Jacked (Trent Brothers #1)(177)

A sob choked off the last of my air.

My love.

My heart.

I cradled her limp body in my arms.

“Erin! Baby, please. Oh, God. Please. Please don’t leave me. No, baby. Wake up. Please, baby. Wake up.”

I’d done this.

I’d caused this.

This was all my fault.

“Sweetheart. Please—”

I’d give my life for hers in a heartbeat.

I moved the hair stuck to her cheek, lost in the agony.

She was so still; so pale.

I knew I’d never see her beautiful smile again.

The realization was too much.

Without her, I was dead inside.

Dead.

Right then and there my heart shattered into a million pieces.





EVERY TIME I tried to surface, the nothing pulled me back under. It was black and heavy and settled deep within my bones. I tried to swim to the top a few times, to break the surrounding darkness enveloping me, but whenever my fingertips breached the edge, the nothing swallowed me back down.

My first thoughts were murky, as though I’d just woken up from my worst night of drinking, making even the simplest realizations difficult to wade through.

Something was stuck to my nose.

The air was cool.

I couldn’t feel my body.

The nothing pulled me back into the dark.

“Adam, can you wake up for me?”

Hmm?

My head felt as though it weighed eighty pounds. I wanted to sit up, but sleep was so much better.

A steady beep, beep, beep echoed about.

So sleepy.

Paper crumbled. Women spoke.

Something loud scraped across the floor.

A male voice spoke to a female voice.

They were talking about me. I wanted them to shut up and let me sleep.

Something kept brushing over my scalp.

“Honey, can you hear me? Open your eyes.”

It was hard to focus.

The light hurt my eyes.

Bright.

“Hi, Son.”

Mom?

My mother smiled at me. “Doctor said everything went well.”

“I just…” The ceiling was too bright.

Where am I? What?

She kept petting my head. “You just want what?”

I wanted to go back to the nothing. I didn’t hurt in the nothing. “…just wanna sleep.”

My father’s face invaded my view. His hair was whiter than I’d remembered. Things were different in this dream. “You’re old.”

His eyes crinkled. “You boys made me this way.”

I tried to move but the pain stopped me. “Ow. What? What happened?”

My mom rested her hand on my arm. “Try to keep still. Doctors had to put a pin in your leg, but they said that everything went well and you’ll be good as new in no time.”

Something was wrong with her smile. Pins in my what? A warm, throbbing burn began to pulse in my leg. I hated feeling this doped.

The light was still too bright.

I’d been shot.

I remembered now.

Memories brought pain.

Erin.

Realizations started slamming into each other, followed by the crushing weight of dread.

So much blood.

I needed to get up, but I had zero muscle control.

“Where’s Erin?”

My mother’s indulging smile all but vanished.

“Where is she?”

“Calm down, sweetheart. You need to relax.”

“Mom, don’t f*ckin’… Where is she?”

My dad gave me a stern look. “Hey. There’s no need to curse at your mother.”

I knew better, I did, but I just didn’t give a shit. There was no way to control the avalanche of panic.

“Mom, please… Tell me where she is. Please, Mom.”

“I don’t know, Adam.” She glanced over at my dad—the two of them communicating in some secret silence.

I knew the answer, but I didn’t want to face it.

Her face gave her away.

No.

NOOOOOO!

I remembered now. The gun. The shot. The blood.

I’d caused this.

The pain in my leg paled in comparison to the devastating burn crushing my chest.

It was all my fault.

Erin’s pulse had been so weak when the ambulance finally arrived—everyone in the room knew we’d failed her. I wanted them to quit tending to me. They needed to fix her before it was too late.

My mother’s lips were drawn together.

That only meant one thing.

They’d been too late.

I’d been too late.

My vision swam in streaks of fractured light.

She stood over me. “Oh sweetheart. Shh. Don’t cry.”

I can’t live without her. I don’t want to.

I couldn’t stop myself. The sobs were too powerful. The pain in my heart was too much.

My Erin was gone.

Oh, sweetheart… no. I’m so sorry, baby.

I’m so sorry.

Why couldn’t it have been me instead? Why, God? Why?

Everyone leave.

Just get out.

Oh, God.

Please just let me die.

“How’s it going in here?” a woman asked.

My mom tugged the sheet covering me and started wiping my face. I tried to push her hand away but I had no coordination or strength.