Initiative (Suncoast Society #31)(4)

“Sweetie, promise me you’ll go to your reunion this weekend.”

“Why?” Late in the afternoon, Susan’s opinion pendulum had swung through the spectrum again, and she’d been considering canceling. At least the lost ticket price wasn’t really a concern for her.

“Because you need to get out for a while. Get out of your head. Just go. Please?”

Kristin was fifty-eight and a combination of adopted mother and big sister to Susan. Especially since losing John.

“Will you get off my case if I go?” Susan side-stepped her friend and continued her trek to her car.

She followed Susan. “For at least twelve hours, yes. That’s the best deal I’ll offer you.”

“Okay, fine. I promise I won’t cancel. I can’t promise I’ll have fun, though.”

“I know. But you never break a promise to me, so I’m glad to know that for the weekend, at least, you’ll be out of your element.”

Susan drove home in a funk. Mixed feelings swirled through her. If Darryl and Grant and some of her other old friends weren’t there, it would be a long, lonely weekend. Hell, some of her friends, like Rusty McElroy, wouldn’t be there because they’d been older and in different grades ahead of her, even though they’d all hung together and played D and D and other games. Went to the movies. Watched sci-fi and other shows on TV.

I wonder if any of them still live in the area.

Yes, she probably could have jumped on Facebook and tried to find them. But she hated using Facebook and rarely went onto the site to check her account, had it locked down tight so people couldn’t find her on it anyway. She wasn’t fond of social media sites, the privacy concerns a pretty big deal for her.

Which, yes, she recognized it was ironic considering how geeky she’d been in high school. It’d been nerve-wracking enough for her going out to the different local events with John, the chamber of commerce and Rotary and other soirees, where she always wondered if anyone would spot their secret.

She would have done anything to protect their secret, to protect his reputation so people didn’t think badly about him, even though he’d been far less concerned about it than her.

She’d trusted John, had been able to relax with his guiding calm and strong patience. She would have followed him anywhere.

Even into death, although that option had been taken off the table for her by the sealed letter he’d left for her with Ed.

He left her with a standing order to live, to try to find happiness, that he wanted her to love again, even find another Master if she wanted. Although she knew damned well he’d never intended to die as young as he had.

Two years. Two long, lonely years.

Kristin was right. Susan knew she used work as her drug of choice, hoping the stress and poor self-care would have taken her down with a heart attack by now.

No such luck.

When Susan arrived home, she followed her usual routine. She locked herself in, reset the alarm, and stripped in the front foyer. Shoes, pants, panties, blouse, bra. Neatly folding her clothes and putting them on the table there.

From the table, she picked up her leather collar and buckled it around her neck, followed by the matching leather wrist and ankle cuffs.

She immediately walked into the living room, where John’s urn sat on a shelf next to the TV, their wedding picture beside it.

Kneeling, she bowed her head. “This girl belongs to her Master,” she quietly recited. “Mind, soul, body, heart. Until Master decides otherwise. I love you.”

Slowly breathing through her mental pain, still sharply keen even two years later, she struggled not to cry. Yes, in the letter John had told her she was free to seek out someone else to love, if she felt they were good for her and could take care of her and protect her. Give her happiness.

The truth was, she didn’t want to. She didn’t have the heart or energy to. It was all she could do to fulfill the final order he’d left for her—to live, to take care of his most precious property as best she could, to protect it, to nurture it.

Meaning her.

And she’d done a damn piss-poor job of that, truth be told.

Kind of difficult when her heart wasn’t anchored in living any longer.

After one long, final breath, she raised her head and looked at the urn. “When does it get easier, Sir?” she whispered. “When does it stop hurting so damn bad?”





Chapter Two


Just another Wednesday night on the field of battle, with the dead and injured lying all around them and choices to be made that could determine whether he lived…or died.

“So, are you going to sit there all night?” Axel asked Grant. “Or are you going to do something? It’s your initiative.”

Grant Delaney carefully studied the battle map laid out before them.

Rusty McElroy stood, an empty hard cider bottle in his hand. “While the stoned druid is making up his mind, I’m getting a refill. Can I get anyone anything?”

“I’m not stoned. I was stunned for two rounds. Big difference.”

“Stoned, stunned, same damn thing. You couldn’t do shit for two rounds and now we’re getting slaughtered. Does anyone want anything?”

Tonight the rotating D and D game was at Rusty and Eliza’s house. After everyone else shook their heads, Rusty headed for the kitchen.