Love & Gelato(51)
APRIL 5
Another night of drama. Simone got tickets to a new club near Piazza Santa Maria Novella and our group plus a few other students met up around eleven. I’d been working late at the studio, so I showed up on my own and when I got there the first two people I saw were Adrienne and Howard. They were to the side of the building, and Adrienne was standing with her back to the wall and Howard was leaning in to her, saying something in a low voice. The scene was so intimate that for a moment I didn’t understand what I was seeing. I’ve never seen the two of them even talk one-on-one. What was this?
I went into the club without them noticing and found the rest of the group, and then the two of them came in separately, acting like nothing had happened. Then things really got weird. Partway through the night Adrienne called Alessio a liar—something about him breaking his promise to go with her to an art exhibit—and for some reason that really set Howard off. He told her that she was the last person on earth who should call someone a liar, and that if she had any shred of dignity she’d come out with the truth. Adrienne hissed back that it was none of his business. Then Simone stepped in and told them to both calm down.
Guess I’m not the only one with secrets.
APRIL 19
X has been out of town for a full week, but he gets home tomorrow. TOMORROW. I haven’t been able to think about anything else. After class I told Francesca that I needed to find The Dress. You know, the once-in-a-lifetime dress guaranteed to make anyone fall in love with you. (Or in my case, make me look amazing when I tell him my big news.)
Francesca was the perfect person to ask, because when it comes to shopping she has the patience of a saint. It took us five hours, but we finally found it. It’s an off-white sundress, very feminine, with a sweetheart neckline and a skirt that falls just above the knee. Francesca even talked me into getting a haircut. Who knew cutting off a few inches of useless hair could give you cheekbones?
And what’s my big news, you ask? Earlier this week Petrucione asked me if I’d be interested in staying on through August to assist with the upcoming semester. I’ll be paid and get an extension on my student visa, which means I will be here until the end of the summer!!
APRIL 20
Woke up early this morning ecstatic to see X and there was a message on my phone. He decided to extend his time at the conference he’s attending and won’t make it until Monday. That’s when I had a brilliant idea—I’ll surprise him in Rome! Even if he’s attending seminars all day, at least we’ll be in the same city. I can spend my days touring. Express trains take only ninety minutes, so if I catch the four p.m. train this afternoon, I’ll be waiting for him at his hotel when he’s done for the day. I can’t wait to see the look on his face!
APRIL 21
This is my third attempt to sit down and write about what happened in Rome. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but it’s OVER.
I was never able to find X’s conference online, so when I arrived I called his cell phone and told him I was at the train station with some great news. Right then an announcement started on the station’s overhead speakers, and when things finally quieted down, I realized that something was wrong. He told me to wait right where I was.
A half hour later he came charging into the train station, and something was definitely wrong. I asked him if he wanted to sit in one of the station’s cafés, and for the next twenty minutes I just listened to him talk. Bottom line: He feels like his work has gotten stagnant, he needs some new creative space, and he’s decided to leave the school and pursue another job in Rome. Oh, and we’re over.
Over.
I just sat there, his words swirling around me. It was like my mind couldn’t process it. And then it all hit me. This was the end. He was breaking up with me.
Suddenly I couldn’t hear his excuses anymore, only the hard truths. I’d spent nine months lying to my friends. I’d strained ties with my family. I’d completely changed my life to be closer to him, and our relationship had never been to him what it was to me. I had the fleeting thought that I could talk him out of it—tell him that I’d figured out a way to stay in Florence even longer—but even in that brief moment of denial I knew it was useless. When someone walks out of a relationship, there’s nothing you can do to keep them there.
X was still talking when I stood. I said good-bye to him in a normal voice, like I hadn’t just been shattered into a million pieces, then went to the counter and bought a return ticket on the very next train. I hadn’t even been in Rome for an hour. I never even got to wear my dress.
APRIL 22
Woke up this morning thinking I’d had some kind of nightmare, but just like the last few days, reality was waiting for me to get my bearings so it could knock me down again. My eyes were so swollen from crying myself to sleep that I had to sit with a cold washcloth over them before I looked acceptable enough to go to class. The whole weekend I’d been holding on to a tiny shred of hope that X would be in class this morning, but of course he wasn’t. Can it really just be over? Nothing has ever hurt this badly. Nothing.
APRIL 25
It turns out that Francesca knew all along. Last night after dinner she put her arm around me and told me that X wasn’t worth it, and he never had been. I was so surprised. Did everyone know?
MAY 2
This morning Petrucione announced that X has resigned from his position. I felt a huge relief—not because he’s officially gone, but because someone said his name. I didn’t let people in on the relationship, and so now I can’t let them in on my heartache. I feel so alone. Talking to Francesca doesn’t help. If I bring him up, she says bad things about him, and I end up feeling worse. Florence is the perfect place to fall in love, which means it’s also the worst place to be heartbroken. Some days I just want to go home. Should I even stay through summer?