Into the Light (The Light #1)(45)
I swallowed the sobs that shook my shoulders as I envisioned each welt.
“As you may or may not remember, five is the standard number of strikes per infraction. How many infractions did you commit?”
My heart raced to the point of making me faint. I couldn’t take ten more. I couldn’t. Turning my body toward his, I lifted my face and pleaded. Panic spilled from my voice. “Three. Please don’t . . . I . . . can’t . . .”
He softly brushed my cheek. “Stop. I said your honesty earned you leniency. Five is all you’ll get today.”
I nodded as the relief of his clemency washed over me.
“Sara, I wanted you to touch the welts because they’re your reminders not to question. Tonight when you walk or sit, each time you feel the pain, consider it a cue to think before you speak. Can you do that?”
“Yes.”
He pulled a tissue from the box and wiped my cheeks. “It’s up to you if more reminders will be necessary. I can’t allow you to embarrass me in front of Father Gabriel or anyone else. Even your behavior in front of Elizabeth was unacceptable. I’ll need to discuss it with Brother Luke. As I’ve said before, it’s up to you. Only you can decide if today’s correction will help you behave appropriately or if you’ll need more assistance. Sara, will you need more reminders?”
I ran my fingers over the fiery raised skin again, suddenly intrigued by the sensations. “No, Jacob. I’m sorry I embarrassed you.” I fought to catch my breath. “I’d like to avoid future reminders.”
His lips brushed my forehead. “Very good. So would I.”
The eerie calmness that had infiltrated his voice since he’d come back to my room this afternoon faded. As emotion returned to his tone, I found myself drawn to the man who had praised my answer.
“Now,” Jacob continued, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. “That’s done. Let’s get us both ready for service.”
“I . . . you . . . please, let me stay here.”
“Nonsense. No one, not even the wife of an Assemblyman, can refuse a direct invitation from Father Gabriel; besides, I’m happy to have you at my side again as we enter the temple.”
“But . . .”
“Sara, this is over. Remember what I said before? Correction works well, because the responsibility is transferred from you to me. You have your reminders to help you avoid future correction, but this infraction, as well as punishment, is done. It’s history and now it’s time to move on. We need to eat and change. We have service in an hour and a half, and as part of the Assembly, we must arrive in a timely manner.”
As I contemplated the service with so many people I couldn’t remember, the panic returned. Though I had five painful reasons reinforcing why I shouldn’t, I leaned into Jacob’s chest. The softness of his shirt brushed my cheek as his heartbeat drummed at my ear. Slowly his arms surrounded me, bringing warmth and security. I wrapped my arms around his trim waist, and for the first time that I could remember, really felt the firmness of his torso. My tears finally stopped, but I couldn’t speak. Instead my naked body molded to his, silently saying what my lips couldn’t admit.
I wasn’t sure how to describe my whirlwind of emotions. I wasn’t sure I could have if I’d been asked. The entire time I was bent over the vanity and the numbers came from my lips, I’d hated the man delivering the pain. It was an all-consuming hate, one that filled every cell of my body. In those minutes I’d understood why I’d blocked out the memories of my life: it was because they were too awful to remember. Red like the color Jacob described, as well as the blood that trickled from my lip, had filled my unseeing eyes. Hatred such as I couldn’t recall had scratched like a wildcat to break free, to scream vulgarities and proclaim its presence.
And then it was over and now his voice was back.
CHAPTER 15
Jacob
Though my training told me to walk away and let Sara deal with the consequences of her correction alone, my body refused to cooperate. I tried to resist, but when she melted into me, with her body trembling, my arms took on a mind of their own. As I embraced her petite form, she stole another piece of my heart, a piece that was never meant to be shared. I’d carried her and helped her, but never had I truly held her, not like this. When she was engulfed in my hold, our size difference became suddenly apparent. I was wearing boots and she was completely nude, and I towered over her by nearly a head. With her face pressed against my chest my resolve shattered as my internal battle raged.
Sara had been found guilty of forgetting a rule she’d never known, and as her husband, I was responsible for delivering the punishment. I understood the principle of the correction, but this wasn’t theory: it was reality.
I had held the leather belt in my hand and sensed the vibration as it crashed down upon her fragile body. Each strike had marred not only her but also me. As she’d spoken the numbers I demanded, I’d reminded myself that this was for her success and survival; nevertheless that reasoning hadn’t appeased my self-loathing. She should hate me, not only for this, but for everything, yet here she was clinging to my shirt and waist as if she were holding on for dear life, afraid that if she let go, she might fly away, like dust in the wind. That wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t let it. I couldn’t.