Imperial (Insight #8)(44)

When this all began, the other kings were kind in their own way to me. They would take me to The Realm and let me witness what emotions their line washed away. Very early on whilst with Xavier in The Realm, he questioned me about Vade. He knew that Vade was with the Creator when I was raised and wanted to know why. I had no answer for that. Xavier also knew that for some time Vade and I had been stepping out on our little adventures, that Vade was waltzing me through an endless sea of firsts. Xavier asked me how serious we were about each other.

Still new to this lifestyle, I did not know all the rules, so I came very close to saying the ‘L’ word, to confessing my blooming emotions for Vade to Xavier. I had no reason to believe that he was a foe; at that time, we were all loyal sovereigns. Just as the word came out, his hand cupped my mouth and he earnestly told me that I could never feel that if I wanted to remain here. He told me why, too: that we had to rise above that so we could complete our charge and not infect the masses.

I remember not understanding why the Creator had not told me that, why if that emotion were deadly to us that He had left that rule unspoken. I can still feel my heartache. I had planned to tell Vade that day how I felt. I knew we’d find our way to this beach. I planned not only to say that word to him but also kiss him for the first time, because though I could see the desire in his eyes, he had left that barrier up. I thought if I told him and made that move, he would know that he was breaking through to that shy girl I was.

According to Xavier, I would have died in his arms if I’d said it. I knew that would have been more than painful for Vade. That advice, I am thankful to Xavier for; he stopped me, and because he had, Vade and I had spent countless cycles of eternity at each other’s side. Of course, thanks to Xavier we had spent almost one apart, but I suppose that is beside the point now.

“Another first,” I said under my breath as I let go of the wheel and turned in my seat.

Vade let a ghost of a smile come to the corners of his lips.

“How do I turn her around?”

He moved his head from side to side as he reached for me. I climbed over the seat and onto his lap, resting my legs on each side of him as I leaned my back against the front seat.

“Why not? You can’t see it from there?” I said quietly as I gazed at the setting sun through the back window.

“It is not as beautiful as you.”

I blushed as I tried to hide a smile. We were in yet another poetic moment. He was forcing me to face the innocence I once was, the beauty of it, why he faced the storm clouds closing in around me.

Vade reached to caress a strand of my hair that the wind had blown across my face behind my ear.

“Do you remember what I asked you right before one of our sacred firsts happened?” he asked tenderly.

That girl I was rushed to the surface, and you would have thought that no time had passed. The sight of him still sent a hum of adrenaline through my veins. I still had to tell my voice not to tremble. “You asked me what I was feeling.”

There was a pain in his eyes, one that was there when this happened the first time. I didn’t understand it any more now than before. “What are you feeling right now?” he said as his hands fell to my legs and slowly caressed the flesh that was there.

“More than I can say,” I said with a sigh. His humming touch could, no, would never get old, become common.

“Try,” he urged gently. I could swear his eyes were glassing over, but I convinced myself that was only the light of his rush; the aroma of roses filling the car was telling me I was right.

My eyes fell from his. He didn’t know what he was asking me to do, that the girl I was and the woman I had become wanted to tell him he was more than a rush, and if I did, this turmoil we were entangled in would not matter because I would perish in his arms.





I remember Xavier telling me that my essence would shatter and become a part of The Realm. I halfway wondered why he didn’t use that word to end me last time. Surely if he had, I never would have found my way to the Veil. Xavier should have forced me to speak my emotions back then. Even though I was furious at Vade, I still would have said it. Now, Xavier was going to wish he had because no matter how temporary my reprieve from the Reaper’s watch was, I was going to ensure that I struck that king.

I had to move my thoughts away from that emotion, that word. I had to figure out how to show Vade how much I adored him.

I placed my hands on his, something I never would have done when this happened before. I slid them forward on my thighs as I leaned in and very timidly tilted my head, inviting him to kiss me.

Over the course of time, we had held each other countless ways, tenderly to aggressively, each time finding a new experience that would never be forgotten. Yet now at this moment, the comfort we had found with each other’s vessels had vanished. It was as if neither of us had ever been touched.

Vade’s hands left my legs and reached to cradle my face. He held my gaze, not letting his lips reach mine. “This is not words, Glory,” he said under his breath as his gorgeous eyes slowly eased across my image.

“The sacrifice I would face for saying them would be worth the relief of telling you…but I swear to you that you would disagree. You would never let me utter them if you knew them.”

“I should be given the chance to disagree. To know the words I see in your eyes.”

I began to tremble in his lap. He could not seriously know what I wanted to say about how I felt, for if he did he would never let me say the words. He would never let me perish. We were the last fragments of what true Escorts were.