Livia Lone (Livia Lone #1)(57)

“I thought you blew me off,” Sean went on. “And then I heard about Mr. Lone. I’m really sorry.”

Livia looked down, then back at him. “I would never blow you off.”

“I know. I was being stupid. I’m sorry.”

They were quiet for a moment. She was dreading what she had to tell him. She didn’t know how.

Sean wiped some melting snowflakes from his cheeks. “So . . . will you be back in school soon?”

His expression was so open, so concerned. It hurt to look at him, and she glanced down again.

“No,” she said. “I’m going to stay with Mrs. Lone’s brother for a while. In Portland.”

“What? Why?”

“Mrs. Lone . . . she needs some time to herself.”

“But . . . when will you be back? What about school?”

“I’ll finish school in Portland.”

“B-but . . .”

He stopped. It was the first time she’d heard him stutter in longer than she could remember, and it made her want to cry to think she was the cause of it.

“You don’t have to go to Portland,” Sean said. “You could stay with my dad and me. For as long as you want. I could ask him. I know he’d say yes.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“But why?”

“I just can’t.”

There was a long silence. Sean said, “Well, when do you leave?”

She’d never heard him sound so forlorn. She could feel her eyes wanting to fill up and willed herself not to cry.

“Tomorrow morning.”

“But that’s so soon!”

“I know.”

“I . . .” He stopped. “Jeez, Livia. Who am I going to train with?”

She laughed softly. “Everyone wants to train with you. You’re the best wrestler on the team.”

“No, you are. And what about jiu-jitsu?”

His words were like a knife twisting inside her. She knew he didn’t know it, that he couldn’t understand, but still it hurt so much. “Sean, please . . . I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t understand,” he said, and the sadness and helplessness in his voice had her on the verge of crying. She had to get away. Had to hide.

“At least meet me tonight,” he said. “At the playground.”

She couldn’t speak. But she nodded.

“Ten o’clock?” he said. “Can you sneak out?”

She nodded again. With all the people in the Lone house, it wasn’t as though anyone would notice. Or care, even if they did.





39—THEN

It was still snowing when Livia slipped out of the house and walked to the playground. She liked the snow. It was still so strange to her, and she hoped she would never get used to it or take it for granted. It was lovely, the way it covered everything and made the world look so fresh and clean.

Sean was waiting for her, wearing a wool hat and a down jacket like she was. He smiled as she walked over. “You want to sit on the swings?”

She didn’t, actually. Tonight she wanted to be able to see him, not sit side by side. She smiled back and said, “Let’s just stand for a while.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

She looked around, realizing this might be the last time she saw the playground. She would never miss the rest of Llewellyn. But the playground was special. A place she associated with Sean. With that night, a year earlier. There was even a moon again, like the year before, though this one was behind clouds that suffused everything in a soft glow. This would be a nice way to remember it, she thought. Blanketed in white, with the whole world hushed by the gentle, falling snow.

“Is everything okay at the house?” Sean asked.

“It’s okay. There are a lot of people.”

“My dad wrote you a letter,” he said, reaching into his jacket and pulling out an envelope. “I don’t know what it says. He said you could open it now, if you want. Or wait until later. It’s up to you.” He handed it to her.

She hesitated for a moment, then pulled off her gloves and opened the letter.



My dearest Livia, This is just a short note from a man who’s never been prouder of anything than to be Sean’s father and his and your teacher.

I know Sean told you that you could stay with us if you need to, for as long as you like. That invitation is from both of us. It will always be there. It’s never going away, not for anything. I told you, girl, you have people who care about you. So if there’s anything you ever need—anything, ever—you call on us, and we’ll be there.

All that said, we understand you have your reasons, and we respect them whatever they are.

Remember that your talent is your ticket. And never stop believing in yourself. Those two things, and nothing’s ever going to stop you.

I’m not going to say goodbye, because I feel certain our paths will cross again. Until then, thank you for the privilege of being your teacher, and I’m looking forward to seeing whatever you decide to make of yourself. I have a feeling you’re just warming up now, and the best parts are all yet to come. I love you, girl.

Malcolm



By the time she was done reading, her tears were all over the paper. She handed it wordlessly to Sean. While he read it, she wiped away her tears and managed to stop crying.