In Her Shadow(37)

"Nice, but it doesn't quite explain the smile."

"I guess not. I learned a lot tonight – so much I can't process it all. It'll take years, if I can at all."

"That's a reason to smile?"

"My mother, Dux Lucius. The abbey told me she died. She didn't. I understand why they told me she did, but. . ."

"But?"

"I saw her so clearly as the soldiers dragged her away. She was so skinny, ragged, but the expression on her face was so peaceful. She'd done the right thing giving me to the abbey, and she knew it." Britta wiped a tear from her eyes and sniffled. "Sorry. I'm not getting maudlin. I grieved her loss a long time ago. It was just nice to see her face again."

"You're fine," said Dux Lucius. "Learn anything else?"

"I learned I can see things in both the literal and figurative dark."

"Figurative dark?"

"Yes, like into the heart of a man who's cut himself from the world emotionally because of his grief."

Lucius stiffened.

"A man," Britta said, "who feels guilt anytime he finds pleasure. A man who hurts so deeply he's afraid to love."

"Stop."

"She'd forgive you for finding love again. She'd want that for you."

"So you can see into the darkness beyond death?"

"No, but–"

"Then you don't know." Lucius pulled away from her. Stood. "Our business isn't done yet. We still have to deal with my father."





Chapter 18


The party of cloaked sisters and soldiers – Weboshi fettered in their midst – passed through the city streets as Ankshara woke. Those citizens who hadn't been party to the riot stole glances as the unusual parade went. The march from the docks to the Governor's manse was a sign of unity between the two peoples, a symbolic act as important as the real act of putting out the fire together not long before. Weboshi, by accident born of incident, had caused it all. Britta wanted to hug her, tell her it was going to be okay, but her new position as Abbess of Night prevented her. Was this what it meant to be the Abbess? A constant stream of lies, secrets, and omissions? It explained a lot about her predecessor.

Britta hated it, and hated herself for not being able to speak the words that brewed inside, for not being able to save Weboshi from her fate. If the Governor wasn't guilty, then what? Weboshi would hang – might hang anyway. Britta couldn't blame Dux Lucius for it. Weboshi had stolen his daughter, almost killed her. He was well within his rights to be angry. Was he right to be angry with Britta too? It's not as if she'd intentionally looked into his soul to uncover the secrets of his heart. She didn't ask for that information, it had been thrust on her.

That was the problem, she realized as they neared the Governor's manse. The Goddess had given her a lot of information, but not the information Britta needed. Couldn't this whole ordeal be cut short if the Goddess had simply told her if the Governor was guilty; and if he was, where to find proof? Another secret, piled like a brick a top a wall of more secrets. The Goddess shared nothing more than was necessary to achieve Her own goals. Could someone who lied so much ever be trustworthy?

Look at me, Britta thought, a mere mortal questioning the motives of a goddess. So what? How much pain could the world be spared if the gods kept their noses out of mortal business? No, Britta knew better than that. Mankind made its own mistakes, committed its own atrocities. If anything, her Goddess had mitigated the worst of that. It wasn't fair to castigate Her. But then, what harm would it have done to stop Weboshi from ever acting in the first place? So much hurt, so much pain, so much destruction could have been avoided if the Goddess had commanded the last Abbess of Night to act. She could have nipped all this in the bud. She'd revealed to Britta so much; why had she revealed what Dux Lucius thought too? Especially if bringing it up had only served to upset him. In the crucible of the riot and ensuing fire, Britta felt she and Lucius had forged a bond. Anyone who'd seen the pair sitting side-by-side, leaning on one another in the aftermath, would have thought them lovers. And what ruined that moment? Revealing what the Goddess had shown her in the darkness of Lucius's heart. It wasn't right – sabotage even. "Have faith," the last Abbess had told her, but how could Britta when it seemed like the Goddess moved the peace process forward only to immediately undercut it. What purpose did it serve?

Disloyal, Britta thought, like Weboshi; I am Her chief priestess, and I am disloyal. She would think on it later, pray, meditate, see if the Goddess would reveal more. Britta wished she could stop and do it now, but the reality of the situation faced her as the Governor, surrounded by his household guard, stepped onto the front porch of the manse.

"Son!" said the Governor, arms wide as he descended the steps. "You found her!"

"Yes," said Dux Lucius.

"Excellent! Excellent!" The Governor glanced over his shoulder at his guard. "Take her away," he said. "No more waiting. We can be done with this. How long until your men arrive with the Abbess of Night?"

Britta took a step forward but Captain Marcus quietly put a hand across her chest, restraining her.

"She's not coming," said Dux Lucius.

"What? Why not? Did she escape?"