Lost in La La Land(10)

I would have to think about the changes I needed to implement at a later date.

Glancing up at the expression on her face, I winced.

There was no doubt in my mind that Danny Jacobs was to her what Jonathan was to me—her soul. They had just celebrated their engagement when his car went off the road with them both in it. He had saved her from the vehicle and swam her to shore where she managed to crawl from the icy waters, but he hadn’t been able to do the same. Exhausted from saving her, he was swept away with the river, his body found much later, frozen on the banks.

She married the mayor two years later, but the wedding photos showed the hollow stare of a girl still lost in the current, still clinging to the body of her love. A girl who had also loved a man destined for the other world, the one we weren’t allowed to go to. The one where our hearts were held hostage.

The mayor’s face was not the same as hers. He obviously loved her. Her desperate sadness and desire to escape came from the very same place that told me to avoid the Lucid Fantasies machine. My Choose Your Own Adventure would be overpowered by my broken heart.

Had I known about hers, I never would have let her use the machine.

I should have done a more thorough check into her background. I should have researched her. I should have listened when the mayor told me she couldn't come anymore. I should have let my dog die in the fire.

I should have done a lot of things I didn’t.

Focusing back to the problem at hand and leaving the past and the “should haves” where they belonged, I gazed up to watch her for a while, staring, motionless. She didn't move and barely breathed. I began to drift off until I was startled by her gasps for air. She sat up, shuddering and coughing. She turned and frowned at me. “Why are we here?”

“Danny Jacobs.”

She winced. “What?”

I nodded. “You lied to me.”

She lay back, confused and continuing to breathe heavily. “What about him?”

“When I first thought about making the machine to hook up to books or art, it was only to have someone write a certain story that I could live in, a story that was once real before it took a wrong turn. I wanted to fix the wrong turn and escape this world.”

She turned her head, staring at me like a ghost. “But you never go in.”

“I can’t, Lana, don't you see that? I know what would happen to me if I went in. I wouldn’t get lost in the perfection of that world. I wouldn't care about the story of the book or the characters. I wouldn't even notice the plot. Because I lost someone once who meant more to me than anything in the world, I have always feared I would find him in there, waiting for me. I would never leave if he were in there. I would become addicted to the machine. Or I would force my body to remain in a coma so I could stay and be with him.” As much as I hated her for making my machine look like the guilty party, I understood.

A tear slipped down her pale cheek. “He was there. Danny. He was always there. We danced and talked, and he was just as I remembered him being.” She closed her puffy eyelids, squeezing them shut. “He was warm and alive. And then it got harder and harder to find him. I could chase him around and finally find him. And we would . . .” Her cheeks flushed.

My heart broke for her. “And of course you got addicted to seeing him.”

“And heartbroken every time I left him.” She quivered.

“You can’t go in there ever again, Lana. You have to grieve and let him be where he really is.” My words stung inside me where the darkness was. I knew the words. I knew their meaning. I knew I needed to hear them, no matter how painful they were.

She didn't answer me. She sobbed quietly.

I got up, taking her cool hand in mine and squeezing. “Take care of yourself.”

She sniffled and heaved, and yet I left her there. I had enough of my own misfortunes; I didn't need to see hers too.

I went home to snuggle my dog and contemplate the places I had gone wrong in everything.

And that maybe the mayor was right. My science was dangerous.





Chapter Five


Manhattan, New York, 2026



The paper crinkled in my hand from the force of the wind and my grip. My eyes couldn't leave the one word I refused to believe: lawsuit.

Instead of telling the mayor the truth, Lana let him believe my machine had caused her mental breakdown. She never mentioned Danny Jacobs to him, and I believed it was because she was angry with me for refusing her the journey into the story again.

I crumpled up the paper, tossed it into the garbage pail, and stormed into the shop. The phone rang, lighting up on the wall, revealing the face of the doctor ordered to test the machine for me. They had been calling for days.

I contemplated not answering again, but I knew they wouldn't stop until they were able to test it. Pressing the button, I sighed. “Hello.”

“Hello, Dr. Hartley. We’re hoping this afternoon works for the assessment of the Lucid Fantasies machine.”

“Fine.” I nodded at the man with the beard. “It does. I have cleared my appointments for the month to go through the system anyway.”

He smiled like we might be friends or colleagues. “Excellent. I will see you in a few hours.”

I pushed the “end call” button and slumped onto my desk, staring at my picture of Lola. As I was already in my late thirties, I had to assume my dog would be the last love I ever had and, unfortunately, she was in her last decade of life.