Into the Light (The Light #1)(110)

“Brother Jacob, tell me she went with you.”

“What are you talking about?”

Her voice changed to a low whisper. “Sara. Benjamin said you asked the Commission about her going with you on some of your flights. Please tell me that you did it, you took her without permission, and she’s with you.”

I had asked the Commission, but I sure as hell wouldn’t bring her on one of these trips. The last thing I wanted was to have my wife around Michael’s goons. I took a deep breath. “Raquel, I left her in our apartment. She was in the kitchen cleaning up after breakfast.” I tried to hide the trepidation. “She couldn’t have come. I didn’t have the Commission’s permission, and besides, she was scheduled to work in the lab today.”

“I know. Benjamin was the one who contacted me and asked if I knew why she didn’t show up at the lab.”

No longer content to sit, I paced the confines of the ratty hotel room. “That doesn’t make sense.” I searched for answers. “Was she ill? Have you checked in on her?”

“I went to your apartment. When she didn’t answer, I used my key. She wasn’t there.”

“And you’re sure this doesn’t have anything to do with Brother Timothy or Sister Lilith? God help me!” I wasn’t even trying to hide my distress any longer.

“I really don’t think it does. At least nothing approved by the Commission.”

“Why?”

“Because Benjamin said it wasn’t mentioned during Assembly. He didn’t know until he got to the lab. Then when I couldn’t find her, he took me out to the pole barn.” She muffled a cry. “I prayed, but sh-she wasn’t there. Oh, Brother, I’m so scared.”

My left hand held a fist of hair as I tried to think. “Talk to me, Raquel. Tell me what you’re thinking. Because right now, all I can think is I need to get in the damn plane and confront Timothy and Lilith, the Commission, hell, even Father Gabriel. If Timothy came up with another reason to have her banished, a reason to get at me . . .”

“Brother Jacob, what if they didn’t do it? What if it had nothing to do with Brother Timothy?”

Her words reverberated in my head. “What do you mean?”

Raquel took a deep breath. “I should have said something. I just knew she wanted—”

“Tell me!” My desperation sounded foreign, even to my own ears.

“I know Benjamin will punish me when he learns I didn’t say anything.” She swallowed, suddenly sounding more composed. “And he’d be right too. I should have told him, but . . . Sara’s my friend. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to get her in trouble with you or the Commission and because I understand her desire for children.”

I couldn’t make sense of her words. “What are you saying?” My voice echoed against the dingy white walls.

“A little over a week ago, she and I were talking. She told me that the two of you were discussing children.”

I nodded. “We were. She said she wanted one, but I’m not ready, not with my new responsibilities.” Among other things that I can’t explain. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Sara said she hoped you’d change your mind if she became pregnant.” Raquel paused. “She confided in me that she stopped taking her birth control. She didn’t tell you . . .”

Her words trailed away as I doubled over, holding my stomach.

I was going to f*cking throw up.

“When? How long ago?” My questions were barely audible over the mayhem in my head.

She’d stopped taking her birth control. It wasn’t just birth control. It was the drug that specifically suppressed her episodic memory while allowing new memories to form. It was the unique creation of The Light and the foundation of why she believed she was Sara while having no recollection of being Stella Montgomery.

“Over three weeks now.”

My heart fell to my feet and tears blurred my vision. “Oh, God, do you think? Did she say anything to make you think she remembered?” I couldn’t even say it: I couldn’t say her life before me, before us.

I hadn’t wanted a wife. I’d avoided it, but from the first time I saw her, before she was brought to the Northern Light, before Abraham and Newton hurt her, before I lied to her, I fell in love with her. I fought it with all my might. That day in the cold, her injuries were supposed to be worse, but I couldn’t let him keep going. I had to stop him. And then when I arrived at the hospital and her neck was bruised, I knew that Newton had hurt her more, and I refused to leave her again. I couldn’t.

Raquel was speaking. “. . . didn’t, not that I picked up on at the time. Now I’m not sure. And there’s one other thing.”

I nodded, trying to quiet the voices in my head, trying to still the chaos. “What?”

“When we went to the hangar this afternoon, Brother Micah said that Xavier’s replacement, Thomas, had recently left.”

“What are you saying?”

“Well, he’s been in the community, unlike Xavier. I’ve seen him a few times.”

I couldn’t speak. Sara wouldn’t risk punishment by speaking to a man she didn’t know. She surely wouldn’t leave the community with a man. My head moved dismissively from side to side. No, she wouldn’t do that. She was just talking about children, about wanting us to be a family.