Je Suis a Toi (Monsters in the Dark #3.5)(8)

The thought of never having the exquisite highs of a hard fought release or the delicious sensation of his teeth breaking my skin as we shed our cloaks of humanity and f*cked like animals hurt me more than I could say.

I loved Q. I would take whatever he gave me. But if he took away the very connection that brought us together…what would that mean for us?

I—I couldn’t look at him.

Turning, I stormed away, heading toward the barn and the wonky sanctuary it offered. Bolting past the ancient door hanging sadly on time-tarnished hinges, I managed to make it to the centre of the musty building before Q caught me and spun me around.

“Never say such blasphemy again, esclave.” His face swam with shadows and sin. “And never run from me in the middle of an argument.”

“Discussion. That wasn’t an argument.” I squirmed against his biting fingers. “And why can’t I run? You don’t like being ignored when you want answers? Is that it? Because I can tell you it sucks when the one you love keeps such—”

“Tais-toi.” Shut up. His lips slammed against mine. Metallic copper instantly tainted our kiss as our teeth clashed and everything else faded away.

Ripping his mouth away, he grunted, “Don’t run from me. Because it makes me want to f*cking chase you and hurt you and teach you a goddamn lesson for ever thinking you had the power to leave me.”

My thoughts vanished.

My body took over.

Q had this power. He reverted me from intelligent woman to begging pet. I knew what was coming. I knew because I knew him.

And I wanted it.

So, so much.

I wanted it more than candlelit dinners and fancy getaways. I wanted it more than diamonds and feather beds.

I wanted it more than life.

I was an addict to his sweetly delivered agony. And he was the drug I kept returning to time and time again.

“Don’t. You. Dare. Move.” Q shook me in warning and stalked off toward a bench full of dirty farm supplies.

Breathing hard, I glanced around the space.

Any moment, the owner could appear. He could catch us. But that only added to the thrill.

The tethered hay bales and discarded animal halters gathered grime in the corners while sinister meat hooks dangled from the ceiling on chunky chains.

My heart raced as Q came up behind me, dragging a meat hook along the bar in the rafters with the aid of a pole. “Arms up.”

I obeyed.

Not because he wanted me to. But because I wanted to.

My breathing quickened as he bound my wrists with something coarse and thick, yanking my arms upward and fastening them on the hook above my head.

My weight didn’t transfer to my wrists, but my knees turned to jelly.

I never knew how far he’d go. When he lost himself to the dangerous haze, he forgot about things like clothes and consequences. He would sooner slice off my outfit to get me naked than worry about what to dress me in after he’d had his fill.

However, he didn’t find a knife and start hacking. He merely strolled around me with a sharp smile on his lips and threatening promises in his gaze.

“You think I’m keeping something from you, Tess?”

What? He wanted to talk? Now? I wasn’t prepared for that torment. My body was liquid. My heart a blazing inferno. All I wanted was physical demands and sky-cresting, pain-inducing pleasure.

I blinked. “Yes?”

My confirmation was a question.

He chuckled dark and low. “Suddenly, you’re not so sure?” Moving behind me again, he scooped up my hair, braiding it loosely so it wouldn’t get in his way.

Way of what?

What is he going to do?

I wished I could predict him. But after three years of marriage and months of submitting to his every command, I still had no idea what he’d make me do. Sex with Q was never boring. It made my mind work trying to guess what implement he’d use next.

I wasn’t disappointed.

Removing my scarf from around my neck, he remained behind me, bunching up my grey dress and tying the teal scarf around my waist so the material didn’t fall back down.

Winter chill licked around my legs.

I wore a garter belt and G-string, holding up black satin tights.

The tops of my thighs were exposed and the low heels I wore suddenly weren’t sexy enough for the saucy lingerie I revealed.

Q came to my front, biting his knuckles as a fireball of lust painted his face. “Fuck, I’ll never get over how much I need you. How much your body calls to mine. How much your mind challenges me. How much your fight begs me to snuff it out.” His eyes darkened from green to demanding grey. “Even now that doesn’t scare you, does it, sweet Tess? Knowing that the entire time I’m f*cking you—the entire time I’m cock deep in your *, and my hand is around your throat, and my teeth are in your flesh—I’m battling the urge to strangle you and make you bleed.”

I couldn’t breathe.

I was nothing but memories and wetness, coming unhinged by his dirty, damning words. I didn’t comprehend him in English. I heard him in my soul.

Wrapping his hand around my neck, he squeezed. “And the only thing that stops me from going that final distance—that awful, sinful distance—is how much I f*cking love you. How much I worship the ground you walk on. How much I would die knowing that if I ever hurt you, I wouldn’t be able to live another day. Je me tuerais si jamais j’allais trop loin.” I would kill myself for ever going too far.