Just Let Me Love You (Judge Me Not #3)(46)

“It is, though.” Abby wipes at a single tear. “I lost him a long time ago. And I have no one to blame but myself.”

I close my eyes. What can I say?

“Come on,” Will says.

I open my eyes and nod.

And then we go to Chase.





Chase



My dreams are weird, with a past, a present, and a maybe-future. I mean, what else would this mean—me, Kay, and a little boy, riding in a car? There may be a little girl there, too, but I’m not sure.

Back to the little boy…maybe he is supposed to be Will in my dream. But why would Will still be a little kid, while I’m my current age?

Two more things: if the little boy is my kid brother then why are his eyes blue—like mine. Not green, like Will’s. And why is his hair dark—like Kay’s—not blond, not light-brown?

I don’t have any answers, so I return to dreaming, only this time I dream of Kay. Shit, my dream is so vivid I swear I smell my girl—sweet, clean, pure. Kay tells me she’s not so pure, but she is. She’s the bright light to my dark soul. If she wasn’t in my life, where would I be? I was slipping and falling before I met her. Only a month out of prison and set on reforming—that was me. But I was still so drawn to sin.

With Kay, for the first time in my life, I think I may make it. Sweet girl gives me purpose, and she gives me the strength to work through the things that have been holding me back.

“Chase.” I hear her voice, almost as if she is right here at the hospital. Crazy.

“Kay,” I reply, eyes closed tightly. “I wish you were really here.”

A soft hand caresses my arm. “I am really here, Chase,” she says.

“Why?”

“You were in an accident, baby.” Oh, that’s right. “Will called, and I flew out last night.”

I open my eyes.

This is not a dream. Thank f*ck.

Kay is here, next to my bed.

In my bed would be better, I think. And then I say exactly that.

Will, behind Kay, mutters, “Dude, even in the hospital.” He shakes his head. “You are so oversexed.”

I roll my eyes and think of about a hundred smartass comebacks. But now is not the time.

“Hey, I’ll catch you in a few,” Will continues as he heads to the door. “You two need some time alone.”

“You don’t have to go,” I say at the same time as Kay.

We look at each other and smile.

“No,” Will says, grinning. “I think you both could use some quiet time. Just keep it PG-13. Mom or the nurse could walk in at any time. Oh, and by the way, Chase, Mom knows you and Kay are married.”

“Is that true?” My gaze goes to Kay.

“Yes,” she replies.

“Did you—”

Will cuts me off, “No, I told Mom. She was giving Kay a hard time about coming back to your room.”

Kay shrugs. “It’s no big deal, Chase.”

Will clears his throat, and asks, “Are you mad at me, bro? That I told Mom your secret.”

“No,” I reply.

And I’m not angry, not at all. Kay and I weren’t planning on keeping our marriage a secret forever. Probably best if the news trickles out slowly like this.

“All right, I’m out of here,” Will says on a loud exhale. “You kids behave now, okay?”

Kay and I laugh and agree to “behave.”

When my brother is out the door, I turn to my wife. “Will, the voice of reason,” I say, chuckling. “I really must have hit my head, like, hard.”

“Speaking of which…” Kay frowns and scoots her chair closer to the bed. She touches the bandage covering the stitches on the side of my head. “How are you feeling?”

“Eh,” I murmur, “so-so. Better, I have to say, now that you’re here.”

Kay shakes her head, and she looks so damn stricken. “God, you gave me such a scare, Chase Gartner.”

I reach for her hand. “Do you really think I’d leave you a widow this early in the game? We’re only just getting started, remember?”

“God, Chase.” She closes her eyes and winces. “Don’t even say words like widow. A life without you wouldn’t be worth living.”

“Hey…” I squeeze her hand. “Open your eyes and look at me.”

When Kay’s soft caramels find my eyes, I continue. “Don’t say that. If something were to happen to me, I’d want you to go on.”

In a voice choked on emotion, she whispers, “I really don’t think I could.”

“You’d have to, Kay,” I insist.

She shakes her head. “No. I swear I wouldn’t want to.”

“Hey, hey.” I try a different way of convincing her. “What if it wasn’t just you? What if there was a child to live for?”

We’ve had this talk before, but nothing has ever been one hundred-percent decided. Having this brush with mortality, though, has made me more determined than ever to create a child with the woman I love.

I just hope she’s on the same page.

“Have you thought about it?” I tentatively ask.

She knows what I mean, and she replies, “Of course I’ve thought about it.”