I'm Thinking of Ending Things(51)

And then I fall onto my side. More blood. Something—spit, blood—bubbles from my mouth. So many small punctures. It hurts, all of it, but we feel nothing.

It’s done now, and I’m sorry.

I look at my hands. One is shaking. I try to steady one with the other. I can’t. I slump back into the closet. A single unit, back to one. Me. Only me. Jake. Alone again.

I decided. I had to. No more thinking. I answered the question.





—There’s one other thing I wanted to ask about: the note.

—What?

—The note. Near his body. I was told there was a note.

—You heard about that?

—Yes.

—It wasn’t so much of a note as . . . well, it was detailed.

—Detailed?

—Some kind of diary, maybe, or story.

—Story?

—I mean, he wrote about characters, or maybe they were people he knew. But then, he’s in the story, too, except he’s not the one telling it. Well, maybe he is. In a way. I don’t know. I’m not sure I follow it. I can’t tell what’s true and what’s not. And yet . . .

—Does it explain why? Does it explain why he . . . ended things?

—I’m not sure. We’re not really sure. Maybe.

—What do you mean? He either explained it or he didn’t.

—It’s just . . .

—What?

—It’s not that simple. I don’t know. Here. Look at this.

—What is all this? This is a lot of pages. Is this what he wrote?

—Yes. You should read it. But maybe start at the end. Then circle back. First, though, I think you better sit down.





ACKNOWLEDGMENTS


Nita Pronovost. Alison Callahan. Samantha Haywood.

“Jean,” “Jimmy,” Stephanie Sinclair, Jennifer Bergstrom, Meagan Harris, Nina Cordes, Kevin Hanson, Adria Iwasutiak, Amy Prentice, Loretta Eldridge, Sarah St. Pierre, David Winter, Léa Antigny, Martha Sharpe, Chris Garnham, Kenny Anderton, Sjón, METZ.

Everyone at Simon & Schuster Canada, Scout Press, and Text Publishing.

My friends. My family.

Thank you.