Leaping Hearts(100)

He turned slowly toward her.

“Competing was everything to you and now you’re quitting. Why?”

“You can’t compete without the burn.”

“All your dreams—”

Pain made her lash out.

“What do you want? To hear how losing you has made me despise the sport I loved and everything I wanted to prove about myself through it? That I bitterly regret not telling you about this stupid arm? That I wish I could do the whole thing over again? Those things are all true, but I’m not inclined to run through the particulars, if you don’t mind. I miss you. I wish you were still in my life but I’m moving on. Because that’s all I can do.” She shook her head sadly. “Look, I think you should go.”

But Devlin didn’t leave. He stood there, looking deeply into her eyes, his expression melting into a mixture of tension and grief. Her heart began to pound as she watched the change.

And then he came around to her. When he held his hand out, she looked at it curiously, unable to grapple with the gesture. Then he reached down and took her in an embrace, his arms wrapping around her and reminding her of a haven she missed so much. To feel his broad shoulders against her cheek, to smell the tang of his aftershave, to sense the strength in his body, it all overwhelmed her. Holding herself stiffly, she prayed she wouldn’t break down and thought it was grossly unfair of him to get close. She tried to push him away.

“You’ve already ended things once,” A.J. said in a broken voice. “Don’t ask me to go through it again.”

He mumbled something and held her tighter.

“Let me go.”

“I can’t,” he said clearly.

A.J.’s heart stopped as she wondered if she’d heard him right. “What?”

“I can’t let go. I can’t let you go.”

Fear and happiness warred inside of her. She was desperate to believe him. Terrified of being hurt more.

“Oh, God, I’ve missed you,” Devlin said against her hair. “Trying to stay away has been unbearable. You’ve been in my dreams so I can’t sleep. Everywhere I look around my house, I see your shadow. I put my stables on the market because the only way I could go on not seeing you was to move away.” His laugh was strained. “Although I’m realizing now I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

She forcibly pulled back. “Devlin, what exactly are you saying? I—I’m not strong enough to read between the lines. It hurts too much.”

“When I read the newspaper this morning, I couldn’t believe it. I know how much competing means to you, and suddenly, you’re walking away? I was stunned. I thought I was coming over to change your mind but now I realize it was just a pretext.” He reached out and took her hands in his. “After I learned that you’d kept your injury a secret from me, I was pissed, especially because you’d been hurt because of it. It made me wonder what else you were keeping from me. I felt like I didn’t know what I could trust about you. Or us. For chrissakes, why didn’t you just tell me how much you were hurting?”

She tried to explain in a halting voice. “When I went back to training after I fell that first time, and I realized the arm hadn’t healed, I was afraid to tell you. I thought back to the fight we had over my going to the doctor. I was worried that you’d demand I pull out of the Qualifier.”

He shook his head with regret. “I’m sorry I lost it at you that afternoon. I reacted emotionally and that was a mistake. I just couldn’t bear to see you hurt.”

“Devlin, it was stupid of me not to tell you the truth. I felt awful the whole time. I’m so very sorry. And I never lied about anything else. You’ve got to believe me.”

She watched as his hand rose and then she felt the skin of his fingers stroke her cheek. “I do.”

There was a long silence and then he said, “I don’t want to be without you. I love you. I need you in my life.”

Tears welled in A.J.’s eyes and she wasn’t able to speak as they embraced. All she could do was hold on to him, and vow she would never let go. As they stood, chest to chest, hip to hip, she could feel the pound of his heart against her cheek, the warmth seeping from his body into hers, the sensation of his hands stroking her back and her hair. When the touch of his finger came under her chin, she lifted her lips for his kiss, a soft, gentle brush that was a declaration of love.

“Don’t sell him,” Devlin whispered.

She pulled back in surprise.

“Sabbath is your horse. No one else is going to be able to ride him like you can.”

“You’re saying I should go back in the ring?”

“It’s what you love to do. What you were born to do.”

“But how can you—”

Devlin kissed her, drowning out the words. This time his mouth was passionate as it moved over hers, his tongue coming inside and stroking hers with a demand she met feverishly.

When their lips parted, he said, “I want all of you. And that means the stallion and the eventing, too. I’m not saying we won’t clash again but I know we can find a way to work anything out. Our love will be strong enough. This I know.”

A.J. closed her eyes against the emotions that rushed over her. She felt gratitude, relief, happiness. When she looked up at him again, she brought his hand to her lips, kissing it before speaking.