If I Were You (Inside Out #1)(72)

“You’re giving me whiplash, baby. That’s a sudden change of subject.”

“And you’re avoiding an answer.”

“For someone so tipsy, you’re pretty damn pushy.”

“I used the word ‘cock-fight’ the last time I was drinking,” I remind him. “So yeah. I am.”

His lips quirk. “Ah yes. How could I forget?”

“What happened with Mike?” I repeat.

“He gave me something that used to be my father’s. He thought I’d like to have it.”

I’m shocked he’s really answered. Tentatively, I push for more, “But you didn’t want it?”

“No. I didn’t.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“No.”

“What was it?”

He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a small laminated card and hands it to me. I study what appears to be a wine judge’s certificate with his father’s name on it.

I glance up at Chris, at the hard set of his jaw, and I feel the ache in him, the turbulence and pain. “Why didn’t you want this?”

“Because Mike and Katie don’t know that wine was my father’s drug of choice. It’s how he tried to forget the day he was behind the wheel of the car when my mother died.”

Air rushes from my lunges. “He was driving?”

“Yes. He was driving and he never forgave himself for letting her die. He hid behind the tasting events and the judging tables, and slowly drank himself to death.”

I feel like I’ve been punched in the chest. Chris not only lost his mother that tragic day, he’d also lost his father. “Oh God. Chris. I’m sorry.”

Anger crackles off of him. “Come on, Sara, you of all people know sorry is not what the hell I want to hear.”

“I do. You’re right.” Damn the buzz in my head that won’t let me communicate properly. His sharing this with me is a huge breakthrough. Desperately, I fight the buzz; I try to let Chris know I’m here for him. “If this is the deep, dark secret you think is going to make me run away, it’s not. I’m not going anywhere.”

He barks out in bitter laughter, and turns me so that I am against the rail, his hands framing my shoulders, his body no longer touching mine. Dark Chris is back, and he is harder and edgier than I have ever seen him. His voice lowers and bites like a whip. “If you think this is my darkest secret, then it tells me you have no idea just how dark life can get.”

“How do you know if you don’t try me?”

“You can’t handle it,” he grinds out. “End of story. And you’re not going to get a chance to prove me right. I’ve broken rules with you, important rules I’ve lived by, and you’re the one who’ll pay the price. I’m not going to let that happen.” He pushes off the railing. “We’re leaving.” He grabs my hand and when he sees the card in my palm, he tosses it into the water. My stomach knots as I double-step to keep up and watch the small piece of his father flutter toward the water. My heel catches on a board and I stumble again.

Chris rounds on me and catches me. “And stop drinking too much damn wine.”

I’m appalled at his reprimand, my defensiveness rising to the challenge. “You gave me the wine, you…jerk!”

His hand tightens on my arm and he pulls me close. “Finally you get what I’ve been telling you. Yes. I’m a jerk. The kind of jerk you don’t deserve.” He takes my hand and starts walking, and like the jerk he proclaims to be, his steps are fast and my footing is painfully unsteady.

We round the building without ever going inside, and head to the limo parked off by to the side of the drive. He yanks open the door. “Get in.”

“What about Katie and Mike?”

“Get in, Sara.”

My throat thickens with emotion and I consider refusing, but the world is spinning around me, and not entirely because of the wine. I slide into the car and over to the far window. I watch Eric scramble upright from an apparent nap and straighten.

“Is everything okay, sir?” he asks as Chris climbs into the vehicle.

“We’re ready to return to the hotel,” is Chris’s only answer. He slams the door beside him and this time he does not move to sit beside me.

We are worlds apart.

***

The ride back is short and tense, but it is long enough for the anger to build to a near-explosive level inside me. I have let Chris turn my life upside down in a matter of a week. It’s insane. It’s everything I said I would never let a man do again.

When the car stops I open my side and get out. Eric quickly does the same. “Thank you, Eric, for the tour.” I turn on my heel and let him shut the door I’ve exited.

Chris is waiting on me as I round the trunk, a predatory gleam in his gaze, hot and filled with desire. It pisses me off. I am not prey. I am not a token to be used and played with. I tug the shawl around me and cross my arms, giving him no chance to take my hand, and head inside the hotel.

He falls into step beside me, softly announcing the obvious. “People are watching us. They can tell you’re pissed.”

“How very observant of them.” I keep walking toward the elevator and I know I’m swaying. I’m flipping drunk and that just ticks me off more. It means I trusted Chris to take care of me. I don’t need to be taken care of. I don’t want to be taken care of.