Lethal Temptations (Tempted #5)(85)

She crashes and when she does all there is darkness.

And a bottle of lithium.

Or in her case nothing.

Connie had called me earlier in hysterics and after listening to her plead her case I went downstairs and stared at the photos that covered my walls. I slowly removed one of the frames and stared at the gaping hole in the wall, a reminder—I’m a manic depressive and I waited too long to get help. A hole that mimics the one left behind when my son left this world.

Jack I’m telling you, she’s not right. I know the signs I lived them—with you. You need to talk to her. Please. You’re the only one who can help her.

I called Mack, and he told me Lacey was at the cemetery. I knew then that Connie was right. I don’t know why, but in my heart I knew there was something wrong with our girl. I wasn’t prepared to find her sobbing, blaming herself for Jack’s death. I wasn’t expecting to hear her tell me she was in love with Blackie.

But the thing that killed me was when she finished my sentences.

She confirmed my nightmare.

Then my precious girl told me it wasn’t my fault.

But it is.

If I didn’t have this shitty illness, she wouldn’t either.

I gave it to her.

And now I had to make it better.

I had to help her find her sunshine and pull her back from the darkness.

I had to protect her from her maker.

Because being her father meant being her protector, the one person who was never supposed to hurt her.

I’d make it right.

I walked over to her car, opened the door for her and took her hand as she climbed out. Connie opened the front door, instantly grabbed Lacey and enveloped her into her arms.

“I’m okay,” Lacey assured her mother as I followed them into the house, closing the door behind them. Connie’s husband, Rob, rose from the couch and extended his hand.

“I’ll give you guys a minute,” Rob offered.

Rob’s been good to my daughter, treated her like his own and he earned my respect. I shook his hand, gripping it hard.

“You’re as much a part of this as the rest of us,” I told him. “Stay.”

I felt Connie’s eyes on me and turned my head so our eyes locked.

“Lace, give us a minute,” I requested.

“So you can talk about me and make decisions for me? I’m an adult you can’t do that. I have as much— “

“So I can apologize to your mother,” I interrupted.

“Jack, you don’t have to apologize,” Connie whispered, wrapping her arm around Lacey’s shoulders as she stared back at me.

I held up my hand and shook my head, stopping any further words from spilling out her mouth.

“I should’ve listened to you then and now,” I asserted. “Maybe things would be different.”

“Or maybe they wouldn’t,” she said. “No one knows better than you and I, sometimes you don’t get a choice, sometimes there’s a bigger plan.”

I stared into her eyes, bloodshot and full of unshed tears and swore to myself to take the pain away from her eyes. I put that pain there, all those years ago, when the lines on her face weren’t yet visible and before we leave this earth and are reunited with our boy, I will take that pain away.

“Got a chance this time to make it right though,” I rasped, reaching out and taking Lacey’s hands, pulling her out of her mother’s arms. I bent my knees, stared into her eyes and hoped she’d find the will reflected in my eyes. “Say your peace and say it loud, give your truth to your mother and let us help you.”

Lacey stared back at me, her lip trembling as she breathed through her mouth.

“It’s okay,” I whispered. “You’re going to be okay but to get better you have to accept it. You need to say it out loud and not be scared or ashamed.”

She nodded as she took my hand and turned around to face Connie.

“I need help,” she admitted, hesitantly. “Because there are times, more often than not when I can’t control my thoughts, when everything I think I know is ripped from me and I can’t make sense of it all anymore. I have tried to; I swear I’ve tried…but I’m so tired of fighting with myself. I just want to be normal but I’m scared,” her voice trailed off as she cried along with her mother.

She diverted her eyes to mine.

“I’m scared the medicine won’t work and that I’m stuck like this. I’ve known for a long time there was something wrong with my head but I never said it out loud. If I go get help and it doesn’t work there is no hope so, I fight and I hold off because I’m not ready to live the rest of my life knowing I’ll never be happy…truly happy. I’m silent because in silence there is hope.”

“Look at me,” I said, grabbing her shoulders. “I’m your hope, okay? When you doubt yourself and your ability, you look at your old man and know there’s a hope. A bastard like me doesn’t deserve peace, but I got it, and I’m hanging onto it. You, Lacey, you’re sweet and you are loving, you’re a good girl with a great big future and if I got it, then you better believe you’ll have it too because I can’t believe that God would give me good and not you.”

She brushed away her tears and choked back a sob before a smile slightly formed on her face.