Love Starts with Elle(59)

“I’m not sure I can even move.”

When he came out, he plopped next to Elle on the couch. “What’d you do? I’ve never seen her so worn out.”

“We played a lot.” She yawned. “Did you have a good trip?”

“Interesting and reminiscent. When I took a leave from the firm, the partners gave me a six-month limit or lose my position. The senior partner wants me back. Claims he’s losing the firm and needs me to keep the power balanced.”

Elle leaned forward to see him, her hair falling over her shoulders, the last hint of her perfume wafting around her. Her eyelids still at half-mast. “What do you want to do?”

“Talk to God, think. But pretty sure I’m not leaving before September.”

“How did the award ceremony go?”

“Very nice, but it seemed sort of empty, after the fact.”

“Was it good for you to be there?”

“Yes, and I was honored to accept the award on her behalf.”

Elle tapped his chest, over his heart. “Bubba, how’re you doing in here?”

My heart? In here? “Difficult, if you must know. Brought back a lot of memories, but at the same time closed windows and left doors ajar.”

She shoved her hair out of her eyes. “See, that wasn’t too hard.”

Heath regarded Elle for a moment. “She died in Iraq. Went embedded with an army unit to do a story on the plight of the Iraqi women.”

Elle eased back against the couch. “Iraq? Heath, I had no idea.”

“Last May she went over to do a story for the Network News on the Iraqi medical conditions. She found it deplorable for women. We’re in the twenty-first century, but their conditions were more like the first century. Women regularly dying in childbirth, without everyday medical and sanitary supplies. Things we take for granted.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“When she came home she couldn’t get the story out her mind.

She begged for an assignment to do a full-fledged documentary. I didn’t know about the request until she was leaving.”

“Did she think you’d say no?” Elle turned sideways, tucking her feet underneath her.

“I don’t know.”

“Would you have?”

“Probably. We had a three-year-old girl. She was gone a month the first time. I adjusted my caseload then, but I planned to make it up when she got back. We had this idea we could both be full-time, Mach-10 career people and full-time, outstanding parents.” Heath kicked his shoes off under the coffee table.

“The concept is way easier than the execution.”

“By the time I found out, Ava was all but on the plane. That’s what adds to the sadness of her death. We were at odds when she died. From the moment she left, to our last conversation.”

Elle rested her head against the top of the couch. “But she knew you loved her, right? You knew she loved you.”

“Yeah, in the I-made-a-commitment-and-I’m-not-backing-out sort of way. But we needed to be together to hash out some issues.”

She combed her hair back, slipping her fingers through the long strands. Heath felt her movement in his gut and averted his gaze.

“This is where Jeremiah and I fell off the wagon,” she said. “We didn’t want to duke it out in a forever commitment. We wanted to fall in love, get married, and both have our way, a hundred percent.”

Heath pictured Elle standing up to the all-pro wide receiver. “I’d buy a ticket to that show.”

“You would, would you? Very unentertaining. A lot of nonverbal speaking.” Elle poked his arm. “But tonight is about you. Go on with your story.”

“Turning the tables on me from your supposed wedding night, eh?” Actually, it felt good to talk about Ava outside the demand of grief.

“Yes, so go on.”

“Her second trip went well, as only an Ava trip can go. She’d filmed a lot of great stories and was excited about the women she’d interviewed. A week from coming home, she heard of a village in the southern region where a lot of insurgent fighting kept the people locked in terror. The medical conditions were very poor and she wanted to go down. The army granted her request to go embedded, and on a hot August day . . . the vehicle she rode in was shelled. The report said everyone died instantly.”

In the sparse light from the lamp, he saw the sheen in Elle’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“The news literally shocked me. These, like, electric impulses fired all over my body. My mind couldn’t compute the news for a long time. I try to remember Ava died doing something she loved, not caring about her own life to make a difference for others. If I could have her alive and not pursuing her passion?” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t change a thing. So few people have a passion. And if they do, they don’t pursue it. Bravo for her. She died for what she believed in.”

“You make me wish I could’ve known her.” Elle slipped the afghan from the back of the couch to cover her legs.

“You would’ve liked her, become friends and terrorized me, I’m sure.”

“Someone has to do it.”

“I was sleeping when they called. We’d been e-mail arguing intensely for a week about this embedded trip. Too dangerous. She accused me of not trusting her instincts. And I didn’t. Passion can blind reason sometimes. Plus, the firm was in the middle of a capital case and I couldn’t focus on TL like I needed to.” Heath sat forward. “Do you want something to drink?”