Lethal Temptations (Tempted #5)(17)

I took a deep breath, pushing the hair out of my eyes as I stared at the roses. I don’t even know if she liked pink roses. I should probably switch it up, maybe next week I’ll get red… or purple, purple roses are different. They stand out, just like she always did.

“I f*cked up,” I said, mindlessly. “But that’s no surprise especially not for you. It’s different this time, this time I didn’t just f*ck with my life but with someone else’s too. Someone I never wanted to hurt, someone who doesn’t deserve the pain I inflict…someone as pure as you were when I met you. I don’t know what the f*ck it is with me. How a guy like me gravitates toward the innocent ones but I f*cking find all of you,” I hissed.

“I’ve never forgiven myself for taking something so perfect and destroying it, breaking it down until there was nothing left…I’ve never forgiven myself for what happened to you. It used to be your smile I was addicted too. It used to be your light that got me by. It used to be you.”

I shook my head. “And now it’s her. It’s her smile that makes me forget what I did to you. It’s her light that makes me want to crawl out of the darkness I binge on trying to torture myself until I pay for my sins. You and I both know how this ends though. I’ll take and take until there is nothing left. I’ll break her like I broke you. But as similar as the two of you are, you are different. She’s young, hasn’t experienced much and doesn’t know how f*cked the world really is. She’ll break easier than you did. She’ll hurt more than you did.”

I paused, swiping my hands down my face as I ignored the vibration in my pocket signaling I had another text.

“The thing is, I went to her today to end things, to apologize for what I did, for what I took and to smooth things over. I don’t want her out of my life but I need her to understand nothing can come from us because of what I am and who she is. I didn’t get to do that and now I’ve got this f*cking urge burning inside of me to be better for her. So, that favor? You’ve been leaving me, fading away from me, you hardly visit me anymore and I can’t have that. I need you there, in my face, reminding me I’m not a man who can be fixed, that I’m a man who only knows destruction. I know I’ve got no right to ask a goddamn thing of you but please… please, find your way back if not for me, than for her. Do it for her. Don’t let me destroy another woman,” I pleaded with the slab of stone. “She’s young babe. She’s sweet as hell, not a bad bone in her body, a good girl with her whole life ahead of her,” I continued to plead Lacey’s case to my dead wife. “I need you back in my head. I need you in my dreams. I need you to remind me I can’t have her. I need to save her from me.”

I took a step closer and laid my left hand on top of the stone.

“I’ve got to head out but I’ll keep coming for you, babe. Week after week, bouquet after bouquet, until I’m gone.”

I wasn’t na?ve enough to say until we meet again because I’m sure wherever I wind up once I’m dead, Christine won’t be there to greet me. No, we had our time and as short as it was, when it was good it was real good but, when it was bad it was f*cking bad. She was at peace now, away from me, away from the bad shit. She was in a good place. Not somewhere I’d end up going.

I turned around, descended the hill and climbed into my truck. It didn’t start right away, in fact, it didn’t start up when I left Lacey either. Finally, it purred to life, the engine sounded a little louder than usual but whatever, I’d have Pipe have a look at it. Fucking cage. Give me my Harley and the road any day.

I hauled ass to the compound before Jack’s panties got any more in a twist than they already were. He was worse than a woman, calling me off the hook…so f*cking needy.

I turned into the compound, spotting Jack standing with Anthony Bianci and who I think is his mother-in-law and immediately rolled my eyes. Every time Bianci showed his face he delivered another blow. I couldn’t wait to find out what f*cking mess him or his retired gangster father-in-law got themselves into this time. Or maybe it had something to do with that motherf*cker that forced me to sample the heroin. I couldn’t wait to put that prick in the ground.

I parked my truck in its usual spot, happy to trade four wheels for two and climbed out, hitting the alarm as I started for the clubhouse. I kept my eyes trained on Jack as he brought his cellphone to his ear. I saw something flicker in his eyes as he turned to Bianci, confirming my suspicion that something was definitely up with the mob.

Bianci turned around, eyes frantically moving around the perimeter of the lot before setting them on me.

What the f*ck?

Then it happened.

A deafening sound erupted from behind me, I turned to see what the f*ck had just blown up and I was knocked flat on my back from the impact of the blast. I struggled to lift my head and spotted my truck hidden behind a cloud of black smoke and smothered in flames.

I sat there for a moment watching as my truck burned to ash before I got to my feet, turning around I stalked toward the clubhouse and the men that stood there, staring in shock. Riggs stepped forward, patting me on the back sympathetically as he shook his head.

“Well, f*ck, that blows,” he said. “Literally, like your car just blew the f*ck up.”

Fucking Riggs.

“Yeah, I caught that, thanks for pointing it out though,” I growled, turning my cold stare toward Jack. “Get him the f*ck away from me,” I hissed, brushing the soot off my shoulders.