Lifeblood (Everlife #2)(54)
Going from dreamy to stern in a blink, she wags a finger at me. “A pretty face shouldn’t affect us. A pretty face can often hide a monster. Beauty fades. Character lasts forever.”
“Killian isn’t a monster.” He isn’t!
I wrap my fingers around the edge of the podium and squeeze, the color quickly leeching from my knuckles. “We cannot say love is the answer to every problem and not love everyone. Including Myriadians. We must see past the realm to the innocent men, women and children who populate it. We are supposed to help others. Shouldn’t we help even those who have hated us?”
More gasps erupt behind me, but I’m past the point of caring.
“Perhaps you’re right, Miss Lockwood. But how can you know for sure? You are overconfident without actual experience, and you refuse to listen to those who do have experience.” The oldest woman folds her arms over her desktop. With her dark hair, eyes and skin, she could pass for Cleopatra. “You were told to watch and observe, and yet you dived headfirst into action right from the start. You need seasoning.”
“I had permission,” I say, and one of my number brands throbs. I think... I think it’s telling me to stand down.
“You had permission after you’d broken your commander’s order. Now I must wonder. How quickly will you break rank during your next assignment?”
“Why don’t we wait until I actually break rank before casting blame,” I say with a little bite. “Also, I think we can all agree today’s mission had a happy ending.”
The oldest male leans forward, his pierced brows winging into his hairline. “Yes. Today’s happy ending could be tomorrow’s tearjerker. You look at the here and now while we look ahead to the endgame.”
“Maybe our endgame needs to change,” I reply.
He ignores me, saying, “Have we reached a verdict?”
“We have,” the others call in unison.
“Tenley Lockwood.” The intensity of Oldest’s gaze pierces me. “You will not be benched. However. During your next mission, you will not issue a single order. You will do as your commander tells you without complaint.”
My spine fuses with a bar of steel, my brands throbbing harder, faster. “What if I disagree with my commander?”
“A baby must crawl before she can walk. A subpar Conduit will never defeat Myriad.”
Throb. I grind my teeth. “You’re asking me to surrender my free will.” Something I will never do. I fought too hard for the right to choose.
“No, Miss Lockwood. We’re asking you to willingly submit your will to another’s. There is a difference. We’re giving you the opportunity to plant seeds, to be a good helper so that one day you will have good help. Sow and harvest, the foundation of our realm. Enjoy a bountiful return, or lament a rotten one. There are no other options.”
Throb, throb. “No way, no how. I won’t obey an order I disagree with.”
His stare remains unwavering. “What makes you think you know what’s best? You, who have many questions but few answers. What makes you think you can lead your teammates when you cannot even lead yourself? Here’s the truth, unvarnished. If you cannot accept discipline, you cannot grow.”
Does everything he says have to be treated like a precious pearl of wisdom?
THROB! “You’re right. I don’t have all the answers, and I’ll never know what would have happened to Dior if I’d remained in the background as ordered. So. I’ll submit myself to whatever punishment you deem fit. But let the others go. I’m responsible for any wrongs committed.”
“Agreed.” He bangs a gavel. “So you have said, so it shall be done.”
The man in the corner returns to take my hand. He ushers me to the end of the line. My knees tremble, but I lock them in place.
Levi is escorted to the podium...where he is praised for using every circumstance as a teaching moment.
Elizabeth goes next. I’m shocked when she doesn’t say anything negative about me.
After they are questioned, Victor, Reed and Kayla are thanked for their service. Meredith is last, and she’s warned about the perils of favoritism.
As soon as she rejoins the line, we’re dismissed. Levi leads us out of the room...the building. Outside, warm sunlight strokes me, soothing my razed nerves.
Elizabeth mutters a hasty goodbye to everyone but me and hurries off. Doesn’t want me to ask why she supported me in front of witnesses?
Reed has a class and heads in the other direction.
Meredith gives me a hug. “I’m proud of you. I wish I could stay and celebrate your first mission, but I need to watch over Clay and Dior.” Off she goes. A workaholic’s job is never done.
That woman...oh, that woman! I love her more every day.
Victor and Kayla hang back.
“I received permission to take you on a tour of Archer’s place,” Victor tells me. “Want to go?”
The griminess left over from the debriefing sloughs off me. “Yes!” A thousand times yes. I’ll get to see where Archer lived, walk among his things and breathe in his beloved scent. “But why did you have to receive permission?”
“Until the Resurrection, the homes of the dead are preserved.”
Kayla stiffens, saying, “I thought we—” Whatever she sees in Victor’s expression quiets her. “I’ve, uh, got to go. Things to do,” she says with false brightness. She scurries off before I can question her about her odd behavior.