How to Find Love in a Book Shop(13)

‘Well, that’s lovely,’ said Julius, thinking that was all very well but he would have liked to wait a little longer. He didn’t say that, though. ‘We’re going to have to find somewhere better to live. And I’ll have to get a decent job.’

Bugger, he thought. It was his own stupid fault. It was his responsibility as much as hers. He should never have assumed.

Rebecca got up to be sick again. And Julius looked around the room that had been their home for the past few months and thought: I’m going to be a father.

Rebecca didn’t tell her family when she flew back to New England for Thanksgiving. She was still as slim as a reed, because she wasn’t even three months gone, and she had thrown up every morning and every evening like clockwork, despite devouring sugary, fatty lardy cakes Julius brought her from the bakery.

‘There just wasn’t a good time. I wasn’t there for long enough, and there were so many visitors. I’ll tell them at Christmas.’

By Christmas, she was putting on weight, but it was cold, so she was able to wrap herself in swathes of baggy clothing. She still didn’t reveal her secret.

‘I didn’t tell them. I didn’t want to ruin the holiday.’

‘It’s getting a bit late.’ Julius was anxious. He had told his mother, who had expressed no surprise. But nothing surprised or shocked Debra, who’d been there and seen it and done it all.

‘Just don’t expect me to babysit,’ was all she told him, and he laughed, but didn’t say she was the last person he would leave a child with.

By the time Rebecca was four months pregnant, she found out she had got a place at Oxford and finally told her family. Julius realised it was because before then she’d been afraid they might force her into something she didn’t want to do. She had a will of iron, but pregnancy had made her vulnerable and pliable and she’d feared that on home territory she might be brainwashed.

‘You? Brainwashed?’ Julius was disbelieving.

‘I’m not as tough as I make out,’ she told him. ‘And you don’t know my family.’ She made a face. ‘Daddy’s flying over.’

‘I thought you had your dad wrapped around your little finger?’

‘There’s a difference,’ she said, ‘between wanting to study at the best university in the world, and having a baby at nineteen.’

‘It’ll be fine,’ Julius told her. ‘I’m here to back you up.’

She was frightened, Julius realised, despite her fighting talk. And he thought perhaps she feared she might capitulate, because it would be the easy option. How awful, he thought, to fear manipulation by your own family. Debra might be on her own planet, but she was never interfering or controlling. In that moment, he swore to himself that he would never try and control his own child. That he would be supportive without being manipulative.

He wondered if Thomas Quinn was going to turn up with a shotgun. He was ready for him, if so. Julius didn’t much care about how Thomas Quinn felt – he was only concerned for Rebecca and his unborn child. There was a limit, in certain situations, as to how many people’s sensibilities you could address.



Thomas Quinn was surprisingly measured and calm about the situation. Rebecca came back from meeting him a little subdued, but relieved that there hadn’t been a scene.

‘It would have been different if my mom had come over,’ she told Julius. ‘Dad says she can’t even speak about it. I know Mom. She’ll turn it round to be her crisis. Her drama.’

‘She sounds awful,’ said Julius.

‘She just doesn’t like anything that doesn’t fit into her vision of how things should be.’

‘I suppose she’s not alone in that.’

‘No. But boy, do you know about it if it’s your fault.’

‘Well, it’s lucky she’s not here.’

‘Yes,’ agreed Rebecca. ‘Dad wants to meet you, though.’

‘No problem,’ said Julius. ‘I think we should meet.’

He wanted to reassure Thomas Quinn as much as he could.

Rebecca eyed him with interest. ‘You’re very brave.’

Julius shrugged. ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’

‘You do know most guys would have totally freaked out.’

‘There’s no point in getting hysterical. Or pretending it hasn’t happened. You’ve just got to get on with it.’

Rebecca hugged him. ‘You know what? You make me feel safe. I never knew that’s what I wanted …’



Julius met Rebecca’s father Thomas the next day in the drawing room of the suite he had hired. Rebecca had decided to keep out of the way.

‘I’ll only get emotional if he says something I don’t want to hear. Don’t let him bully you.’

‘Don’t worry,’ said Julius. He wasn’t nervous, though he was apprehensive. He didn’t want to make a tricky situation turn nasty.

Thomas Quinn was scrupulously polite, ushering him in and ordering coffee. It was a little bit surreal, thought Julius, sitting in opposing armchairs in this formal setting. He felt like a head of state about to discuss foreign policy.

‘I want to make this situation as least disruptive as possible,’ Thomas told him. ‘You know, of course, what a smart girl Rebecca is. She has a very bright future.’