Love & Gelato(74)

“Why didn’t you just tell her?”

He shook his head. “Everyone but Hadley knew that I was in love with her, and I knew it would just look like I was stirring things up. I was also pretty sure that Matteo would just deny it and then I would lose your mother’s trust. Then once they broke up I couldn’t see any reason to tell her. Also, I was kind of a coward. The breakup was my fault.”

“Why?”

“Your mom was becoming withdrawn and started saying pretty critical things about herself and her work. So one week when Matteo went out of town for a conference, I called him up and told him that if he didn’t stay away from her I’d tell the school.”

“And that’s when he broke up with her?”

“Yes. And then I went ahead and told the school anyway, and they ended up firing him. Hadley was so heartbroken it was like the color had been sucked out of her. I spent weeks wondering if I’d done the right thing.” He pushed off, sending the swing gliding. “But then she seemed to get better. I convinced her to spend a summer here with me, and we were together for a while. But then I lost her again.”

“Because of me.”

He shook his head, gesturing to the cemetery. “She should have told me. I would have walked out on this in a heartbeat.”

“That’s exactly why she didn’t tell you.”

“I know.” He sighed. “I just wish she’d let me make that decision. One day with Hadley was easily worth a lifetime in Italy.”

“Tell me about it.” I studied him for a moment. He loved her. Like really loved her. And he’d been missing her for even longer than I had. It made me want to throw my arms around him.

I looked away, blinking back tears. Hopefully my eyeballs would dry out one of these days. Otherwise I was going to be offered a job as spokesperson for Kleenex or something.

“Did you ever try to get her back?”

“No. In my mind she’d chosen Matteo. If I’d known the reason why, it would have been a different story. It wasn’t until years later that I found out they weren’t together and then only recently that I found out about you. I worried a lot about her, but every time I thought about reaching out, it was like something stopped me. Maybe my pride.”

“Or just not wanting to get hurt again. She basically smashed your heart to bits.”

He chuckled. “Smashed indeed. And of course, I was eventually able to move on. But having you here . . . well, I’ve kind of been reliving it.”

We were quiet for a minute. The sun had risen full and hot, and my hair was practically sizzling.

He shook his head. “This isn’t at all how I’d imagined we’d have this conversation, but I’m glad that things happened the way they did. And now we don’t have to worry about Matteo. Your mom was really careful about keeping you away from him, especially once she was successful. She had always wanted to bring you to Italy but was too afraid to until now. I guess you being close to eighteen made her less afraid of Matteo.”

“She probably never thought I’d be the one to go looking for him.”

“Never. I think she underestimated you.” He chuckled. “I think I did too. I can’t believe you went to Rome.”

“It was stupid.”

“Well, that goes without saying. But it was also pretty brave.”

“Ren came with me. He helped a lot.” My expression fell. Ren.

“What?”

“Ren’s not . . . talking to me anymore. I upset him.”

Howard’s forehead creased. “Did you get in an argument?”

“Something like that.”

“I’m sure whatever happened, you two can work it out. He really cares about you. I can tell.”

“Maybe.” We sat there for a moment, swinging back and forth, when suddenly a thought occurred to me. “Howard, were you trying to tell me something when you told me that weird story about the woman who gave birth to the boar?”

He laughed. “The porcellino. I’d better stop doing that. It really doesn’t seem to work.”

“No.”

“All right, yes. I was trying to tell you something. When we went to see the statue I realized it was the perfect symbol. Even though our circumstances are strange, and we’re a bit of a mismatch, I really do want to be a part of your life. We may not be a regular kind of family, but if you’ll have me, I’ll be your family just the same.”

I looked up at him and a thousand feelings swelled up inside me until I was as taut and full as a balloon. My mom had been totally right. No one would ever come close to replacing her, but if I had to choose someone, it would be Howard. She’d just been a few steps ahead of me.

“So what do you say, Carolina?”

I hesitated. I didn’t want to rush into anything, but I did know that today it felt right. And that was going to have to be enough.

“Okay.” I nodded. “I’m in if you’re in.”

He gave me one of his lopsided smiles, then leaned back in the swing. “Good. Well, now that we have all that cleared up, what about this Ren business?”





Chapter 27




HOWARD INSISTED I COULDN’T GIVE up. If I wanted to see things through, I needed to be good and sure that there hadn’t been some kind of gross miscommunication between Ren and me.