Insight (Web of Hearts and Souls #1)(87)

“You loved me.”

“And I still love you, and if that was my reason it was good enough then, and it’s good enough now.”

“Willow, neither one of us will let others suffer so we can be together.”

“You have lost your mind!” I screamed.

He didn’t say anything. He just turned his back to me. I felt rage coursing through every part of me. I took off the necklace with the charm and slid off the ring, then sat them on the table and walked to the front door.

“Don’t leave,” he said. “You just told me to be with Drake. To be a pawn in a game that I’m not playing,” I said coldly as I opened the door.

“Willow—”

I stormed out of the front door and down the front steps. I couldn’t find my breath, my chest hurt so badly. Landen didn’t follow me. He knew I wasn’t going far. I ran through the field. I didn’t know where I was running to, I just knew I was running from it all. My entire life flashed before me, all the people I knew, the dreams, Landen, Drake, Perodine, my family, my Libby. I ran as if the demons themselves were on my heels. I couldn’t see through my tears or hear anything over my heartbeat.

I didn’t stop until my breath left me. I fell to my knees and looked up; the moon was almost full. I could see the outline. It taunted me…I felt so small and insignificant…why me?

Any other person could have played my role, and they would have been strong enough to fight this battle. Why would I find Landen, only to have to choose to lose him? Why would anyone hurt me that badly? What did I do to deserve this? I crawled the three feet between me and the base of the large windmill, then leaned my weak body against it and raised my head to the heavens. My breath was coming back slowly, but the pain in my chest was real. My heart was breaking.

The stars seemed so close, as if I could touch them. I’d never noticed them before, how detailed and extraordinary they were.

I don’t know how long I sat there, questioning who I was, before I felt someone coming toward me. I glanced up to see a small figure on the hilltop. It was Rose. Her emotions were so peaceful that I felt that emotion seep into my soul. When she reached me, she sat down quietly by my side.

“How did you find me?” I asked.

“Libby called me. She said you were sad.”

“Did you call Landen?”

“No, I could feel you. I knew you were alone,” she answered.

I looked at her.

“My home is right there.” She pointed to the hill she had just walked over. I smiled at myself, realizing that I’d run almost all the way to her house. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“He wants me to be with Drake. There’s nothing to talk about.”

“You know that’s not true,” she said with a smirk.

“He told me to choose him.”

“Willow, I’m sure you only heard what you wanted to hear.”

“It’s just not fair…it can’t be that black and white.”

“It’s not.”

“Then why is everyone telling me I have to choose?”

“Who is ‘everyone’?”

“Perodine, Landen—”

“Did Perodine tell you to choose between Landen and Drake?”

“She just said that I had to choose again…obviously, I chose Landen last time, and Landen thinks it’s our fault that the people in Esterious are suffering, that Monica is de-”

I couldn’t even say the word before tears hit me like a flood. Rose wrapped her arms around me and let me cry, rocking me back and forth.

“It’s not either of your faults. Everything has its reason, and you need to take this grief and use it as your weapon.”

“Why am I being punished for the day I was born?” I asked, trying to dry my face.

“Why do you think you are?” Rose asked, genuinely surprised.

I sat up straight and shook my head in frustration. “Ever since I came to Chara, all I’ve heard about is the stars and moon alignments; it decides how you learn, what your insight is, and apparently dictates what your fate is. What is the purpose of living if it’s already chosen for you?” I blurted out angrily.

Rose let her shoulders droop; she understood why I was so angry. She then shifted in front of me on her knees and gently placed her hands on my shoulders.

“You’ve misunderstood why Chara looks to the heavens,” she said softly.

I looked up at her and brushed my hair out of my eyes.

“Chara’s foundation is love. We learn about our planets to help us understand who we are. If you love yourself, then you can love others more powerfully.”

“Then why am I asked to pay for something that was done so long ago?”

“You chose this path. You were chosen by this path,” Rose said with certainty.

“Rose, you aren’t making any sense,” I said, lowering my head.

“Yes I am. You’re just not listening to me,” she said, a little louder than I expected.

I looked up at her quickly.

“At any moment, you can change your destiny. Your thoughts lead the way. Your soul is old, and you’ve chosen this path so often that it has now come to you at a younger age than ever before. So, it’s natural for it to feel forced upon you.”