Love's Abiding Joy (Love Comes Softly #4)(41)

"Ya sure?"

Lane nodded his agreement.

"It won't be easy."

Lane recognized that.

"Wish I could help ya--I can't promise. Yer sure ya can do it?"

Lane swallowed. "I know I can't," he said solemnly. "But I'm . . . I'm trustin' thet He can."

The religion-hating Smith looked at the silent, shy Lane with grudging respect.

Willie and Lane went to the house where the doctor was waiting. Willie led the group in prayer, and the men went to Clark's room and the ladies to the kitchen.

The hands on the clock seemed to drag their way around. The three women sat at a small worktable, untouched coffee cups before them. They had prayed together off and on throughout the whole ordeal. They had cried together and praised together. Maria felt that it was time to share her secret.

"Juan always wanted to be a doctor. From the time he was a small boy, he dreamed and planned. At first his father said no. If he wanted to serve, he could be a priest and serve the church; but Juan pleaded. Finally his father said, 'Yes, go ahead; but you will need to pay your own way. My money will not go for foolish dreams.' His father is very wealthy. In his own way, he loves his sons. He wanted both of his boys to stay and ranch with him. Juan went away to the city to school. It was hard. He had to work and he had to study. His father thought that he would give up and come home again. But Juan did not. At last he was finished. He was a doctor and was given a good job in a city hospital. His father thought that he should come home now. He could be a doctor to the gringos and their families, but Juan said no, he must first know more, and then he would come home."



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Maria stopped. It was very difficult for her to continue.

"And then one day he was called home. It was urgent. He must go home right away. A man had been hurt. Juan went home and found the injured man. He, too, had crushed his leg. A horse had fallen on him. The leg was too badly broken to fix. It might have been different if he had quickly had a doctor and had been taken to a hospital soon. By the time Juan got there, the leg was as this one. It was infected and was stealing away the man's life."

Maria stopped again and took a deep breath.

"He had to take the man's leg. He had to. There was no other choice. Juan did the only thing that he could do. The man lived and he became again awake. And then . . . then a dreadful thing happened. He discovered that his leg was gone. He was angry. He screamed at Juan. He wanted to kill him. He said that Juan had always been jealous of him and had used his knife to make him less a man. He screamed and screamed until the father came. He too was angry. He sent Juan from the room. And then . . . then there was a pistol shot. Juan ran back to the room. The man had shot himself. Juan's father had not stopped him. The father lay weeping across the body of the dead man--his son--Juan's brother."

Missie gasped in horror and Marty shut her eyes against the awfulness of the story that Maria had told.

"Juan left his father's home and said that he would never, never be a doctor again. He hated what he had done to his family. He came to me. I loved him very much. We were planning to be married. Juan said that he could not marry me, that he was going far away. That he would never again be a doctor. He threw his bag across the yard and wept as he told me. I said that I loved him. That I still wanted to marry him. That I would go away with him. At last he said I could go. I packed a few things and we went to the village priest who married us. Juan did not know it, but I packed his medicine bag as well. It has been hidden these many years.

"We came here and we began to ranch. Juan knew ranching. He had been raised on one of the biggest ranches of Mexico. He had ridden and cared for cattle from the time he was a



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small nirio. But still Juan was not happy. He could not forget the past. He could not hide the desire to be a doctor."

Maria toyed with the handle of the cup that held the cold coffee.

"I said that Juan was troubled about coming to church. Of what to teach our little ones. That is right. I did not lie. But Juan is also troubled about other things. He looks at the boy with the twisted arm, and it turns a knife within him. He knows that he could have set the arm properly and the boy would not have been crippled. He knows of the boy with the broken ankle in town. He knows that you all suffer here in this house with the good man, Clark. It makes my Juan suffer, too. He has not slept or eaten the last several days. He did not know what to do. He did not know that I had his bag and there was some medicine in it."

Maria sighed.

"He will always ask himself, could he have saved the leg if he had come sooner?"

"No," said Marty. "He mustn't think that. The leg was crushed. It was a very bad break. I don't think thet anyone could have saved it. I pretended--but I didn't really believe. Juan mustn't blame hisself. He mustn't. He mustn't blame hisself 'bout his brother either. Juan did what had to be done. He couldn't have done anythin' else."

Maria smiled weakly. "I know that and you know that-- and down deep Juan knows that, too. But it still torments him. Only now--now I pray that he can forget that deep hurt and go on to heal. He was always meant to be a healer, my Juan."

Willie walked into the kitchen. His face was pale and his hands shaky.

"It's all over," he said. "Doc says it went well. Now we jest haf to wait an' see."