Lost and Found (Twist of Fate #1)(46)
“What moment?”
“You know… the moment.”
Xander smiled. “Ah, the moment. I’d forgotten about that.”
“No,” I cried, clutching my heart dramatically. Xander laughed and I gave him a gentle slap on the arm. “You said you loved those movies just as much as I did.”
“I never said that. I said I loved that you loved them.”
“What’s the difference?”
“The difference is that I didn’t stay up night after night memorizing the lines from those moments and force you to act them out over and over again.” He had me there. I’d had a weird obsession with movies when we’d been thirteen. I’d honed in on the moments where the big gesture happened. Whether it was the hero telling the heroine he was sorry for whatever folly had befallen the couple or the poor bullied kid turning the tables on his tormentor… it hadn’t mattered. I’d waited breathlessly each time for “the moment” and the ones that had left some indelible mark on me, I’d forced Xander to reenact with me, which he’d done so without question. My favorite had always been about the kid at odds with his parents. It was pathetic, but every time the parents had wrapped their arms around their kid after some near-death experience or event that had made them appreciate their child more, I’d dreamed it was me. That it would be my mom and dad hugging me so tight I could barely breathe and I’d feel their tears against my skin as they told me over and over how much they loved me.
“So you never got it?” Xander asked, pulling me back to the present. “Your moment?”
I shook my head. “You think there’s a use-by date on those things?” I asked jokingly, but he didn’t smile. “Anyway, as you can imagine, the gay thing didn’t go over well.”
“Shit, Bennett,” he said. “What happened?”
“Well, I kept putting off telling them. Didn’t even consider coming out until I had my first real boyfriend in college, and even then, I chickened out. Finally, I knew I had to tell them because the stress of keeping it a secret was making me sick.”
“How’d you do it? What did you say?”
“I was all set to tell them. We were going to be having dinner together one Friday night at their house, and I knew it would be the perfect chance to tell them in private. That way I could leave if things got tense. But right when we sat down at the table, my dad beat me to the punch. Looked right at me and asked me what the hell I thought I was doing.”
I took a deep breath as memories of that night threatened to bring back long-forgotten emotions. “I didn’t know what he was talking about, and my mom must have seen the confusion on my face. She told me that Dad had run into one of my Harvard classmates on the golf course that day and he’d introduced Dad to my boyfriend. I thought I was going to die.”
“Oh shit, Benny,” Xander murmured and the sound of my nickname helped tame some of the rampant emotions I was feeling as I recalled my father’s fury. I doubted Xander was even aware that he’d slipped back into calling me that more and more these past couple of days, and I treasured every instance like it was gold.
“Yeah. It turns out it was Aiden, and he’d tried to stop it.” I slid a quick look at Xander when I mentioned Aiden’s name. They’d been getting along better, but I wasn’t sure how he’d feel about me bringing up the fact that I’d had a romantic relationship with the other man. Hell, I didn’t even know if he’d figured out that Aiden had been the guy I’d lost my virginity to. But Xander didn’t look upset. At most, there was a slight tension in his jawline, but it disappeared quickly, so I continued.
“He knew I wasn’t out to my parents, so he made a big joke about it. Said something like, ‘Ha-ha Brett, that’s hilarious. Nah, Mr. Crawford. Bennett and I are just friends. Nice to meet you, sir.’ He played it off, but I guess Brett’s face gave it away to my dad. And maybe that’s just when everything fell into place. It’s not like he didn’t already know.”
“What do you mean? You think he already knew you were gay?”
“He suspected it when you and I were in eighth grade. Seemed to be antsy about it. That’s why he—” I stopped myself. Shit. I’d been about to mention my dad’s warning about keeping things just friends with Xander, but I didn’t want to go there with him. It would bring up things between us that would most likely cause tension again. And I sure as hell didn’t want tension between us when we were alone together, sharing a beautiful hike on a perfect day.
“Why he, what?” Xander asked before whistling to get Bear’s attention from where he’d wandered a little too far.
“Nothing. I don’t want to talk about my parents anymore. Tell me about your coming out. Does Lolly know?”
Xander barked out a laugh. “Yes, Lolly knows. She thinks it’s the greatest thing ever and gets mildly inappropriate asking for details of all my relationships.”
I felt unease in my gut and tried to stop myself from asking the question, but it was no use. “Your relationships? How many have there been, exactly?”
Xander’s face flushed, reminding me of the shy boy I’d known so many years before. Fucking cute as hell. “None. I mean— well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve dated some guys, but nothing super-serious. I shouldn’t have said relationships. I just didn’t want to say my aunt was asking for details of my hookups. Sounds gross.”