Keeper(51)

I yelped and tried to pull my hand free when I came face-to-face with a familiar pair of blue eyes.

“Ty?” I stared at him as he dropped my arm. His mouth was set in an angry line, and his shoulders were tense. “What the hell are you doing?”

He cocked one eyebrow and glared at me. “What are you doing, Lainey? Standing in front of a train? How could you do something so stupid?” he spat, his eyes flashing.

The adrenaline pumping through my system kicked up a notch as I processed his words. “It wasn’t stupid.” My cheeks flared, and heat seared through me.

Ty threw his arm out, gesturing to the freighter that was still making its way across the crossroads. “Right, because standing in front of a moving train isn’t some sort of death wish.”

“It’s not!”

“Yeah, okay.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need you or anyone else telling me what I can and can’t do.”

“I wasn’t trying to—”

“You just don’t understand, okay?” I ran a hand through my tangled hair, trying to find the right words. But with the adrenaline rush slowly ebbing, I wasn’t exactly feeling confident about the motive behind my little daredevil stunt.

I looked around; Josephine was nowhere to be seen. The rational part of my brain was resetting itself, and I stared at the train, only now understanding the danger I’d put myself in. What was I thinking?

“Just tell me,” Ty said, with a sigh. “What were you thinking?” It was as if he had plucked the words right out of my head. I stared at him blankly for a moment. I tried to come up with an explanation.

“I don’t know,” I finally answered, my voice soft. “I don’t know.”

Ty’s face softened. He sighed heavily and took a step toward me. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

As the train continued to roar down the tracks and the shouts of strangers from the other side mixed together in a strange cacophony of sound around me, all I could think about was just how close I’d come to death. Bile began to rise in my throat, and my chest began to tighten.

“It’s not okay. I could’ve died tonight.” My voice cracked on the last word. Ty took another step closer.

“No, don’t,” I warned him, holding up my hand. My emotions were spiraling to the point of physical pain, but I forced myself to feel them.

“I just wanted to feel the control,” I pleaded with him, needing him to understand. “I watched the others, and they seemed so confident, so in control. I wanted to feel that. I wanted to remember what it felt like to have my life in my own hands again, without all the lies and the secrets.” I thought of Josephine. “Without all the ghosts.”

“Is that what you think is happening?” Ty asked gently. “You’re losing control?”

“Well, aren’t I? The variables keep changing. Every time I come close to a conclusion, an answer, I have to adjust to a whole new set of parameters.” The words were pouring out of me. “How can I analyze the data and figure this out when there’s no constant?” My shoulders sagged. “I’ve always seen my life one way, and now it feels like a lie.”

“That doesn’t mean your life isn’t your own.”

“How can you possibly know that?” I whispered. “We’ve known each other for, what? Like, two minutes? And every time you’re around me, I’m falling apart because something crazy happened.” I snorted. “I just stood in front of a moving train. Sounds like a lost girl to me.”

Ty hesitated, thinking. “I don’t know if I’d call it ‘lost.’”

“Oh, yeah? What would you call it, then? Stupid? Reckless?”

“Oh, it was definitely stupid.” Ty gave a crooked smile and crossed the distance between us, taking hold of one of my hands. “And reckless. But I also think it was kinda human.”

“What do you mean?”

Ty shrugged. “You’ve had a lot thrown at you. Anyone in your shoes would be freaking out.”

I gave a tiny smile. It wasn’t at all the answer I’d been expecting from him. I cleared my throat. “You really think so?”

“Yeah, I do.” He chuckled softly. “Did you know I think you’re the only girl I’ve met that talks in scientific metaphors when she’s upset?”

I laughed. “Well, I guess I’m not like most girls.”

“No,” Ty said, “you’re definitely not.”

The smell of his cologne—warm with a hint of spice—hit my nostrils. We were standing closer than I thought. My heart began to beat faster.

“So . . . um . . .” I said, shifting from one foot to the other. “How did you even know I was here?”

“Maggie texted,” Ty replied. “She’s worried about you.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Maggie texted you and told you where I was?”

“Yeah, she told me what happened with your unc—er, with Gareth, and she said something about the Punisher, but I didn’t follow.”

I raked my brain trying to remember all the useless facts Maggie was always pouring into my brain. “Oh, that’s the marine guy who became a vigilante in hopes of seeking revenge for his family’s death!”