,” Stevie Rae said. Then she looked at Damien. “What’s a tiff?”

He answered without looking up from the text he was studying. “Tiff—a petty quarrel, especially one between friends or lovers.”

“Oh. Thanks. Like I said—no. Rephaim and I are just fine. I’ve been a little homesick, that’s all.”

“Homesick? You’re in Chicago still, right?” Aphrodite asked.

“Yep.”

“That’s a city. Not quite New York, but still decidedly better than Tulsa, which is really just an oil slick on steroids,” Aphrodite said.

“I love Tulsa,” Stevie Rae bristled. “And it’s not some dang oil slick. It’s home.”

“Trade ya,” Aphrodite said.

“Any day!” Stevie Rae shouted.