Husband Fur Hire (Bears Fur Hire #1)(55)

“At the beginning of the warm season I called you asking where Cole was.”

Elyse’s mouth fell open, and she rocked back against the chair. “I remember. I felt better, more hopeful after I talked to you. You said I could call you if I needed anything.”

“And I meant it. I would’ve dropped everything and helped if you ever called. I waited, hoping you would. Not hoping that you needed me, but to hear your voice again. Cole knew I was coming. He didn’t even try to hide from me. He told me he was hoping I got to him in time because his wolf wanted you.”

“Wanted me how?”

“He said he’d given the wolf that little girl to buy him time so he wouldn’t come back here.”

“He wanted to kill me?”

“His wolf did, Elyse. You have to understand. Cole wasn’t right. The McCalls have bad bloodlines. They have for centuries. Most werewolves are okay, but the McCalls always end up losing control of their animals.”

“And you put them down.”

Ian went back to plucking as he darkly said, “Sometimes me. Sometimes my brothers. Cole didn’t deserve it, but I gave him an honorable death. He asked me to give you the note, and I told him I would.”

“An honorable death. Tell me.”

“Elyse,” Ian warned.

“Tell me, Ian.”

He sighed and dropped the duck into the pile, then lifted his jacket and sweater out of the way, exposing the worst of his scars across his ribcage.

“That was Cole’s doing?”

“Nah, that was his wolf’s doing. It was a fight to the death, animal versus animal. His wolf knew he was beat, so he attacked while I was Changing. I couldn’t do anything as he ripped into me, but I can’t really blame him. He didn’t deserve to live, but he still wanted to. Survival is a powerful instinct, even for the broken. This is the gig, Elyse. If a shifter goes wild and wages war on humans, or if they take innocent lives and threaten to expose us, I get the order to put them down.”

Elyse swallowed hard at the thought of a wolf tearing into Ian while he was mid-Change. Of the damage his body had sustained to keep the awful scars that he did. “Why did you wait so long to come find me to give me the note?”

“Because I knew I wouldn’t want to leave if I saw you. If I talked to you in person, I knew I’d want you. I just meant to give you the letter and say sorry and leave, but you were determined to hire a husband, and dammit, Elyse, you were standing there, so f*cking beautiful, offering me everything I hadn’t known I wanted, and I was weak. I couldn’t say no. Every instinct in my body screamed that I could take care of you where Cole had failed. I could provide for you and make you stronger. I could make it so you never came out of another winter so skinny. And as time went on and I got to know you better, I got terrified of losing you. I’ve wanted to tell you about Cole a million times. I’ve laid awake after you’ve gone to sleep just thinking about it. The thought of losing you was so painful. No, I’m not here out of guilt. I’m here because I f*cking need you more than the air I breathe. I love you more than I’ve loved anything. Any life without you would be empty. I told you before, and I meant it. You weren’t ever supposed to be Cole’s mate. You’ve always felt like mine.”

Elyse clutched the picture of herself. This wasn’t the black and white he-killed-my-ex scenario she’d assumed. This was about a different set of rules for shifters to follow, about Ian putting down someone who was dangerous and who’d taken innocent lives. She thought about the trapper and the little girl. About their families, who would forever be changed for the worse because of Cole’s actions.

Life out here required sacrifice. No one made it without getting blood on their hands. Taking life, like those of the ducks on the porch stair, was a part of living. It was a cycle. Cole had become a kink in the chain and disrupted the balance, and Ian drawing out his bear and fighting Cole to the death wasn’t the betrayal she’d thought. He’d avenged the people Cole had killed. He’d given justice to their families. Ian Silver had placed himself between Cole’s dark intentions and the rest of the world and taken scars upon his body to keep her and everyone else safe from that werewolf’s descent into madness.

And he’d saved her in the process.

She didn’t even want to imagine what Cole would’ve done to her if left to his own devices. If she read his letter again now, every sentence he’d written would have a different meaning.

Ian had gone back to plucking, but Elyse slid off the chair and squatted down behind him. Slowly, she rested her cheek against his back and wrapped her arms around his middle.

With a long sigh of relief, the tension left Ian’s body, and he relaxed under her. He angled his head back toward her as if he wanted to be even closer. “I’m sorry.”

“Were you really going to tell me everything when we went to Afognak tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I had it all planned out. Afognak has always been home to me. Miller found the cave I hibernate in. I’d built a cabin inside, but he burned it to ashes.”

“Oh, Ian.”

“It’s fine. I was going to show you and bring the folder and tell you everything—let you see all of me. I couldn’t have gone to sleep for the winter without coming clean. It’s part of why I wanted you to wait to marry me until you’d been with me through the cold season. I want your eyes wide open when you take my last name.”