Junkyard Dog(18)

“Love is a hell of a lot of effort even without a curse.”

“Love’s overrated, for sure. I don’t mind being without a man. I always wanted kids, but romance and even lots of friends never mattered to me.”

“You’re smart not to give anyone power over you except your kids have power.”

“I love them enough to let them ruin me. I won’t love anyone else that much.”

Hayes sits quietly for a long time. The appetizers arrive. I eat one potato skin and set the rest aside for leftovers. I’m accustomed to Hayes falling silent and entertain myself on the phone until he’s ready to talk.

“I could speak with Andrew Mayer,” he offers. “Make him keep his hands to himself.”

Smiling at his offer to help Honey, I find his mood today to be nearly irresistible. All of our talk about love being crap is less convincing when we connect this way.

“You could help her, and I’m not going to tell you not to, but I think it’s better if you didn’t.”

Hayes loses the warmth in his expression and just looks pissed. “What in the f*ck is your reasoning there?”

“Honey is thinking about leaving Douche. My moving here gives her an out, and she’s inching toward it. If Douche stops being rough, she might convince herself that he’s not so bad. She’ll think he isn’t abusing her if he doesn’t smack her. He is, though. Douche wears her down with his comments and rules. Whenever he feels threatened about her leaving, he wants another baby.”

“I can make him f*cking leave her. No inching toward freedom. He’ll just be f*cking gone.”

“Then she’ll end up with another Douche. Are you planning to save her forever?”

“Pretty cold thinking,” he says, shaking his head.

“Honey needs to break free on her own. Peat never truly left the first bitch, so he ended up with someone just like her. The only way to be truly free of the wrong way of thinking is to face it and make the choice to walk away.”

Hayes looks unconvinced, and I admire his desire to save a chick in need.

“Honey is like my mom,” I say, wanting him to understand. “She feels empty in a way nothing fills. Mom let life beat her down, and love was the weapon. Every man broke her heart and killed her a bit more. She used to ask if she was wearing a 'kick me' sign and I’d always think yes. She wore it on her face. My mom was so obviously desperate for love and attention that people knew they could do almost nothing and gain everything from her. Honey will end up that way too if you or I solve her problems.”

Hayes sips his shot of whiskey and thinks about what I said.

“Fine, I’ll hold off for now, but Honey is my assistant’s sister. If she’s getting her ass beat and I don’t step in, that makes me look bad. Life’s not all about you and your curse crap, Candy.”

I smile and pat his hand. “Naw, you’re just a cuddle bear.”

Hayes rolls his eyes. “I checked up on Toby Eddison when I hired you.”

“Of course, you did.”

“He got married and had a kid. You think that one was a trick baby too?”

“No. His wife, Alice, isn’t someone who’ll trick anyone. She wanted him, and she got him. She’s the classic, determined gold digger. Of course, she probably didn’t expect her meal ticket to get indicted on fraud charges.”

“Do you ever worry her kid will get all the family’s cash and leave your kids out in the f*cking cold?”

Hayes knows how to nail me straight at my biggest worries. “When I was pregnant, Toby’s parents didn’t talk to me. They wanted to wait until there was proof the babies were his. If you want to understand the Eddison family in a nutshell, they did a paternity test on both babies. You know, in case I was a hussy sleeping with several guys and only one baby was Toby’s. They don’t mess around with the family money.”

I steal one of his fries and get a dirty look for my efforts. “Anyway, after the twins were born, Toby’s parents wanted to put me somewhere nice. Apparently my apartment wasn’t good enough for their grandkids. They offered me an apartment near their home, or I could setup shop in their guest house. I suspected they wanted me close so they could keep an eye on me. The apartment sounded like a better deal, but I chose the guest home. I wanted them to bond with their grandkids, so Toby couldn’t convince them to ditch Chipper and Cricket down the road when he had a family. Years later, my worries came true, and they got a legitimate grandchild. By then, Grandpa and Grandma Eddison were in love with the twins. They still Skype with them every night before bed. It’s pretty cute how much those uppity bastards love the kids.”

Hayes watches me in a strange way, and I realize I can’t read him nearly as well as I thought. I have no clue what he’s thinking.

“What?” I ask when he says nothing.

“You’re an odd broad.”

“Said the weird guy.”

The corner of Hayes’s mouth curves into nearly a smile. While we finish lunch, he often looks ready to speak but chooses to remain silent instead. I don’t know what he’s thinking, and that scares me. I never worried before about offending Hayes. Now I’m anxious about his silence.

“So you haven’t f*cked anyone since coming to White Horse?” he asks suddenly while I enjoy my dessert.