Lost Along the Way(33)

They paused when they got to Steve’s classroom and nodded silently at each other before Jane knocked softly on the open door.

“Hi, Dr. Steve,” Jane said. She was trying to keep it casual, to act like it was a completely normal thing for Meg’s estranged friends to show up at his school. Cara stood next to her and seemed to be even more uncomfortable than she was, which didn’t really make any sense. Jane knew that Meg was mad at her for disappearing from her life, but she still had no idea why she had a problem with Cara. At some point, someone was going to tell her what happened between them, even if she had to beat it out of her.

Steve was sitting behind his desk, reading and mindlessly twirling a red pen when Jane knocked. When he looked up, he dropped the pen on the floor and stared at them like they’d risen from the dead. Jane would have understood his being surprised, but the emotion he was registering wasn’t surprise; it was something much closer to horror. Slowly he stood, knocking a copy of Jane Eyre off his desk in the process. He ran his hands over his corduroy pants as he desperately blinked back tears. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple almost getting stuck in his throat as his breathing became more labored. “She’s dead,” he said, choking out the words.

“Meg’s dead?” Jane screamed. The inside of her throat began to burn, and she could actually feel her brain stuttering in her skull, every thought she had bouncing off the others, causing one loud, buzzing, crash.

“What?” Cara asked. She dropped her purse, causing her wallet, car keys, and a lipstick to scatter all over the floor.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Jane wailed.

How could this have happened? she thought. How could we not have known?

“Wait. That’s not why you’re here?” Steve asked. “I thought you were here to tell me that!”

“Why would you think that?” Jane asked.

“Then why are you here?” Steve answered.

“Not to tell you anyone’s dead, for Christ’s sake!” Cara said.

“Meg isn’t dead?” he asked, noticeably calmer.

“Not that I know of, but I haven’t seen her in years. You’re her husband; wouldn’t you know if she were dead? Jesus Christ, what the hell is going on?” Jane asked. She was beginning to realize that the perfect lives she’d imagined for her friends were, in fact, imaginary.

“Oh, thank God,” Steve said.

Jane felt herself relax, just a little. “Okay. Let’s try this again. We came here to tell you that we wanted to talk to Meg. We had no idea where you live anymore, but we found out you were still teaching here, and this seemed like the best way to find you and thereby her.”

“We separated,” he said. “I haven’t talked to her in a while.”

“When?” Jane asked in utter disbelief. If Meg and Steve couldn’t make it work, then there was no hope for anyone.

“About a year ago.”

“Why? You guys were perfect. Why would you split up?” Jane asked.

“I’d rather not get into it,” Steve said.

Cara picked her things up off the floor and shoved them back into her purse, as if she didn’t want to be a part of this conversation anymore. It struck Jane as odd that Cara didn’t think the lipstick that had rolled under the radiator could wait.

“Cara, did you hear that? Would you get up off the floor and listen to Steve?” Jane asked.

“I’m sorry,” she replied, standing up and tossing the lipstick back in her purse. “What happened?” Jane noticed that Cara stared at the floor when she asked the question, as if she already knew the answer.

“It’s personal,” he said quietly. “I’d rather not get into it.”

“Oh, Steve, I’m so sorry,” Jane said. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Cara added.

“Anyway, she’s been withdrawn and depressed for much longer than we’ve been separated. She won’t let me help her. I’ve tried to help her. I want to, but she pushes me away.”

“I know the feeling,” Cara said, finally looking up to meet Steve’s eyes.

“Okay. I wasn’t expecting this at all. I’m sorry we barged in on you here,” Jane said, the realization that Meg’s marriage was also a mess somehow making her feel better about her own—which totally disgusted her. What kind of woman used a friend’s disaster as a reason to feel good about her own shortcomings? She really needed a shrink.

“Why are you two looking for her?” Steve rightfully asked. “What are you two even doing together?”

“Looking for someplace to hide,” Jane answered.

Steve smiled. “Jane, you were always one of those people who never had a problem telling it like it is. I like that about you. It’s nice to see that you haven’t changed that much over the years.”

“Except for the fact that I’m now tabloid fodder on the run on Long Island because I couldn’t find a place to hide in a city of ten million people. Other than that, yeah. I’m exactly the same.”

“I’ve seen the news. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this nightmare. Did you really not know? I mean, is that really true?” Steve asked. “I don’t mean to sound like a jerk and I don’t mean to pry, but you did just track me down in my classroom and scare the life out of me. So I’m hoping it’s okay to ask.”