I See You(4)

The train pulled in to Liverpool Street; a throng of people waiting on the platform, impatient for the doors to open.

Kelly’s pulse quickened.

There, in the centre of the crowd, half-hidden beneath oversized jeans, a hooded top and a baseball cap, was Carl. Instantly recognisable and – desperate though Kelly was to get home – impossible to walk away from. It was clear from the way he melted into the crowd that Carl had seen Kelly a split second before she had seen him, and was equally unenthusiastic about the encounter. She was going to have to move fast.

Kelly jumped off the train just as the doors hissed behind her. She thought at first she’d lost him, then she caught sight of a baseball cap ten or so yards ahead; not running, but weaving swiftly through the throng of passengers leaving the platform.

If Kelly had learned one thing over the last ten years on the Underground, it was that politeness got you nowhere.

‘Mind your backs!’ she yelled, breaking into a run and shoving her way between two elderly tourists dragging suitcases. ‘Coming through!’ She might have lost him that morning, and copped a bruised shoulder as a result, but she wasn’t about to let him get away again. She thought fleetingly of the supper she had hoped would be waiting for her at home, and calculated this was going to add at least two hours on to her day. But needs must. She could always grab a kebab on the way home.

Carl was legging it up the escalator. Rookie error, Kelly knew, taking the steps instead. Fewer tourists to negotiate and easier on the thighs than the jerky, uneven motion of a moving stairway. Even so Kelly’s muscles were burning as she drew parallel with Carl. He threw a quick look over his left shoulder as they reached the top, then swerved right. For f*ck’s sake, Carl, she thought. I should be booking off now.

With a final burst of speed she caught up with him as he was preparing to vault the ticket barrier, grabbing a handful of jacket with her left hand and twisting one arm up behind his back with her right. Carl made a half-hearted attempt to pull away, knocking her off balance and causing her hat to fall to the ground. Kelly was aware of someone picking it up and hoped they weren’t going to run off with it. She was already in the dog house with Stores for losing her baton in a scrap the other week – she could do without another telling off.

‘Warrants have got a Fail to Appear with your name on it, mate,’ Kelly said, her words punctuated with breaths that were hard to take within the confines of a stab vest. She reached for her belt and unclipped her cuffs, snapping them deftly on to Carl’s wrists and checking for tightness. ‘You’re nicked.’





I see you. But you don’t see me. You’re engrossed in your book; a paperback cover with a girl in a red dress. I can’t see the title but it doesn’t matter; they’re all the same. If it isn’t boy meets girl, it’s boy stalks girl. Boy kills girl.

The irony isn’t lost on me.

At the next stop I use the incoming swell of commuters as an excuse to move closer to you. You hang from the strap in the centre of the carriage, reading one-handed; turning the page with a well-practised thumb. We’re so close, now, that our coats are touching, and I can smell the vanilla base of your perfume; a scent that will have long since faded by the time you leave work. Some women disappear into the loos at lunchtime; touch up their make-up, add a spritz of fragrance. Not you. When I see you after work the dark grey make-up on your lids will have drifted into tired shadows beneath your eyes; the tint on your lips transferred to countless cups of coffee.

You’re pretty, though, even at the end of a long day. That counts for a lot. Not that it’s always about beauty; sometimes it’s exotic looks, or large breasts, or long legs. Sometimes it’s class and elegance – all tailored navy trousers and tan heels – and sometimes it’s brassy and cheap. Slutty, even. Variety is important. Even the finest steak becomes dull when you eat it all the time.

Your handbag is larger than average. You usually carry it over your shoulder, but when the train is busy – as it is at this stage of your commute – you put it on the floor, between your legs. It has slouched open, allowing me to see inside. A purse – soft brown calf leather with a gilt clasp. A hairbrush, blonde hairs trailing from its bristles. A reusable shopping bag, neatly rolled into a ball. A pair of leather gloves. Two or three brown envelopes, torn open then pushed into the bag along with their contents. Post snatched from the doormat after breakfast, opened on the platform while you wait for your first train. I crane my neck to read what is printed on the uppermost envelope.

So now I know your name.

Not that it matters: you and I aren’t going to have the sort of relationship that needs names.

I take out my phone and swipe up to reveal the camera. I turn towards you; use my thumb and forefinger to zoom in until only your face is in the frame. If anyone noticed me now, they’d just think I was uploading a record of my commute to Instagram, or Twitter. Hashtag selfie.

A silent click, and you’re mine.

As the train takes a bend you let go of the ceiling strap and lean down for your handbag, still intent on your book. If I didn’t know you better I’d think you’d caught me looking, and were moving your belongings out of view, but it isn’t that. The bend in the track simply means it’s nearly your stop.

You’re enjoying this book. Usually you’ll stop reading much earlier than this; when you reach the end of a chapter, and you slip between the pages the postcard you use as a bookmark. Today you’re still reading even as the train pulls into the station. Even as you shoulder your way through to the door, saying ‘Excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ a dozen times. You’re still reading even as you walk towards the exit, your eyes flicking upwards to make sure you don’t bump into anyone.