Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating(63)
It’s not your place to say anything.
It’s not your place to say anything.
I repeat the mantra my entire drive to Bailey’s.
Dave might not know yet that his wife is pregnant. And if he does, and he doesn’t mention it, then it’s certainly not my place to bring it up.
Oh my God, my sister is pregnant. She’s going to be a mom—I’m going to be someone’s uncle. I’m almost breathless with how happy it makes me. But there’s also something else: a sinking lead ball in my gut. I loathe admitting it, but it’s jealousy.
Emily was the first to get married. As the older brother, I took it in stride, reminding myself that we aren’t bound to tradition in the same way. My entire family welcomed Dave; the wedding was a blast.
But now she’s pregnant, and I’m … what? In love with a woman who doesn’t know what she wants? Who thinks she’s not right for me? I’m not even settled, let alone on my way to starting a family. And my parents aren’t getting any younger. I’m flexible about a number of traditions, but I’m unwilling to shrug off the responsibility that parents move in with the eldest son when they’re older. Umma wouldn’t say anything, but I know it wouldn’t be her choice to have me still a bachelor when that happens.
I park outside and lean forward, pressing my forehead to the steering wheel. I’d wanted to meet Dave for a beer to unwind and hang. Now it’s loaded with this—and we can’t even talk about it.
He’s already inside and at the bar with a beer in front of him, looking up at the television mounted on the wall. SportsCenter is recapping the biggest Oregon football rivalry from Saturday—the U of O Ducks versus the OSU Beavers, and I know without having to look that the Ducks won handily.
“Hey.” Dave puts his beer down and claps me on the shoulder when I sit.
“You got here fast.”
“The traffic gods were on my side,” he says, “and I was intensely motivated by the prospect of beer.”
“Bad day?”
“Teachers are out today so I was meeting with a parent.” He takes a drink. “It’s the job, and I seriously love hanging with the kids all day. It’s the rest I could do without. I think your sister went shopping or something.”
I nod, and try not to do that thing Em accuses me of where I smile when I’m hiding something. It doesn’t help that I feel oddly jittery. Not only am I stressing over the whole being-in-love-with-Hazel situation, I’m still shocked by the sight of all those pregnancy tests. Isn’t one sufficient? There had to be at least five in there.
I still can’t believe it. I take a second to imagine it all: Emily pregnant, the baby, and who it might resemble. Umma and Appa happily losing their minds as grandparents.
“You seem pensive,” Dave says.
I nod, and take a few wasabi peanuts from a bowl between us. “Just digesting the food I ate at your place.”
He laughs. “Is work okay?”
I thank the bartender when she deposits my beer in front of me. “Yeah, actually, work is great.” And it is. We’re talking about hiring another physical therapist to handle the workload. It would bring in more revenue and allow me to take a bit more time off from the practice. I love my job, but I frequently work ten-or eleven-hour days just to make sure I see everyone, and if Hazel and I …
I stop the thought before I can take it too far.
“I’m actually wondering whether I need to get a bigger place soon. I was home earlier, and Umma just looks so tiny.”
“She does seem to be shrinking.” Dave grins when he says this. “But,” he says, and then frowns a little, “and I know this bucks tradition, so please ignore me if this comes off as insulting, but you know Em and I would be happy to have them come live with us.”
The idea of it makes my heart drop. “Oh, that’s okay.”
“I mean,” he continues, “we probably aren’t even going to have kids, and we have all that space. It seems sort of a waste.”
I lift my beer, drinking about half of it in a few long swallows.
So Dave doesn’t know that Em is pregnant. And he’s not expecting a baby, maybe ever. A protective fire rises in my chest. Is that where Emily is? He thinks she’s shopping, but is she really off somewhere freaking out?
I realize I’ve been silent for an impolite amount of time. “I know what you mean, and I honestly do appreciate that offer, but it’s something I’ve been looking forward to.” I try to explain this to Dave without sounding ungrateful or dropping the baby bomb. “It’s an honor for me to take them.”
He nods and opens his mouth to speak, but I need to change the subject quickly. “I think I need to do something about Hazel.”
Beside me, Dave goes still. “Like what?”
I take a deep breath. “I’m in love with her. I don’t think she’s going to see Tyler anymore, so I wonder whether I should tell her.”
Dave slowly lifts his beer to his lips, drinks, and swallows. “I mean, yeah, maybe you should talk to her.”
This response isn’t immediately encouraging. How much does Dave know about this? Why isn’t he more shocked? Does he know more about Hazel’s feelings than I do? Does Hazel talk to Emily, who then talks to Dave about it?
“Unless you think she’s just undecided,” I say, probing for a reaction I can then dissect until I am insane. “I mean, we’ve had the opportunity to be together, and the last time I tried to approach it, she still seemed conflicted about the whole Tyler thing.”