Live to Tell (Live to Tell #1)(64)

“What are we doing today, Mom?” Lucy, wearing shorty pajamas and carrying her book and her iPod, appears in the kitchen as Lauren tosses a filter full of cold, wet coffee grounds into the trash.

Ordinarily, she pours what’s left of the morning coffee into a pitcher to ice in the fridge for later, but today, she drank the entire pot herself.

And I’m still exhausted.

A warm breeze billows the curtains at the screen above the sink as Lauren runs water into the empty glass carafe, telling Lucy, “I’m not sure what we’ll do.”

She only knows that it’s going to be another long, hard day.

Stress, anger, exhaustion—all of it due to Nick.

“Maybe we can go back to the mall,” Lucy suggests hopefully.

“Maybe we can—wait, no. Sadie has a doctor appointment this afternoon.”

“I hope she doesn’t have to have any shots. Remember last time?”

Last time. How could she forget Sadie’s annual checkup, in April? Sadie, hysterical, writhing, needing two nurses, Lauren, and Lucy all to restrain her for the needle…

That was not long after Nick left. Lauren was in tears, too, by the time the ordeal was over.

“It’s not that kind of doctor appointment,” she tells Lucy.

“Oh. It’s the shrink?”

“Please don’t say that in front of your sister. And please don’t tell anyone outside the family about this.”

“Mom, it’s no big deal. Everyone has a shrink.”

Everyone, who? Everyone at camp? Lauren is too tired to ask.

Lucy opens a cupboard. “We need more cereal.”

“Add it to the list.”

It was Nick who, years ago, pinned a magnetic “Groceries” pad to the fridge. Whenever someone notices the household has run out of something, he’s supposed to write it down. No one but Lauren ever does it without prompting—though Ryan has been known to list wishful items like Pepsi and Ring Dings.

“When was the last time you went to the supermarket? Because we’re actually out of a lot of stuff,” Lucy announces from behind the cupboard door, where she’s apparently taking inventory.

“I don’t know—it’s been a while.”

The truth is, it’s been months. All summer, she’s been picking up a few grocery items here and there at the Korean market and the Rite Aid a few towns over, reluctant to visit Glenhaven’s lone supermarket. She’s never been able to get into and out of that store without running into several people she knows.

“I’ll stop at the store today after Sadie’s appointment,” Lauren tells Lucy.

After all, it’s August. No one’s around. Plus, the A & P happens to be located in the same strip mall as Dr. Rogel’s office. Pinch-hitting Dr. Prentiss said she has her own office elsewhere but that she’d meet them here so that Sadie will feel more comfortable.

“Don’t forget to buy Lucky Charms. And sugar, and chocolate.”

“Chocolate?”

“We don’t have any.”

“Did you write it all down?”

No answer from Lucy.

Lauren turns to see that she’s just plugged in her iPod earphones and is fiddling with the volume.

With a sigh, she turns off the water, dries her hands on a dishtowel, and reaches for the magnetic pad. Lucky Charms, sugar, chocolate…

Household staples, for sure. Good thing Nick isn’t around to criticize their eating habits.

She adds to the list because really, what the hell? Pepsi. Ring Dings. Doritos. And fake yellow cheese that comes in jar.

She can never remember what you call the stuff. Nick used to say it was toxic. Lauren considers it decadent.

She tears the list off the pad, sticks it into her purse, and waves her arms at Lucy.

“What?” Lucy unplugs one earbud.

“I’m going to go up and take a shower and get dressed now before something else pops up.”

“Have fun.” Lucy plugs in again.

“Oh, I will,” Lauren mutters. She’s been trying to get back upstairs for the last couple of hours, but there’s been a barrage of interruptions: Sadie waking up and wanting breakfast, Ryan waking up and wanting breakfast, Sadie and Ryan arguing over the television, an endless phone call from her mother…

Lauren didn’t tell her about Nick’s latest misdeed, and she had asked her sister not to mention it, either. She knows her parents now loathe Nick as much as they adored him over the course of the marriage—and they aren’t opposed to bad-mouthing him in front of the kids, Lauren discovered during their last visit.

The less ammunition she provides, the better.

“How’s you-know-who?” her mother asked, just before they hung up—and right after she pressed Lauren to set a date for a visit.

“Mom, you can say his name.”

“I know I can, but I don’t want to. How is he?”

Lauren sighed and told her Nick was fine.

Which is true—if “fine” entails dropping off the face of the earth for a few days to “think.”

Lauren steps over Chauncey, snoozing on the rug in the foyer, and starts up the stairs.

How nice for Nick to have the luxury of undistracted “thinking.” Or undistracted anything. What she wouldn’t give for a little less distraction, and a little more—