Jackson Stiles, Road to Redemption (Road to Redemption #1)(82)
“You all right there, Green? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Her eyes are closed. She licks her lips and shakes her head.
“So good.”
We both use the wall as a crutch and slide down to sit on the floor next to each other. I let my head fall back until I can breathe normally again.
Green leans into me, and I put an arm around her. Her fingers trace up and down my midsection, and she twists her head around to take a better look at the ink just above.
When she nuzzles back into me, I feel the rise and fall of her breathing. Contentedness oozes out of the two of us, and I’m not complaining one single f*cking bit.
“You know, there are theories out there.” I assume she’s referring to the corruption that’s been invading Redemption since the dawn of time.
“Yeah?” I close my eyes and enjoy the bliss between us. “Do tell, Green.”
“Some people believe the Joker is the hero.”
My heart stops, momentarily, when she says it. I’ve never really discussed Mikey with her in depth. There’s no reason for her to go there, but Green’s a smart cookie. She knows how to put two and two together. Or rather the drawing on my wall and the tattoo on my chest.
“He was such a good kid.” The words fall out of me before I can stop them. The pain in my gut regrets it, but honestly, it’s easy giving Green a piece of me like this.
“What happened?”
She’s not interrogating me like my parents did that night. She isn’t demanding I flush my feelings for the sake of a certificate like Lana does. She genuinely gives a shit.
“I know this is gonna be hard to believe, Green, but I haven’t always had the healthy, healing relationship with my dad like I do today.”
She lets out a silent giggle and vibrates against me.
It helps. A little. But I can still hear my dad’s voice the night I told him I was quitting the academy. It’s angry and cold.
“You’re going back in there tomorrow, and you’re apologizing to Walker. Then you’re gonna suck it up and finish the academy.”
Dad didn’t give a shit what any of us wanted. He’d put up with me because I was giving it a go, because of Nick. But I refused to take his bullshit any more. Even if it meant being on the receiving end of his wrath for the rest of my life.
“Stiles?” Green looks up at me, worried.
I shake it off.
“Long story short, I was a dick to the one person in my family who didn’t deserve it, and he died because of it.”
I remember everything about that night like it happened yesterday.
“I’m not in the mood, Mikey.”
“I’m not letting you wander around by yourself so mad.”
I walked probably two miles that night. It was f*cking cold as shit out, too. Mikey shivered like crazy because he’d forgotten his jacket like an idiot. We ended up at the high school, of all places. There was a game going on that night. It was coming to an end.
When I finally stopped walking, I just assumed Mikey had given up and gone home. Until I felt his hand on my shoulder. For some reason, it threw me into a rage. I’d had enough of everything. So I took all my frustrations with Dad, the academy, and life out on him.
“Just talk to me, Jackie.”
“Go home, Mikey.”
“But—”
“Go. The f*ck. Home!”
I pushed him square in the chest and told him to go back and kiss Dad’s ass. He was good at that.
I swallow down the sickness I get in the pit of my stomach every time I think about the look gave me. The one of disappointment you can only get when someone you look up to makes you feel shitty.
When he turned to leave, I was relieved I wouldn’t have to put up with his age of innocence BS any more. My life changed the moment I heard the tires screeching. Then peoples horrified screams. The impact.
My eyesight gets blurry as the details come to life inside my mind.
My chest tightens. Green’s sniffles pull me out of the memory. I squeeze my eyes shut to make the sting go away.
“You were just kids, Jackson. Kids fight. It’s what they do.”
She’s good at pointing out the obvious, but this one’s on me.
Mikey died as a direct result of me.
“Yeah, well…” My eyes still burn. I push my thumbs into the corners of them to make it stop. “A lot of f*cking good that does me now, huh?”
She pulls my hands away from my face. She puts her hands on either side of my jaw, then she kisses me. It’s soft and long. Somehow, it’s enough, for now anyway, to make things not quite so f*cked up.
So, of course, I let the moment last as long as it wants.
X X X
Somewhere in between the Jackson Stiles caring and sharing show, and round three back in the bedroom, Green passes out. In my bed. But more than that—in my arms.
There was a time, not too long ago, when that shit wouldn’t have happened. Tonight, all that crosses my mind is she belongs here.
I belong here.
With her.
It doesn’t make a lick of f*cking sense, but there it is.
Go figure.
I lie awake for a while, thinking about shit.
Donnie, Stix. And as much as I hate to admit it, Walker.
I wonder what he’s up to, wanting me to come back to the force. Maybe it’s my tired ass brain, but I can’t help but wonder if he wants to keep an eye on me for some reason.