Lily and the Duke (Sex and the Season #1)(78)
The duchess nodded. “This isn’t your fault, Daniel.”
“It is,” he said. “I believe she was pushed.”
“What? Why would you think that?”
“She regained consciousness for a few moments in my chamber. She said… My God, she said it was Lady Gregory.”
“She actually said that Lady Gregory pushed her?”
“No. Not exactly. She just said ‘It was Amelia.’”
“Why on earth would Lady Gregory push Lily down the stairs?”
“I told you this is all my fault. Damn it all to hell!” He stood and started pacing, his heart thundering.
“Please, my darling, sit.” The duchess patted the sofa beside her. “None of this is your fault.”
“It is. Lady Gregory wants me for herself. She told me so.”
“Surely she wouldn’t…”
“She would. Remember how her husband died?”
“Nothing was ever proven.”
“It doesn’t matter. She pushed him, and now she pushed Lily. And if Lily dies, it will be all my fault. I can’t bear this. I can’t! Just when I thought I had everything.” He sat down and buried his face in his hands.
The duchess put her arms around him. “Daniel, if this is true, we need to summon the authorities.”
“Yes, yes. I want her off this estate. I want to see her rot in Newgate. The hangman’s noose is too good for her!”
“Do sit still for a moment.” The duchess rose and rang for a servant, whispered to him for a few minutes, and returned. “Crawford will summon the authorities, and Lady Gregory will be escorted from the premises.”
“Thank you, Mother.”
“I’m going to take care of you, Daniel, the way I should have taken care of you when you were a boy. There are so many things I’m sorry about. So many things…”
“None of that matters now,” Daniel said, resisting his mother’s embrace. “All that matters is Lily. I don’t know what I’ll do without her.”
“You will go on, of course. But you’re putting the cart before the horse, darling. Lily is young and strong. There is every chance that she will come through this.”
“She changed everything for me. She made me feel alive again. She showed me kindness and tenderness when I needed her. I love her, Mother. I love her.”
“I know you do. I know,” the duchess said, trying again to embrace him. “She will be all right, Daniel, and the two of you will have a long and happy life together.”
A maid brought in a tea tray, and the duchess poured a cup. She held it out to Daniel.
“Drink this. Come on.”
He pushed her hand away.
“Just one sip.”
He obliged her.
“Good boy.” She took a sip of her own tea. “She’s going to come back to you. Just wait and see.”
“It doesn’t matter whether she comes back to me. I just want her to live. She has so much vigor and passion. I love her more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Christ, I never told her.” He shook his head. “I’m going to let her go.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not going to force her to marry me.”
“Daniel…”
“I’ll beg her to. I’ll tell her how much I love her and I’ll give her anything she wants. But in the end, I won’t force her. I was wrong to go behind her back and talk to Ashford. I just couldn’t bear the thought of her refusing me. But I was being selfish. Her happiness means more to me than my own. If, in the end, she wants to leave, I will let her go.”
“She won’t leave you, my darling. She loves you.”
“I don’t know that she does.”
“Of course she does. How could she not?”
“I never dared to hope that she could love me. I’ve made so many mistakes. So many years of wandering aimlessly, engaging in affairs.” He looked at his mother in wonder, his heart full, yet breaking. “But it all led me to her, didn’t it?”
“Yes, it did.”
“I’ll do anything for her. Even if she can’t give me an heir. All I want is her.”
“She will stay with you.”
“God, I hope you’re right.” Daniel rubbed the nape of his neck. “If I lose her, I don’t think I can go on. She seems to know me better than I know myself. I don’t know how, but she can read me like no other. She told me I hadn’t mourned for father and Morgan. How did she know? She offered to help me, to talk to me. I turned her down. If I could take that back I would tell her everything. I would…”
“Come here, my darling.” His mother pulled him close. “It will be all right. It will be all right.”
Daniel resisted at first, but then let his mother cradle his head as if he were a babe. His stomach ached as he trembled, his mother’s caresses doing little to soothe him. His breath came in rapid pants as daggers sliced into his marrow. His stomach churned and his bowels cramped. Fear. Gut-wrenching terror. Sorrow ripping out his soul.
Slowly he breathed. In and out. In and out. Then he did something he hadn’t done in over two decades.
He cried in his mother’s arms.