In the Shadow of Lakecrest(82)

“The walls blocked most of the moonlight, and I could barely see where I was going. I kept having the odd sensation that I was being watched—which I was, by Matthew—but whenever I turned around, there was no one there. When I arrived at the opening that led into the clearing, I saw Cecily lying on her side, looking like some kind of pagan goddess. She’d pulled down the shoulders of her gown, and wine dripped from her chin and down her neck. Slowly and deliberately, she poured wine over her chest. As if her body were some kind of offering! Her eyes looked heavy, as if she were half-asleep. Then I heard Jasper say, ‘You will be my destruction,’ and Cecily laughed.

“My heart nearly stopped. I scurried back and tumbled into Matthew. Behind me, I could hear sounds—my God, like animals!—and I was terrified Matthew would see. I dragged him away, back to the house. I told him over and over it was only a dream. It was all I could think to say. And worse was to come. By the end of the summer, I’d worked out that Cecily was expecting.”

I grimaced as a ripple of pain made my stomach clench. Hannah wiped my face with a damp towel. The contraction eased, and I sucked in a breath, trying to calm my racing heart.

“I waited for Cecily to confide in me, but she didn’t,” Hannah said. “I assumed she’d do what any woman with money does in her position: arrange a trip abroad and have the child adopted. But she had other plans. I only found out about it when I saw her maid with a note to be delivered to Karel. I read it, of course, and why wouldn’t I? Who knows what kind of scheme she was plotting? The note instructed Karel to meet her in the Labyrinth at midnight—they’d made plans to elope.

“It was ludicrous. Cecily running away with a gardener? Matthew and Marjorie would be laughingstocks! As for the child . . . it could be the product of relations with her own brother! No, no. Cecily couldn’t possibly keep that baby, and I was the only one who could ensure she gave it up.

“I went to Karel’s cottage that night, and he admitted everything. He swore he and Cecily had only given in to temptation once, during a rainstorm when she’d taken refuge at his cottage. It was clear he didn’t know anything about pregnancy—I remembered the date of the storm and could tell Cecily was farther along than that. That’s when I knew she was carrying Jasper’s child.

“I didn’t tell Karel, of course. I gave him two choices: go with Cecily, who was a good ten years older and would soon be cut off from her money by her furious brother, or leave Lakecrest alone, with a generous payment and excellent references. Karel quickly came to the right decision. He agreed to leave in the next few days, after I’d been able to gather the money. I even felt a bit sorry for Cecily when I saw how willingly he deserted her.

“Cecily’s note to Karel had said to meet in a hidden compartment of the Labyrinth. I decided to let her wait in vain. You may think me petty, but I thought it would do her good to be brought down a peg. I was as surprised as anyone when I heard her bed hadn’t been slept in. She must have heard the policemen tramping across the estate the next day, calling her name, but she never came out. Even then I wasn’t worried. I thought she was out there, sulking. After everyone left that night, Jasper poured a glass of whiskey—Lord knows how many he’d had that day—and I could see he was holding back tears. It gave me such satisfaction to have the upper hand at last! I didn’t tell him I knew where Cecily was; I chose to let him suffer. And that’s not the worst of it. Not by a half.

“When Jasper was so drunk he could hardly stand, I called his valet to see him to bed, then I left Lakecrest. It was beautiful out: stars sprinkled across the sky, the moonlight reflected on the water. Even so, it took all the strength I had to enter the Labyrinth that night. I shouted out Cecily’s name, knowing no one would hear, and this time she came out. Looking such a wreck I almost felt sorry for her. I told her Karel wasn’t coming and that we should discuss her situation back at the house. The look she gave me . . . well, it was the kind a queen gives the lowliest servant. ‘How dare you give me orders,’ she said, as if I were of no account. A nobody, utterly beneath her.

“Had she shown a moment of weakness, I might have been kinder. Instead, I lashed out. I told her she was vile and depraved, that I’d never allow the child of such evil at Lakecrest. ‘Evil?’ she asked. ‘The baby was created in an act of great beauty.’ Honestly, Kate, it was all such gibberish, but she believed it! She honestly believed what she got up to in the Labyrinth had some sort of sacred meaning! Then she prattled on about me being a snob simply because the child was Karel’s, and it took me some time to understand because I was so confused.

“Kate—she didn’t know. The wine she drank was mixed with leaves that brought on visions. The same kind used in ancient Greece, naturally. Cecily thought Karel had come to her in the form of the Minotaur. I was the one who told her it was Jasper.

“Dear God, her face. Her entire body collapsed. There wasn’t much to say after that. I left her on the ground, sobbing, and went to bed. The next day, Cecily’s room was still empty. I assumed she’d skulk in eventually when she needed food. Jasper was frantic, but I still believed Cecily would turn up at the house any minute. After supper, when Jasper turned back to his whiskey, I returned to the Labyrinth. Cecily was lying right where I’d left her, and I thought she was asleep. Until I saw the knife by her side. It was the kind the gardeners used to trim branches; I suppose it might have been Karel’s—Kate, you can’t understand what I did unless you know how awful it was. She was coated in blood. She’d cut her wrists—there were gouges all over her arms—but the worst was her stomach. She’d butchered herself! Herself and the baby . . .”