How to Be Brave(39)

“May I speak to you in the other room, please, Georgia?” Oh, great. And as a result, I’ve pissed off Liss. Shit.

I get up off the couch and follow her into the kitchen.

I don’t want to fight with Liss. So she told them about my list. Who cares? This is all dumb. “I’m so sorry. I’ve never drunk this much, and apparently I can’t because it makes me say stupid shit. I’m really sorry, so sorry.” My head is pounding so bad. “And I f*cking fell asleep. I just guess I couldn’t handle all that juice—”

“What? Oh, I don’t care about that. Look, Evelyn’s the one who started talking about your list. I tried to stop her—I mean, I did stop her from telling them more. And as for Avery, she’s idiotic. And she’s so drunk, she won’t even remember any of this by Monday.”

“Oh.” Okay. Well, then. Phew. “What, then?”

“Gregg, that’s what. He’s an * who’s being an *.”

Besides her inability to curse creatively when she’s drunk, what she’s saying doesn’t add up. Nice Gregg? Sweet Gregg? Perfect Gregg? Well, that doesn’t make sense. “What’s going on?”

“He f*cking called me cheap and easy.”

“Wait, what? He called you that? I don’t believe it.…”

“Well, believe it. He said I’m throwing myself at Daniel, of all things. I mean, Daniel. Why would I even do that? Gregg took me in the other room and told me tonight’s not happening. He said I’m too drunk and he’s pissed about me going to Belize, that he doesn’t trust me.”

“Holy shit.” I rub my eyes. How long was I asleep? “I don’t understand. I thought things were going well. Are you sure? I mean, you’ve been drinking a lot.” And I saw it, too. I saw how you looked at him. “I mean, we’ve all been drinking a lot. Are you sure that’s what he meant?”

“God! Why are you defending him?”

“I’m not defending him. I just think it was a misunderstanding, is all.”

“Fuck it all, anyway.” She slams her palm on the granite counter and then spins around and opens the fridge. “I need a beer.” She grabs a bottle, twists off the cap, and chugs. “Screw it. This tastes like piss. I’m getting high.”

This could be bad. “Well, wait a minute. Slow down. Is that really the answer?” Ugh. I sound like my dad.

“Yes, it’s the answer. God. Avery’s right. You can be so f*cking uncool sometimes, you know that? You sound like your dad.”

“Don’t get mad at me. What the hell did I do?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” She retreats and shakes her head.

“Well, why am I here, then, if I’m so uncool?”

“Forget it.”

“No, why, Liss? Why are we in Avery’s house? Why are we kissing up to these jerks?”

“They’re Gregg’s friends, that’s all.”

“Okay, so fine. You’re kissing up to make nice with Gregg. Whatever. But then I don’t understand: Why are you mad at me?”

“You could be on my side, you know.”

“But I am on your side—”

I think.

She’s not listening, though. She’s drunk on anger and beer and juice and Lord knows what else. She chugs the bottle and throws it empty into the sink. “Where’s Evelyn? Let’s get this party started already.”

And then she’s gone.

And I’m here in No-Woman’s-Land—no, strike that—No-Liss-Land, alone.

*

Evelyn lights up and passes around the joint, and at first I pass, but then I see Liss sitting next to Daniel, and she’s laughing and flirting, and they’re still talking about f*cking Belize.

And then she places her hand on his biceps,

and he smiles,

and he leans in close to Liss

to Liss, of all people,

my best friend,

my only friend,

and the next time the pipe comes around, I think, Fuck it,

and I try,

I really try, but I cough so much Avery laughs, and then even Chloe laughs, Chloe, who I thought was kind of nice— and Liss doesn’t bother to defend me this time.

But I try it again, anyway.

I breathe it in,

and I hold it,

and I breathe again.


And then.


I’m kissing Gregg.


I don’t know how this happened.

His face is on mine, and mine is on his, and he tastes like earth and sweat and salt.

His neck is smooth.

His cheeks are smooth.

His lips are smooth.

We’re on a bed.

Inside a guest bedroom or Avery’s room or Avery’s parents’?

I don’t know.

We’re on a bed, and it’s dark, and he tastes like earth and sweat and salt.

And it’s my first kiss,

and my second and my third,

and then, I lose count.

And I want to stop,

but I can’t.

He tastes like soil.

I think I know this to be true.

And then,

Liss opens the door.

And then,


She turns on the light.

And then,