Lifeblood (Everlife #2)(84)
They blow me kisses before heading off.
One of the merchants rushes over and places a piece of manna in my hand. “Please enjoy,” he says, bowing to me. “My gift to you for all your hard work on our realm’s behalf.”
“I—”
He returns to his table before I can politely decline. Should I decline, though? A rejection would be rude. I mean, he wanted to do something special for me. The least I can do is appreciate the gesture. “Thank you,” I call, and he beams.
As I enter the cathedral, a message from Kayla comes in. You free? I could really use a friend.
Even though I told the newbies no, I can’t bring myself to abandon my friend in a time of need. I would love to meet up, but I have to rest. Levi’s orders. Come to my apartment!
A pause, then: Let’s meet at the Baths of Restoration. Levi would approve, promise. See in you 5!
I switch directions.
When I reach the baths, I take a moment to enjoy the scenery, an elaborate structure consisting of multiple bodies of water—both hot and cold springs—broken up by arched doorways and massive stone sculptures in the shapes of flowers, birds, horses and winged warriors.
Light falls over me, and I soak it up, buzzing with a sudden influx of energy. My body guzzles the rays as if I’ve been dying of thirst.
The pressure on my lockbox eases. Just like that. I’m stunned.
Kayla exits the Gate, her expression troubled. She gives me a hug and leads me to one of the hot springs. We sit at the edge and dip our toes into the warm, violet-colored water. I gasp as liquid fizzes against my skin.
“What’s going on with you?” I ask. “Did something happen with Victor?”
She stiffens, saying, “Another girl showed up at his apartment, and he asked me to leave. Her name is Martha, and she’s one of the Leaders under General Bahari. They’re in charge of communications. The smart ones. How can I compete with that? He said she’s a friend, and she needed a shoulder to cry on. But it looked to me like she wanted a guy to ride.” She cringes. “Sorry. That was crude. It’s just...this place...the rules. Do you ever feel like it’s all too much? Like maybe you would have been better off choosing—” She presses her lips together, shakes her head. “Never mind.”
“Better off choosing Myriad?” I ask gently. “Where the party never stops?”
She looks left, right, making sure no one is listening. Then she nods.
“Not really,” I answer honestly. “I like structure. But this isn’t about the realm or the rules, is it? It’s about the boy.”
Her chin trembles. She wipes at her eyes with the back of her wrist. “If Victor cares for me, he should want to give me his attention, right? He shouldn’t want to spend time with other girls. Hurting me should hurt him.”
Well. I can’t argue with that. “Have you talked to him about your feelings? Sadly, boys aren’t mind readers.”
“No, but...”
But? “Are you two dating?” I ask.
“I thought we were. Before his abduction, he told me he liked me. He also told me we had to keep things quiet since our relationship wasn’t Grid-approved. But it shouldn’t matter, you know? He has free will. Now I’m wondering if his free will is telling him to see other girls.”
Ouch. “Maybe ask him about his long-term intentions?” In this area, I have little experience. I’ve only ever dated James—who lied to me the entire time, and I never suspected—and Killian.
“I’ve done that, at least,” she grumbles. “He says I’m the only one. He says he wants to take the next step with me, to...you know, but every time I push for a legit commitment, he balks.”
You know. Sex. I remember a time when I’d been so shy, the S-word had made me blush, too. But I’m not that girl anymore. Prynne changed me.
“I know our rules are in place for a reason, that we’re supposed to follow the directions of the Grid because forever is a long, long time, and we don’t always see the whole picture like the Grid,” she continues, sounding miserable, “but maybe I should just go ahead and sleep with Victor? He’ll leave me if I don’t. And it’s just sex, right?”
“Uh, you do not sleep with a guy just to keep him. If your body is more important to him than your mind, he’s not worth keeping.” My tone is stern. I may not have experience in this area, but I know she’s a treasure worth fighting for. “Sex isn’t a relationship cure-all.”
Killian and I aren’t having sex—we can’t. And yet he’s doing everything in his power to help me. He wants the best for me, no matter what. He prizes me.
Just as I prize him. He’s strong, smart and witty. He’s fun. He’s protective and possessive. He’s determined. To those he loves, he’s kind. He’s giving.
He’s willing to die for me. Can I really do less for him?
To me, Killian is worth any hardship. He’s worth any pain I’ll have to face. Besides, if I won’t fight for what I want, I can’t cry when I don’t get it.
“What should I do?” she asks.
“Listen to your instincts. Follow your heart.” Good advice. Advice I need to follow. “Never compromise what’s right.”
chapter nineteen