Live to Tell (Live to Tell #1)(78)

Again, Elsa wonders if that’s a sign.

But how many times over the past fourteen years has she looked for signs—and found them?

A cardinal sitting in a branch outside the window for days on end, a phone ringing with no one on the other end of the line, a chance meeting with someone also named Jeremy…

With fleeting hope, she’s interpreted all those incidents, and countless others, to mean her son is still alive.

This is no different, she tells herself. As she told Mike, she needs closure. And that’s all she can expect.

Reluctantly, Elsa goes inside to face her husband.



“Lauren! Long time no see!”

She turns to see Janet Wasserman pushing a grocery cart around the aisle, and her heart sinks.

“Hi, Janet.” She should have known better than to shop at the A & P, convenient or not. But after what happened in the doctor’s office, she was in no hurry to go back to the empty—hopefully empty, anyway—house, and deal, too, with Nick’s disappearance. She just needed to prolong it all a little longer. To lose herself in something mundane.

“And Sadie, Sadie, little lady…look at what a big girl you’ve turned into!” Janet leans over to give her a hug.

Sadie stiffens and takes a step closer to Lauren.

“She’s shy,” Lauren feels obligated to explain. Shy, and still a little traumatized from her appointment with Dr. Prentiss.

“Well, I don’t blame her. It’s been ages since she’s seen me. She probably doesn’t even know who I am. I’m Ian’s mommy, sweetheart. He’s your brother Ryan’s friend.”

No response from Sadie.

“Oh, thanks for having Ryan stay for dinner the other night,” Lauren tells Janet.

“Anytime—he’s never any trouble, and he was so appreciative. You should have seen him gobble down the steak and shrimp.”

“I can just imagine,” Lauren murmurs.

“We enjoy having him around. You know how much I love to cook, and I’m always glad to help out.”

Maybe it’s just me, Lauren thinks. But something about Janet’s tone—and her words—is rubbing Lauren the wrong way.

It’s as if she assumes she’s providing Ryan with something his own mother can’t give him: an expensive, home-cooked, sit-down family dinner.

I can do that for him, too, Lauren wants to tell her.

But the truth is, she can’t. She just checked out the prices on steaks and seafood, and wound up throwing chicken into the cart instead. Which she’ll be lucky to get onto the grill before it goes bad since she, unlike Janet Wasserman, doesn’t particularly love to cook. And there’s no getting around the fact that there’s an empty chair at family dinners in the Walsh home these days.

So…you win, Janet.

“I hear you dropped off a carload for the tag sale yesterday.”

“Oh—Ryan told you?”

“No, Alana Fleming did. I’m on the committee.”

Of course you are.

“Well…” Lauren checks her watch. “I’ve got to get moving. I need to pick up Ryan and Lucy at the pool before it rains and get home to make dinner.”

“Why don’t you all come over to our house for dinner? We can catch up…would you like that, Sadie? We have our very own swimming pool. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Sadie shakes her head no.

“That’s really nice of you, Janet,” Lauren says quickly, “but not tonight. It’s supposed to rain, and it’s been a long day so…maybe some other time.”

“Definitely. I’ll give you a call. And again, if there’s anything I can do to help out with Ryan—or the other children—you know I’m always here for you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it. And you know I’m always here for you, too,” Lauren can’t resist adding.

“Er—of course.”

Mercifully, Janet makes small talk for only another minute or two, then pushes her cart on past.

As much as she’d suddenly love to get out of here, Lauren lingers on the aisle, not wanting to catch up to her again.

“You know what, Sadie? I think you’re a big enough girl to try some new foods, don’t you?”

“I don’t like them.”

“What don’t you like?”

“New foods.”

Lauren sighs inwardly. She can’t help but remember the time she and Nick had discovered a stash of rancid meat and spoiled dairy in the hidden compartment in Sadie’s closet. She should probably check it again, just to make sure.

“You know, Ryan and Lucy like to try new foods. Don’t you want to be a big girl like they are?”

“Ryan isn’t a big girl.”

Despite everything, Lauren can’t help but laugh. And it feels good. So good—so normal—that she wonders, for a moment, if everything is okay after all.

“Oooh, SpongeBob!” Sadie picks up a box of fruit snacks and points to the cartoon character. “Can we get them?”

“No”—Lauren takes them out of her hands and puts them back on the shelf—“but we can get these.” She picks up the store brand.

“I don’t want those.”

“They have seven fruit juices,” Lauren informs her—wondering if that’s even true.