How (Not) to Fall in Love(50)

“It’s fine,” I told Liz. “I’m happy to do it.” I forced a smile even as my eyes brimmed with tears. “Not like I had a big date tonight.” Sal stared at me, sudden realization dawning in her eyes. I dropped my gaze.

Liz squeezed my shoulders. “You sure you’re okay by yourself tonight?”

I nodded, willing the tears to dry before they fell. I had to keep it together.

Liz said good-bye to Sal and her regulars, the fizz bubbling up in her again as she left the store, encompassing all of us in her good-bye wave. Why was that type of wave endearing from her but annoying as hell from Heather?

“You really should go,” I told Sal, not looking at her. “I know your drama posse is expecting you.” I knelt down and busied myself under the sink, wiping away tears while I pretended to look for something.

“I know when I’m not wanted,” Sal said. “And I also know what you’re hiding from, Darcy.”

I stayed on my knees, refusing to look at her.

“It doesn’t work, you know. Denying your feelings. Especially for you. Your heart is huge.”

I looked up at her in surprise.

“It’s why we’re friends.” She shrugged. “You have an enormous heart, but you keep it hidden. Because you’re afraid of it getting broken.” She glanced at the door as if she were looking for someone. “I see it, Darcy. I always have, because you let me.” She took a deep breath. “But I think…I think maybe he sees it, too.”

My knees popped and cracked in protest as I stood up. “What are you talking about?”

“Just a feeling I have.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “I’m very sensitive to male energy. And Lucas’s energy was whacked out tonight.”

I walked around her to shove tea into the tea racks. “Whatever, Sal. Lucas and I are friends.” I sounded like a glitching MP3 track. “He was just nervous with everybody making such a big deal with the photos and video.” It was true that I’d never seen him act so weird. So distracted. He must really like Heather. Maybe he even loved her.

Ugh.

I had to bury my feelings for him. I didn’t know how, but I had to figure out a way.

Sal nodded at my excuse. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“You really need—”

“—to go,” she finished, grinning. “I am, right now.” She hugged me good-bye and was out the door.

Whatever energy had been keeping me upright faded away. I sat down at one of the tables and rested my head in my hands. What was that prayer about accepting things we couldn’t change? There was so much in my life right now I couldn’t change.

Lucas saw me, all right. As a friend. So what if we liked the same music? So what if our walks with Toby had become a regular thing now? So what if I’d finally told him about my map, and about the henge at our cabin? So what if he hadn’t made fun of me or dismissed my ideas, but had listened and asked questions?

So what if we couldn’t stop laughing when we redid Charlie’s store window, with Pickles’ help, arranging the squirrels into a ridiculous Christmas morning scene, complete with coal-stuffed stockings? That was nothing compared to how he was with Heather tonight. She was so incredible he couldn’t even relax around her. I definitely didn’t impact him like that.

It was time to put my feelings for him in the same place with all my other impossible dreams, like Dad coming home to rescue us and Harvest, like Mom snapping out of it and becoming herself again. Like life going back to what it used to be.

I could make some things happen, like getting the board to extend our moving date, but making someone fall in love with me? That wasn’t something I could control.

Love was mysterious that way, surprising us when we least expected it. And I did love Lucas, I realized that now. But I’d keep that secret safe inside me, next to all my other impossible dreams.





Chapter Nineteen


November 9


The Grim Reaper belched blue smoke as I drove to Charlie’s early Sunday morning to pick up moving boxes. My chest tightened when I saw Lucas’s car in the alley. What was he doing here? Shouldn’t he be home recovering from his wild dance party weekend? I pushed away images of him entwined with Heather. Unlike Lucas, I hadn’t had a wild weekend. I’d drowned my sorrows in ice cream and a weepy old movie, The Way We Were, one of the best doomed romances of all time.

Charlie had given me a key to his store and I went in through the back, heading straight for the storeroom to avoid Lucas. But he was already there, stacking and shoving things around with a vengeance. His hair was messy, like he hadn’t bothered to shower. Maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he’d spent the past thirty-six hours with Heather.

He whirled to face me, his face tensing when he saw me. “What are you doing here?”

He sounded so angry that I took a step backward. “I, uh, I came for boxes. I just—” I took a breath to calm myself. I didn’t know what he was mad about, but whatever it was, I had a right to be here, too. “We’re starting to pack. And we need more boxes.”

He held my gaze then looked away. “Of course.” His voice was rough. “I can help you break some down.”

I walked toward the stack of cardboard in the corner of the room. “That’s okay,” I said. “It looks like you have other stuff to do.”